New here...

seri0uslyc0nfused · #1 December 7th, 2011, 08:42 AM

Well I already know some of you guys from TTC, but sadly I will be joining here too.

I'm Elaina (27), DH James and I have been TTC # 2 since Jan 2011. I got my BFP in Nov and had a m/c at 6wk 3days which was on Monday. I will get my final HCG results this afternoon but I know its going to be low if anything at all. I have been bleeding since Sunday and I hope it will be over soon.

I have watched this happen to many of the girls in the TTC board (which I'm sure are all here too)and my heart broke every time for each of them and I prayed it wouldn't happen to me, but I guess some things you just have no control over. I am a total wreck and I'm having issues getting over it. The Dr told me I need to have one period before trying again, which feels like forever. By that time its going to officially be a year of TTC for us. I'm scared to death that its going to take another year before I get a BFP again...and I pray to God it will be a super sticky one. I'm trying my best to be positive and snap out of it, I have my DS to take care of and its not fair to him that I'm such a mess right now.

Before getting my BFP I used to get sick every time I saw pregnancy announcements and updates on FB, but holy cow its so much worse now. I have actually blocked posts from some of my pregnant friends for now, it just hurts waay too much. I know it sounds mean, but I just can't see it right now.

I look forward to getting to know everyone, but I hope we don't have to be here for very long. As much as I wish I wasn't here, I'm glad to have a support system with ladies that understand.

joanna26 · #2 December 7th, 2011, 08:58 AM

Big HUGS sweetie! I am so sorry for your loss

Welcome to the board though, the ladies here are awesome

Everything you are feeling right now is completely normal. The best advice I have for you is to be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. It will take time. Don't expect yourself just to snap out of it quickly. It took us 11 months to get our last BFP so I completely understand how you feel. HUGS sweetie!

ericswife11 · #3 December 7th, 2011, 08:59 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs! You are in my thoughts and prayers. i think i was in ttc with you for a short time aand then july ddc. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon and if you need sokeone to talk to feel free to pm me.

Lindz253 · #4 December 7th, 2011, 09:07 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. I look forward to getting to know you and please vent out any frustrations you have as we all know how you feel and where you are coming from. I hope you get a super sticky BFP very soon!

K.A.T · #5 December 7th, 2011, 09:49 AM

Just wanted to give you a

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I hope everything happens as quickly as possible for you.

humnck · #6 December 7th, 2011, 09:55 AM

You blocking people on FB is not mean at all, we have to do what we have to do to get through it. And they can't tell you block them, so who cares

I am ss for your loss, this is a great group of ladies and a great support system! Everyone here, unfortunately, has been through what you are going through, so feel free to vent, whine, cry, ask questions! HUGS!!

.:Shortcake:. · #7 December 7th, 2011, 10:01 AM

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am Katie the host of TTCAL. Please if you ever need to talk you can PM me at any time. I hope that you get a sticky BFP quickly hun. The ladies here are amazing and super supportive.

junie22 · #8 December 7th, 2011, 10:03 AM

Sorry to see you on this board, Elaina.

This group of ladies is really amazing and supportive and knowledgeable. I know you'll feel right at home. I hope you heal quickly and will get your sticky BFP just as soon as you're ready to try again.

Erin84 · #9 December 7th, 2011, 10:24 AM

Hi Elaina. Like everybody, I'm sorry you're here, but I'm glad you found us.

I have a LOT of people hidden on Facebook, probably a good 75 or so, because they're pregnant or have newborns or whatever. If I add someone who's pregnant, I hide her right away. Don't worry about it, just do what you need to do to be sane <3

seri0uslyc0nfused · #10 December 7th, 2011, 11:07 AM

Thank you guys so much for the welcome. I truly feel this is the best place for me right now. It makes me feel better that I'm not mean or the only one blocking preg people on FB

I think one of the worst things about this whole thing for me is the timing, right before Christmas. My BFP had filled me with holiday spirit which was totally ripped from me just as quickly. I know I have to try my best because its not fair to my DS, its still Christmas and still exciting for him and he is all that matters right now! Its not his fault this happened so he deserves a happy mom and happy Christmas. I really hope I feel better by Christmas though, the idea of being around anyone that knew I was pregnant makes me want to crawl into bed and hide right now. I already told my DH he has to make sure people know before I see them, its just awkward for people to ask about the baby and I burst into a flood filled room of tears.
I just want this month to be over and my cycle to get back on track so we can start TTC again. I think one of my biggest problems is I have this feeling of urgency, like I'm in a race to get pregnant (and stay pregnant, now) which I have felt since we started TTC. There is no real reason for it and I wish I didn't feel that way because it just stresses me out. I don't know if that makes any sense, and I can't really explain why I feel like that, I just do. Its weird, and annoying.

