[LindsayGriff]

Well this was never a group I really wanted to join but I guess I unfortunately now belong here. I thought things were going great. I had never had a miscarriage before. It took us 10 months to conceive due to DH having a varicocele. When we finally did it ended up being perfect timing for work and also my SIL was due 6 wks before and found out my sister was due 6 wks after us so the cousins would all be so close together I thought it would be perfect. I wasn't gaining any weight which did kind of bother me but I just kept blaming it on my work and always being on my feet and never really having anytime to sit down and eat much like I did with my last pregnancy. On Christmas I was 10 wks and thought it was perfect timing to tell the family so we finally told everyone. I really had no indications that anything was wrong. We got home from my parents house on 12/26. We had gotten a snowblower from them and my dad had built DS a wooden toy box so both of those DH and I unloaded from the car together. That night before going to bed I had some bright red blood for the 1st time. It scared me but I figured it was just from the heavy lifting so I layed down and went to bed. The next day the bleeding was a little more but was getting darker red but I didn't have any cramps so I just kept convincing myself it was probably just a SCH and I should just take it easy and not do any lifting and I am on vacation this week so I didn't have to work. My doctors office was closed so I didn't call in as it wasn't bad bleeding and if it was just a SCH they would just tell me to lay down and relax which is what I was doing anyway. At 2am on the 28th I woke up with severe cramps I went to the bathroom and passed lots of clots. The cramping and the bleeding got severely worse. I had labor contractions and they were coming on strong every 2-3 min and the bleeding was getting so bad where I constantly was bleeding through everything and kept having to change pants. We finally decided not to wait for the doctors office to open and went to the ER. They examined me and then sent me to the Ob department for US where they confirmed that it was a miscarriage and that the baby had probably stopped growing a couple of weeks ago. They had an opening for D&C that day so I just decided to go through with that because I couldn't stand going through more contractions if I took the medication and they didn't want me to just watch and wait to see if my body got rid of it all with how much bleeding I was having. I knew I wasnt safe until I got past the 1st trimester but I just thought that by 10 wks I would pretty much be safe. It sucks having to go back now and tell everyone you have a miscarriage. Today I had a dentist appointment that I made 6 months ago so I just decided to keep it and go. The first thing that happens when I got there was they said they wanted to do an annual panoramic x-ray of my teeth and they just needed to know that I wasn't pregnant. I wanted to start crying but I didn't want to have to explain everything to them so I just said no. We were told we could try to conceive right away again but I know it is going to be hard and I am not going to be able to be happy about the next pregnancy until probably 20 wks.

Lindsay

[Belita]

I'm so sorry. I would have thought it was safe at that point, too. :hugs: I just had mine on the 23rd.

[terajet]

So sorry you are going through this. No one belongs here. It is just so unfair.

The girls on this board are great.

[humnck]

It really is unfair! I too had a similar situation, except I never started bleeding, I spotted a tiny bit of brown blood, which they kept saying is probably old blood, blah, blah. Come to find out, at 12 weeks, that the baby had stopped growing at 8w6d and the heart had stopped...it really sucked, we were so excited that everything was going so smoothly. It is something no one should ever have to go through!!

I also opted for the D&E, because I did not want to go through anything further and wanted to move on. This is something that everyone gets through (not over) in their own way and at their own pace, for me, jumping right back into TTC was what helped me get through it. I would cry when I thought about the u/s that day and seeing that baby just kind of there, but kept trying to focus on what would be, that someday, we would have our rainbow baby.

I hate that you have to go through this, but these ladies really are a great bunch!!

[jessjillmama]

I am so sorry for you loss. hugs to you.

[cdukes2010]

I am so very sorry that you are here. The ladies here are amazing! HUGS

[MauMama]

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

[ninja_mommy]

That is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss. It's really sad that anyone of us have to be here. Especially the women with multiple losses.

[Erin84]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. You did the right thing by coming here -- I've gotten more love and support from women on various JM boards than I know what to do with, and many of us can relate to aspects of what you're going through. Being robbed of that feeling of safety and confidence in a pregnancy, for me, is one of the hardest things to accept. I'm sorry you have to endure it, too.