Such Mixed Emotions... Update Post 18

BeckyBozeman · #1 November 29th, 2011, 12:18 AM

So here we go again...

My bleeding has stopped and the HPT I used today was a BFN. I have an appointment with my midwife tomorrow and one with my new OB on Wednesday. I want to be as prepared as possible when I meet the OB so that I can jump right back into TTC... I'm going to push for as much testing as possible before the end of the year so that it goes on this year's deductible.

The more I read and research, the more convinced I am that I must have low progesterone. We haven't had any problem getting pregnant, but in both cases the babies were behind at the first ultrasound and didn't make it past about 8 weeks. It seems that a clotting disorder wouldn't affect the embryonic growth. Of course I'm open to whatever and I'll ask for very comprehensive testing, but progesterone seems to be the most obvious answer.

I'm dreading the holidays a little bit... then my first due date is January 23rd and I'd really hoped to be pregnant when that rolled around.

So I'm back in that place of starting to get a little excited and hopeful, but at the same time being very afraid of going through this again. I said after my first loss that I'd go through that over and over if that's what it takes to get my rainbow babies. But after doing it a second time I'm not sure how many times I can do that and be mentally healthy. Not to mention the pain that it causes my DF.

With any luck the OB will be open to major testing and we'll get pregnant again just as quickly and know how to make our little bean stick...

doremi · #2 November 29th, 2011, 12:31 AM

I'm sorry Becky

Like you, I was REALLY hoping to be pregnant by my first loss due date in January. I hope you are able to get the testing, and that it gives you some answers that will help you as you move forward.

3Sapphires · #3 November 29th, 2011, 03:45 AM

I hope you can get all the testing done that you want!

I too was hoping to be PG by my due date in January (I'd be celebrating a first birthday). I hope we all end up with our sticky beans very soon!

LoverlyJules · #4 November 29th, 2011, 04:06 AM

My previous due date is also in January. Keeping fingers crossed for all of us to be PG soon!

nichol · #5 November 29th, 2011, 04:35 AM

Hugs....we all know what ur going through. Keep your head up

pepper73 · #6 November 29th, 2011, 04:44 AM

I know what you mean about wanting to be pregnant by the due date...I was hoping for that too, and it hurts so much that it didn't happen. I can't imagine your new OB won't do the testing, especially since you've already had 2 losses. I think your theory on the progesterone is a good one and definitely worth checking out. Let us know how it goes with your appointments!

cdukes2010 · #7 November 29th, 2011, 06:36 AM

I hope you get all the answers you are looking for. Sometimes the whole not knowing part is the hardest. I hate not having the answers. I hope you can get on your way to TTC again and get your rainbow baby.

melissalaw · #8 November 29th, 2011, 07:05 AM

Becky I am so sorry that you are going through this again. Definitely insist with your dr. that you want the testing done. I agree the progestrone sounds like it could be a problem. When your dr. checked your HCG at the beginning of your preg did they also check your progestrone levels? that may help begin to give you the answers you need. I'm praying that once you start trying again, you get your rainbow baby quickly.

Leanne78 · #9 November 29th, 2011, 07:28 AM

(((Hugs))) Becky! I was also due in Jan (the 2nd) and I really wanted to be pregnant before then too. I hope you get some answers and a sticky bean soon. I know how sad and frustrating this whole process can be.

ninja_mommy · #10 November 29th, 2011, 10:03 AM

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. I hope the doctors can figure out quickly what is happening.

humnck · #11 November 29th, 2011, 10:17 AM

Becky, I am ss you are going through all of this, but I pray that your doc gets you some concrete answers and they are able to help you get your rainbow baby very, very soon!! HUGS!!

junie22 · #12 November 29th, 2011, 10:23 AM

Becky, I cannot imagine that your OB won't do extensive testing at this point. If there's any reluctance at all, you should insist on it. With two later first trimester losses, you have every right to demand that the doctor does whatever it takes to get you answers. No one should have to go through the pain of a miscarriage once, let alone twice. And if there's something as simple as progesterone supplements that can prevent it from happening again, it would be completely absurd for your doctor to not do something about it.

