[RootBudSkyTree]

Hi girls!

My name is Kelli. I don't really know where to post this since I am technically "waiting" to TTCAL... but here it goes:

One month ago today my daughter was born sleeping at 33 weeks. Her name was Finley Fayth and she was beautiful. She weighed 4 lbs 12oz and was 16 inches long. I still miss her so much and wish I could still hold her.

...I think I started ovulating today. I could never tell before because my symptoms were never obvious, but today after I went to the bathroom I wiped and it was REALLY wet down there (TMI). When I looked at the tp it was like mucus. From reading other people's posts on JM I think that is typical when you ovulate? Is it typical to ovulate only a month after a loss?

Shockingly, I find myself really wanting to be pregnant (just saying that and thinking that makes me feel guilty, but I can't deny that it's how I feel). I feel bad even admitting this, but I think I secretly am hoping for a girl too. Which is strange because I've always wanted boys! I don't want it to seem like I want to replace her, but I think having her has shown me how precious a daughter is.
This whole journey can be so confusing at times...
So here is my question: How did you know you were ready to TTC again? I know it's a different experience for everyone, but I guess I am just coming here to see where other people's minds are at?

Hope to get to know you girls better and good luck to you all!

[BabyLover]

I don't have a good answer to your questions, but I wanted to say I'm sorry for the loss of your little girl.

[Lindz253]

I am so sorry for your loss. And don't feel bad admitting you want another girl. I lost my son at 16 weeks and I really hope for another boy. Like you said, never to replace but because I want a son.

I waited 2 cycles after my 16 week loss because I needed time to re-group and because I planned a trip with some girlfriends. I just had another M/C at 4.5 weeks and I was immediately ready after that to TTC again. Of course there are days that I get upset or think am I really ready to go through this again but ultimately I always end up back at - yes, Im ready and I want another child now.

Im not sure about always ovulating after a loss - I never paid attention with my first but I think I did ovulate after this past one but I think because it was really early.

Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful angel Finley. Words can't express how unfair it is to loose a baby that far along. I think if your doctor says its ok and you feel ready then go for it! I wish you the best of luck and please post away even if you are waiting to try again. You can vent/cry/complain any time you want

[ninja_mommy]

First I just want to give you big hugs. I'm sorry for your loss It's very possible that your body is like "Wait, why I am not pregnant?? We need another baby!" From what I have read most women are very fertile for about 6 months after miscarriage. I don't know if that include stillbirth also.
It's really hard to say whether you are physically and emotionally ready again. That's something only you and your body can decide. Advice others have given me as far as the physical part is that your body probably won't try to hold onto pregnancy right away if it's not ready. Granted it's not a given science, but it helps me sleep better at night while we are trying

[RootBudSkyTree]

Thank you for the welcome girls!

[acchickpea]

Kelli,
Sorry for your loss.. Your story made me teary... It's a fear that I am mostly afraid of...
Did you have all of your bloodwork done and your levels are back to normal? Most dr's tell their patients to wait 2-3 months after a loss but I think that it's for the emotional factor. I would wait till the next cycle just so that your body can rest.
See you around the boards!

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hello and welcome to TTCAL. I am so very sorry for the loss of Finley. The ladies here are very supportive and amazing. As far as when you are ready to try again for me it was always right away. I needed that to keep me going, to know I was working towards my dream of a child. It hurt because I did not want people to think I was trying to replace my angels because I was not trying to, I just know that waiting was not going to change how I feel. And as for wanting a girl... I'm not going to lie I will be over the moon with either but I do have this need for a son since we know our first loss was a boy it has been even more so like that for me. Whatever you decide we are here for you.

[Cait&AngelAbove]

I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl! When a you are ready to start trying again is different for every person. Only you can truly know if you are ready or not. And there is no need for feeling guilty about wanting a little girl. I think that it perfectly normal. We are all here for you!!!

[humnck]

I am so very sorry for your loss! I think everyone has said it perfectly, you will know when you are ready.

To answer your "O" question, egg white consistency for your cervial mucus is a very good sign that you are likely fertile or about to be fertile. There are lots of good websites out there that can describe and some even have photos (sounds gross but if it is confirmation you are looking for, they are great tools) to help you determine if this is your fertile window. I just googled cervial mucus and a whole slew of them popped up!

I also wanted to offer you HUGS and say, I don't think it is strange or out of the ordinary to want a little girl, it makes sense to me!

[Doodle_Jr.]

I'm so very so sorry for your loss. Everyone has had such great advice but I just wanted to say that for myself, I just knew when I was ready to try again. With my first loss, it didn't happen right away. I avoided trying because I felt so guilty and sad. With my second loss I wanted to start trying immediately but the loss happened at 5 1/2 weeks so maybe because it was earlier that is why.

