Just Saying Hi.

MauMama · #1 December 29th, 2011, 01:18 PM

Hi ladies,

My name is Jen. I've been on JM on and off again over the past few years.

I lost twins in 2007 which required 3 back to back D&Cs and became septic. We have been actively avoiding since. I had a miscarriage over Mother's Day this year.

I refuse to 'try' to conceive as it took us quite a few years to get Sophie, my daughter. Soph will be 7 in August and gosh, it feels like it's time for us to do *something*.

I am wrapped in a terror I can't really explain out loud when I think of being pregnant again. It makes me short of breath and I just want to run away. It's almost like a panic attack. I can't imagine what pregnancy would be like.

I kept going ttc for years with miscarriage to get Sophie because I felt like I was NEVER going to give up. Now that I have her it doesn't feel like such a warrior impulse to keep going.

How have you all found the courage to keep going? Is it better to focus on the trying part or just let it go and see what happens?

Thanks and I hope to get to know you all over the coming few months.

Belita · #2 December 29th, 2011, 02:37 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your losses and the difficulty you had TTC your daughter. I hope that it is an easier road for you this time.

Erin84 · #3 December 29th, 2011, 04:46 PM

I know what you mean about that "warrior" mindset. I think that's where I'm at. It's this overwhelming sense of, "F*** you, Universe, I will be happy, YOU WILL NOT WIN." All that really keeps me going is knowing DH and I will be great parents and will do our best to raise wonderful little people who will bring light and joy to the world. I'm sorry about the fear you feel, it's SO UNFAIR to get robbed of that sense of security most women feel when they're pregnant (I think I just typed this exact sentence to LindsayGriff, I hate that this is a common thread of women who have suffered loss). I'm glad you've found your way back to JM, specifically here, for support during your journey. I hope your stay at TTCAL is short and sweet <3

.:Shortcake:. · #4 December 30th, 2011, 06:49 AM

I am so sorry for all you have been through! As far as how to keep going. For me I'm at the point of No matter what. Come **** or high water! I WILL be a mother. I will go through whatever I have to. I will see however many doctors it takes. I will put my body through whatever it takes.... and why.... because I know in my heart, in my soul, that I am made to be a mother.

BabyLover · #5 December 30th, 2011, 12:58 PM

I'm already scared to be pregnant again. We've been through the worst and know what a heartbreak it can be, but we've got each other.

StacieRN · #6 December 30th, 2011, 01:50 PM

Scared silly here, too.

It sounds like you went through so much before. I can't assure you everyting will go as planned this time around, but I can tell you that the medical field has made HUGE strides in medical procedures and sepsis prevention. I hope everything works out well for you to get that sticky bean and have some of your fears subside. I can't imagine to have the heart break and then to be so ill as well. You must be one incredibly strong momma!

BTW your Sophie is just too cute!

MauMama · #7 December 30th, 2011, 05:48 PM

Thank you ladies.

I know it sucks that it's such a common fear but I'm so glad to hear your words. I just have to hope it fades with time.

Arrrrrgh. It drives me crazy that it's not something I can fix or at least attempt to fix. Double sided tape for wombs?

Have a safe and happy New Year's eve to you all!