Anyhow, thank you guys again

cdukes2010 · #11 December 7th, 2011, 11:21 AM

Hi Elaina, I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you the best in working your way through it. All of us have been there and know it's hard to see pg announcements on FB or to see pregnant friends. The worst for me are those stupid tickers they put on there that say how far along they are because then I start to think about how far along I should be and I get really sad. So you are not alone in that feeling at all!

I hope your first cycle comes quickly and you can get back on the road to TTC and get your super sticky bean.

Leanne78 · #12 December 7th, 2011, 11:32 AM

(((Hugs))) Hun. I've already said most of the above on your other thread but just wanted to add to let yourself take plenty of time to grieve. Do not feel like you have to "get over it" quickly and move on. People who haven't been through this always seem to think you should be over it in like a week, but those of us who have been through it know it takes much longer than that and you never really "get over it". Do not feel like a bad person for feeling like you do right now. I wish you did not have to go through this.

L-SBB · #13 December 7th, 2011, 01:01 PM

welcome to the group Elaina...i am so very sorry for your loss

This is an awesome group of ladies and I've found tremendous support here through both of my losses...I hope you find the same comfort & support as I have. HUGS

Lcoleman · #14 December 7th, 2011, 01:10 PM

Hi there. I had a m/c 6 days before you, and I was at about the same place in my pregnancy. I am so sorry this has happened. I know just what you mean about fb. I just blocked a pregnant friend from highschool yesterday. She was just as far along as me, and I just couldn't stand the thought of seeing updates for the next 8 months and being constantly reminded. We are all here for you!

Cait&AngelAbove · #15 December 7th, 2011, 02:57 PM

I am so sorry for your loss! My loss was a year ago Saturday. Having a loss right before Christmas is very difficult. My advice is to throw yourself intoo all the Christmas things you normally do in December. That is what I did. I am here if you need to talk!

seri0uslyc0nfused · #16 December 7th, 2011, 03:13 PM

Well I just got the results for my hcg test from today, it went from 51 to 46. I actually expected it to be lower. The Dr I saw on Mon wants me to go back for another hcg test in two weeks to make sure its gone. I also have an apt with the fertility specialist on Wed (same office) with an ultrasound to check my cyst so hopefully she has something good to say and some helpful words.

I think it has finally hit my DH what happened. He has been all hurt today (hes at work) and just now when I told him about my levels he was really quiet and said he needed to go do something. He will be home in about an hour so we'll see how he really is doing. Poor guy was really holding on to hope that the levels were going to be higher, even if they were higher, I'm bleeding like crazy so something is wrong!

Guys just don't get all that sometimes I guess.

I guess I will be ordering some OPKs and pulling out the thermometer tomorrow. I had a skinny vanilla latte from Starbucks today and I might just have some beers this weekend. I'm kind of afraid to drink just yet because I don't want it to make me more emotional then I am already! We'll see....

Thank you guys again for the support. It really does help hearing from people who really do understand what you're going through.

BabyLover · #17 December 7th, 2011, 05:10 PM

I'm sorry for your loss.

I was also in your DDC. I started miscarrying the day before Thanksgiving. Also, you're not alone in hiding posts from those pregnant people! I have done it too. It hurts too much to remember that we should be pregnant too.

ninja_mommy · #18 December 7th, 2011, 08:04 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's sad you have to "meet" some of this way. I understand the rush to get and stay pregnant. We haven't been trying as long as you, but it just feels like forever. This is something I am trying to let go of trying to control because it was honestly driving me crazy before. We are always here to listen and to offer many, many

BeckyBozeman · #19 December 7th, 2011, 10:20 PM

Welcome Elaina and I'm so, so sorry for your loss... As everyone else has said, we all have been there so please feel free to vent away. As for getting over it, I don't really believe that ever happens. I will always wonder about the babies that I would have had. But it does get easier. Just be kind to yourself. If something is too hard, like hearing about or seeing pregnant women or babies, then give yourself permission to take a pass for a while. Some people won't understand, but you need to take care of you and your family right now.

seri0uslyc0nfused · #20 December 8th, 2011, 06:35 AM

I woke up feeling a little better this morning. I didn't melt down in the shower like I have been every day. The bleeding seems to be stopping, I'm back in just liners.

Except when I go #2 its like it all starts again. Ugh...I'm so over bleeding already!
My DH wants to go visit my MIL today, but I just don't feel ready to be around people yet. I mean I can leave the house and go to the store and stuff, I just don't want to hang out with people that know and have to talk about it at all. The people I have told are over text, I can't even talk on the phone.

I know the dr said not to try this month, but do any of you guys know if I will even ovulate this month? I wanted to use OPKS just so that I can start figuring out my cycle again and my LP. I'm not taking B6 yet, just my prenatal so I want to see what my cycle does without any sort of supplement and so I know if I need to start back on the B6 or not.