Can I hang out here for a while..... maybe?

MountainMomma · #1 December 31st, 2011, 12:09 AM

Hi ladies. I hope you will let me hang out here with you all for a while. I've been here FOREVER, but about a year and a half ago (I can't believe it's been that long), after my last miscarriage, I had to step away because I was in a REALLY bad place. Now looking around I don't know anyone on any of the TTC boards, and it doesn't even look like I recognize any names here except for your awesome co-host (HI KATIE! I've missed you!)

My name is Stephanie. I am 31 years old and I have been TTC with my hubby Matt since March of 2006. In that time we have had 8 confirmed miscarriages, tons of tests, and zero answers. I'm fine (physically) and so is he. They have NO IDEA why we keep miscarrying. My RE told me the only advice he could give me was to stop wasting money and padding his wallet, go home and wait. That eventually things would click and that I would likely end up having several successful pregnancies one after another. I haven't had a pregnancy (that I am aware of) since my last miscarriage in July of last year (2010), but I also haven't tested, and as MOST of my losses are extremely early and I have had a few "late" periods, it's possible there have been more.

Anyway..... we aren't really "trying" at this point. No temping or charting, not timed intercourse, no OPK's or any of that. We just aren't preventing and hoping for the best. I'd like to hang out for a while because I know you all understand the ups and downs, but I'll be honest right up front and say I'm not sure if I am even really ready to be back to JM yet. It's really hard when you feel like you have left behind. Don't get me wrong, I love the girls I have met on here and I am always happy for them when they get their rainbow babies, but when you see some go on to have two or three or four rainbows and you are still waiting for one....... it's just hard sometimes.

I also don't know how much time I will have to be on here. I do have two older children from my first marriage (10 and 13) who I am just now beginning to home school (I pulled them out of school just before Christmas) and my husband and I are both college students as well, so there isn't a lot of time for anything extra besides school most days. I'm hoping the new semester is less stressful than the past one now that we won't be dealing with problems at the public schools. Anyway, thanks for reading my "book". Sorry I rambled, and I can't wait to get to know you all better.

Belita · #2 December 31st, 2011, 07:15 AM

I can't imagine going through all of that. Welcome back and I hope that you do get your rainbow baby soon.

L-SBB · #3 December 31st, 2011, 07:15 AM

Stephanie! It's good to see you back here...I know you needed a big break and I'm glad it helped. You're always welcome here and I hope this fresh start, even if you're not actively trying, will bring you a BFP quickly!

Moldovandish · #4 December 31st, 2011, 07:18 AM

Welcome back and I am so sorry for everything you had to go through! Lots of hugs!

Erin84 · #5 December 31st, 2011, 09:51 AM

Welcome back. I'm sorry for all your losses, that sounds like a hard road

Remember to take some time for yourself. If the boards end up being that, great! If not, we'll enjoy hearing from you whenever you get the chance.

3Sapphires · #6 December 31st, 2011, 12:11 PM

I am so sorry for all your losses - my most recent pregnancy also ended in m/c in june 2010.

It is so hard to watch to many graduate, and graduate again and again in the time you have been trying for one *hugs*

ninja_mommy · #7 December 31st, 2011, 12:28 PM

It's sounds like you've traveled a hard road, I'm sorry. We have been TTC #2 since July '11 with an early m/c in Oct. I know compared to many that this is a short time, but it feels like forever to me. I've wanted to start trying earlier than DH, but had to be ready for him too. Now, all of my friends (half not even trying) are pregnant. So, I know how the left in the dust feels, especially since I was pregnant. I am trying to hold onto hope that our journey for number two will not be much longer. And

again.

MountainMomma · #8 December 31st, 2011, 02:15 PM

Well hi there Lara! How are ya?

It's nice to see at least a few familiar faces (though I do wish ya'll had moved on too!)
.
Erin, I'm so sorry to see that you have had another loss. I followed your story with Drew, and I remember seeing at one point while I was lurking around that you had gotten a BFP. I hate that it didn't turn out the way you had hoped.

Thanks to everyone else for the warm welcomes.

I talked to DH some this morning. He saw that I was logged into JM and he just kind of grinned and said "So, you are back on JM?" I said yes and he asked if that meant I was ready to try again, so we talked for a while. I am pretty sure that this cycle is in the books. I haven't even been keeping track really except that AF showed up the last time during finals week, so it's hard to forget that! lol We decided since I am likely in the 2WW already we will just see what happens this cycle and ease back into things next cycle with just trying to BD every other day through the cycle until we are SURE that I am in the 2WW. No OPK's or temping or anything like that for now. I might get back into that later but for now I am definitely not ready for ALL the craziness of full on TTC.

MauMama · #9 December 31st, 2011, 08:28 PM

Hi Stephanie,

I'm sorry for all your losses. I hope this new year treats you really, really well.

I've had quite a few miscarriages too and we blame them all on an autoinflammatory disease I have. But no one knows for sure.

All I know is that it sucks.

Best wishes to you.

doremi · #10 December 31st, 2011, 11:58 PM

Hi Stephanie,
Welcome back to JM

I'm so sorry to hear of all you have been through. My name is Sarah, I'm 33, TTC my second child since Oct. 2010. We had our first m/c in May 2011, our second in Sept. 2011. Hoping that your time here on TTCAL is short, and that you get your rainbow baby soon!

.:Shortcake:. · #11 January 1st, 2012, 05:06 AM

Welcome back Stephanie!!! I have missed you!

I know exactly what you mean about being here and everyone moved on. (I get that feeling often). Taking a break is always a good thing because it helps me at least get my bearings back. I have my fingers crossed that 2012 brings us both and everyone us our rainbow babies! Steph we are WAY overdue for ours

MountainMomma · #12 January 1st, 2012, 10:25 AM

That is a FACT! It's time for both of us to have our rainbows! I would really like to need to spend my summer rearranging my house and making room for a new baby.

missy123 · #13 January 1st, 2012, 04:26 PM

Hello my love! You know I pray for you everyday. Plus I stalk you on FB

xoxoxo sweetie - it is nice to see you on JM.

MountainMomma · #14 January 1st, 2012, 04:34 PM

It's nice to be back on JM. This place was my "safe place" for so long. It nearly killed me to leave, but I knew that I was in such a bad place myself (mentally) that I had to have a break. It took longer than I thought, but it is definitely good to be back.