Getting Pregnant

Belita · #1 December 23rd, 2011, 07:00 AM

I'm sure you all understand, I hoped to never post in this board. I'm currently miscarrying our sweet Christmas Angel. I'm 4wks 6 days. We're calling our baby Gabriel, because he's our Christmas Angel who just went to Heaven to get strong enough to come back to us, whether as a boy or a girl.

I'm feeling devastated beyond words right now. I have to go in to the doctor for a blood test today, but I don't feel pregnant anymore and my cramping and bleeding feel like period cramps and bleeding.

I'm just hoping to be able to salvage some of our Christmas cheer.

ninja_mommy · #2 December 23rd, 2011, 08:11 AM

I'm so sorry. I'm sure that this happening during Xmas hurts just a little more

Praying for a quick recovery for you.

Belita · #3 December 23rd, 2011, 10:20 AM

Thank you. I don't have anything to compare it to, but we were going to tell DH's family tomorrow and instead we're suffering through this. I'm 4 weeks 6 days, so my doctor said it's going to be like a heavy period. I'm a teacher, so I'll have next week off to try to deal with my emotions and start to heal.

tobi4 · #4 December 23rd, 2011, 10:24 AM

Oh no! Im so very sorry for your loss. You are so very thoughtful to call your baby Gabriel. God bless you, my thoughts are with you. Hugs

Belita · #5 December 23rd, 2011, 02:00 PM

I just want my baby back. I did some screaming earlier that probably would have scared DH if he wasn't out picking up his car. Screaming for my baby to come back to me. Screaming about how unfair it is. Screaming about how Gabriel needs his mommy. I don't know how I'm going to get through Christmas, especially tomorrow when we were going to tell DH's family.

The cramping is getting worse. I'm taking Motrin for the pain. I still can't bear to part with the photos I took of our pregnancy test on the Christmas tree that I used to tell my family and was going to use to tell DH's. It's so unfair that my family got some sheer, unadulterated joy at finding out that I'm pregnant and DH's family won't get that. I'm afraid that any pregnancies after this one won't be quite as joyous because we'll all be on edge about this happening again. I don't know if I could take another loss.

I made an appointment with a women's mental health center that focuses on treating women with reproductive issues. My appointment is on January 18th, which is the first appointment they have. I wish it were sooner, but I guess it's better than nothing.

I hope it doesn't take Gabriel very long to get strong and come back to us. My mom was talking about Gabriel finding a new baby brother or sister, but I prefer to think that Gabriel is going to come back to us and stay with us. I want all my babies and don't want to think of any baby of mine up and alone.

.:Shortcake:. · #6 December 23rd, 2011, 02:16 PM

I am so very sorry your having to go through this. 3 years ago on December 15th I had my first loss. With it being so close to Christmas it hit me 20x harder. To this day I still have good/bad days with the holidays. I pray that you get a sticky BFP quickly. We are here for you hun.

I also wanted to say how I got through my first Christmas right after my loss... well it was "dealing" with things. But my family knew of my loss. I made my appearances places but when I started feeling really down I left. I needed my time with DH to grieve my loss.

If you need to talk I'm here.

Belita · #7 December 23rd, 2011, 03:10 PM

Thanks, shortcake. I appreciate hearing how you made it through the holidays. It was supposed to be our best Christmas present ever.

Erin84 · #8 December 23rd, 2011, 03:37 PM

Hi, Belita.

A few months ago I had a m/c at just over 5 weeks, so I can relate physically to what you're going through. The day I bled the most, my back hurt pretty bad, and my cramps were pretty bad, but after that one day, things calmed down to mimic one of my more unpleasant periods. I'm sorry you have to endure this. Please make sure you allow yourself the time and space to grieve. Like Katie did, if you need to step away and take some time to breathe, please do. The best thing you can do is to be in tune with your emotions and be true to yourself. An early loss is something no one can truly understand unless they've been through it, and many of us here have. I'm sorry you're here, but I'm glad you found us.

doremi · #9 December 23rd, 2011, 08:02 PM

Hi there, I have had two miscarriages at the 5 week mark. I understand exactly how you probably feel, and what you are going through. I agree with Erin, the really bad cramping was over for me after one full day of it. I took Advil gel caps, and they really helped with the pain. My friend who is currently having a miscarriage was told by her midwife that Aleve is actually the best over the counter pain reliever for miscarriage. I'm so sorry you are going through this, especially at Christmas. We are here for you, and do not be afraid to let your emotions out... that is healthy, and necessary. Also, don't be surprised if your DH reacts entirely differently to the m/c than you... just know that men and women grieve differently. Also, I think when you are the Mother, and have carried that baby inside you, it makes you feel so much more bonded to the baby from the moment you get your BFP. Again, I am so sorry for your loss!