I hope you can find some peace and joy this holiday season, as well as some answers from your doctor.

Lindz253 · #13 November 29th, 2011, 11:15 AM

Wow, so many would have been DD in January. I was due this Jan 19th from my first loss.

Having a loss puts you on such an emotional roller coaster. I really hope your doctor gives you all the tests you want and tries to come up with a plan to give you a sticky bean. HOpefully planning your wedding is helping you somewhat. Good luck!

BeckyBozeman · #14 November 29th, 2011, 12:22 PM

Thanks so much ladies... it's really so nice to have a place to go and know that I'll be understood. And to get so much support...

Midwife appointment this morning was great. She's really wonderful and is so supportive of whatever we need to do to get a LO here. She really likes the OB she's referred me to and believes that I won't have any trouble getting her to really push the testing. We talked more about the pattern of my losses and we both agree that the progesterone is where we need to start. She had copies of all of my records for me to take with me tomorrow and I saw the ER u/s report for the first time. That day the baby was measuring 8w,5d... the u/s was done on the day that I would have been 9w,3d. So it's almost identical to the first loss. And that pattern gives us a good starting point...

Melissa - I was trying to go as non-medical as possible and have never had any HCG levels tested. I'm still not sure it I'll want to do those draws, but we'll talk about that tomorrow.

Thanks again ladies and I'll let you know how the OB appt goes tomorrow!

humnck · #15 November 29th, 2011, 12:26 PM

I am so glad to hear that your midwife is so supportive and that she has found you a great OB to see! GL and KUP!

missy123 · #16 November 29th, 2011, 02:02 PM

I am really sorry you are going through all of this again honey. First I want to give you big hugs.

You said "But after doing it a second time I'm not sure how many times I can do that and be mentally healthy. Not to mention the pain that it causes my DF."

I understand that statement all too well. My husband and I ended up with 4 losses before Scarlett. It was a long 2.5 year process with so much emotion and heartache through it all. What kept us going was hope - and the dream of having a baby. It got so bad for me that I told my husband (he was my boyfriend at the time) to leave me and find a girl who he could have babies with. That I was broken and not good enough for him. He married me anyway knowing we probably would not have children.

Enough of my sob story - About the progesterone - beg for it. Scream and plead and find another doctor if this one will not give it to you. Beg to start taking it at around 4-12 dpo every month and if you get a bfp keep taking it. Getting that kick start in the beginning can be a huge difference. And if you do not have a progesterone issue then it won't hurt anything for you to take it.

I cried for you Becky... I know what you are going through.

.:Shortcake:. · #17 November 30th, 2011, 03:35 AM

Becky

It's not fair and I know the pain your going through. I agree with Missy the progesterone can only do good not harm. I hope your new OB can help get you your rainbow baby!

BeckyBozeman · #18 November 30th, 2011, 02:37 PM

So I'm so happy with my new OB!!!

I went in halfway expecting to just talk to a nurse and do a history, but after the normal prelims I saw the doctor. She really listened to me, she was compassionate and understanding about wanting to get some answers before we try again, she was willing to talk about all kinds of possibilities and options and she is willing to work with my midwife (they've done it before in the past) to get me as close to the kind of birth I want as possible!

Right off she said she wanted to plan on giving me a prescription for prometrium and have me start taking it right after I ovulate. Yay! No battles there!

She drew 6 vials of blood to have my blood tested for antiphospholipid syndrome and lupus anticoagulants. She's going to review my previous testing for clotting disorders and see if there are any additional test we need to do. We're going to do an HSG of my uterus to see if there are any anatomical abnormalities of the uterus. And if all of that comes up negative and the progesterone doesn't give us a sticky bean, then we'll start thinking about chromosomal testing, first for me and then for DF.

So I'm feeling very positive. She wants us to wait until February or March to try again, but with the holidays and the wedding in February that seems about perfect... I'll get the results of the blood tests next week...