Other people..

.:Shortcake:. · #1 December 21st, 2011, 03:48 PM

What is two things you wish you could tell people about your loss(es) that you don't feel comfortable saying to them?

EJsMommy · #2 December 21st, 2011, 06:54 PM

As my loss have been a few years back I don't have the strong feelings about it as I did back then.

ninja_mommy · #3 December 21st, 2011, 07:22 PM

That it hurts more than they would every know (unless they've experienced it). And well, some people have different ideas of when a baby is alive and so on, but to me it was the death of my child.
And to keep their stupid remarks to themselves, especially, "You can always try again."

Doodle_Jr. · #4 December 21st, 2011, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninja_mommy

That it hurts more than they would every know (unless they've experienced it). And well, some people have different ideas of when a baby is alive and so on, but to me it was the death of my child.
And to keep their stupid remarks to themselves, especially, "You can always try again."

I do tell people that when I hear stupid remarks.

doremi · #5 December 22nd, 2011, 01:46 AM

1.That when I'm asked how many children I have, it always feels like a bit of a trick question. I have three, but the answer they are looking for is "just one".

2. That no matter how early the miscarriage, it puts your body through h-e double hockey sticks, and with an early loss, you have to basically suck it up and deal with all that on your own since hardly anyone knew about the pregnancy to begin with. THAT is almost the hardest part... going through something so monumental with hardly anyone even knowing.

LoverlyJules · #6 December 22nd, 2011, 03:56 AM

1. The best words they can say is "I'm so sorry."

2. The "Do you have kids?" question is hard to answer ... saying "No" sounds wrong, but I wonder about their reaction if I say "Well, I've had one miscarriage."

ninja_mommy · #7 December 22nd, 2011, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doremi

1.That when I'm asked how many children I have, it always feels like a bit of a trick question. I have three, but the answer they are looking for is "just one".

Cait&AngelAbove · #8 December 22nd, 2011, 07:28 AM

1. Do not tell me that everything happens for a reason and that I will get pregnant when it is meant to happen. I know all of this and I do not need you to tell me that as well and if you do tell me again then I will not be held responsible for my actions.

2. I wish I could tell my SILs that sometimes being around them and their kids can kill me. Sometimes I do not want to go to family events sometimes because of them. I do not want to hear them talking about the fact that they are going to start ttc again soon because I am terrified they are going to get pregnant before me.

humnck · #9 December 22nd, 2011, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cait&AngelAbove

1. Do not tell me that everything happens for a reason and that I will get pregnant when it is meant to happen. I know all of this and I do not need you to tell me that as well and if you do tell me again then I will not be held responsible for my actions.

2. I made this mistake and now I wish I hadn't ever said it, don't say "at least you know you can get pregnant"...

JulieMc · #10 December 22nd, 2011, 05:14 PM

When people ask me why we're not pregnant again yet, I wish I could say "I was, but I had a miscarriage and I want to be, but I'm not yet." so maybe they'd stop nagging me all the time..cuz every time people ask, it just reminds me that I should be nearly halfway through a pregnancy now. But, I don't really want everyone knowing my personal business.

.:Shortcake:. · #11 December 23rd, 2011, 04:45 AM

Ditto all the above! Also DH & I have been married 3 1/2 years now and I'm so sick of hearing "So when are you guys going to start a family?" Ummmm well let's see we've been trying since we got married we have so many angels but none here with us so who freaking knows!

tobi4 · #12 December 23rd, 2011, 10:30 AM

Honestly, I think its easier when people say nothing at all. I found that when people wanted to talk to me about it, I was often the one comforting THEM. Reassuring them that I was ok. And always having to seem ok. That sucked too.

ETA: Id like to tell them, dont bring it up unless I do, cause maybe I didnt want to cry right now!

Belita · #13 December 23rd, 2011, 10:37 AM

Thanks, ladies. These are all the same thoughts that are going through my mind right now.

My dad this one: don't tell me that maybe I tried too soon after coming off the birth control pill. I know he's analytic in nature and he was trying to help by giving explanations, but I do not need a list of things I coulda, shoulda, woulda done. I'm already doing that myself, even though I know a loss this early on is most likely due to a chromosomal abnormality and there is nothing I could have done.

oicyur · #14 December 23rd, 2011, 11:55 AM

Just two things?? lol

1. Don't tell me it could be worse! I know that, but that doesn't mean I still can't grieve! I KNOW that I'm blessed to have three healthy children already, but that doesn't make the miscarriage pain-free! True, it helps, but it's still painful.

2. Just say you've been thinking of me or just say sorry. Nothing else really brings comfort, and your kind wishes lets me know that you care and are acknowldedging my loss instead of pretending it didn't happen or didn't matter because I lost it so soon.

A lot of people have good intentions. BUT some of their responses are still inappropriate no matter the good intentions.