[sandiegomom]

I am so sorry for your loss There are no words to even describe the pain you must be enduring. I know everyone is trying to be positive by telling you it is just emotional for when to try again, but, there is a huge difference in waiting after an early loss than a late loss. 33 weeks is very far along, and you shouldn't even have intercourse before six weeks. You run a very, very high risk for a pelvic infection. This infection can become quite serious. Your body has gone through a lot physically. Please, talk to your doctor about when it is safe to ttc again. everyone on here is great and just trying to give you advice, but just make sure you consult your obgyn. I hope that emotionally you find the strength and healing you need to move forward very soon, and you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. welcome to the board, there are many amazing girls on here to talk to!

[Leanne78]

I am so sorry for your loss. I just can't even imagine going through that.

Have you talked to your doctor about TTC again? I think that would be my first step. I'm not sure how long physically you need to wait after a loss like that. I would think they would want you to wait a few cycles, but not really sure.

[RootBudSkyTree]

I haven't talked to my OB yet, my 6 week check up is on Dec 12 and I will definitely ask her. We haven't DTD yet. I have such mixed emotions, I really want to try as soon as we get the go ahead but at the same time I don't because I am terrified. I'm sure many can relate to those feelings...

[BeckyBozeman]

Kelli... I'm so glad that you found your way here. This is truly an amazing board.

First I have to say that my first loss was no where near as late as yours (I was 11 weeks) but that I had egg white CM several times in the month after but never actually ovulated (I was temping and using OPKs). Our bodies are all different, but I would expect that with that late of a loss you will have some time getting back to whatever your normal will be.

Secondly, I have to tell you how much I admire you. I lurked on the January DDC after I lost my January baby, and read as you went through your whole experience with your sweet Finley. I was thrilled for you when it seemed that things were improving and heartbroken when I read that you'd lost her. But your attitude and faith throughout the whole process was inspiring. Eli, Finley and the babies that I know you'll have in the future are incredibly lucky to have such a strong, sweet woman as their mama.

Hugs, welcome and I look forward to watching you continue your journey...

[Nicole1481]

No advice.. I just wanted to say Im sorry for your loss and whenever you do decide to TTC I hope your journey is short.

[doremi]

Originally Posted by BeckyBozeman

I have to tell you how much I admire you. I lurked on the January DDC after I lost my January baby, and read as you went through your whole experience with your sweet Finley. I was thrilled for you when it seemed that things were improving and heartbroken when I read that you'd lost her. But your attitude and faith throughout the whole process was inspiring. Eli, Finley and the babies that I know you'll have in the future are incredibly lucky to have such a strong, sweet woman as their mama.

Hugs, welcome and I look forward to watching you continue your journey...

Becky said it so perfectly. I am thrilled that you found this group. They will be a huge support to you as you move forward. Every person is different in terms of when they ovulate following a loss. With my second m/c (my 1st was my Jan DDC baby), I got a positive OPK 8 days after my m/c began. I agree with the others that you will know when it is time to try again. It is okay to be terrified. I think we all are. After you experience a pregnancy that doesn't end in a healthy baby, you are forever changed. If you think you might be ovulating now, I personally would probably wait until after you 6wk check up to have unprotected sex, especially knowing that Finley's birth was physically fairly traumatic for you. Once you get the green light from your OB, pray about it. I say that because I know what a strong woman of faith you are You will have a peace in your heart when the timing is right to move forward and expand your family. And a good indicator of when it is the right time is when you and DH BOTH feel at peace about it.

Don't feel guilty for wanting another baby. Just because you want another baby, doesn't mean that you are forgetting about Finley, or valuing her any less. Besides, I'm pretty sure she would want Eli to have earthly siblings

All my love to you!

[RootBudSkyTree]

Thank you girls for the advice

[momof6lopez]

Kelli, welcome to the TTCAL boards, and Im so sorry you had to find your way here. This is my first home on JM and you will soon find that these women are the most supportive group of women around. I pray your journey is a short one here and you will soon hold your healthy little rainbow baby in your arms.

As for TTC again, you just went through a full term pregnancy. Like any other full term pregnancy, my dr. like's to see a wait time of 3 months to get your body back to pre-pregnancy health. All of your vitamins and nutrition are very low after carrying a baby to 33wks. Let your body get fully healed and healthy again, to give your next baby a healthy start. God bless you and your family, and I pray for all of you.

[SillyKitty]

I agree with the advice the other ladies have provided. I just want to give you a big hug, and wish that you would not feel guilt even though that emotion is hard to control. Wanting another baby does not take anything away from your love for your sweet Finley.

[TnPhotoMama81]

Ditto the other ladies- I don't have much else to add to what has already been said. I am so sorry for your loss