How do you deal with a friend's/relative's shower? (friend's pg ment)

cdukes2010 · #1 January 3rd, 2012, 10:42 AM

I received an invite over the weekend for a shower in late January for a friend of mine. My heart kind of sank when I opened it and saw all that sparkly pink paper. I'm excited for her but I'm not sure what my next step is. I sort of want to go because I don't want anyone to think I'm purposely avoiding it but at the same I am terrified. I actually put the invite on the fridge face down so I don't have to look at it every time I'm in the kitchen. I mean I can't avoid showers forever or until we get pg again so at some point I'm going to have to face my fears. Shortly after hers I'm sure my SIL will send out her invites as well and I definitely can't weasle my way out of that one.

So I think my plan is to RSVP, have a friend pick up a gift for me so I don't have to step foot into a baby store and see the registry, and if I chicken out at the last minute so be it.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this or experiences with showers post loss? Aside from showing up with a sippy cup full of wine I'm not sure how to deal with it once I get there.

martilynne · #2 January 3rd, 2012, 02:14 PM

I haven't been invited to many baby showers (not many of my friends have kids) but when I got invited to my SIL's I was a crappy SIL and skipped it. I had JUST had my 2nd M/C and just couldn't bring myself to go.

Belita · #3 January 3rd, 2012, 02:20 PM

I think your idea of RSVPing, having a friend pick up a gift, and playing it by ear sound good. If it's a true friend she'll understand. There is nothing wrong with just sending the gift without attending.

martilynne · #4 January 3rd, 2012, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Belita

I think your idea of RSVPing, having a friend pick up a gift, and playing it by ear sound good. If it's a true friend she'll understand. There is nothing wrong with just sending the gift without attending.

^^^^This

.:Shortcake:. · #5 January 4th, 2012, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Belita

I think your idea of RSVPing, having a friend pick up a gift, and playing it by ear sound good. If it's a true friend she'll understand. There is nothing wrong with just sending the gift without attending.

I couldn't have said it better. You have to do what is best for you. And honestly she might not fully understand but who could understand if you haven't lost a child. So take it day by day and if you can't go then don't push yourself to.

Cait&AngelAbove · #6 January 4th, 2012, 07:17 AM

I completely agree with the other ladies. One of my SILs had a baby back in July two weeks before my EDD. She wanted me to come to the hospital and I just could not do it. I had to protect myself. She did not understand but that is life.

EJsMommy · #7 January 4th, 2012, 07:42 AM

I was invited to a baby shower last year beginning and I was not able to get myself to go. We were ttc then and we were not successful. The issue was also that the baby was born on my birthday. Anyway I agree with the other ladies.

Erin84 · #8 January 4th, 2012, 09:26 AM

If you don't think you can handle it, DON'T GO. Better to keep your distance and send your love and a gift from afar than to show up and accidentally ruin it by having a breakdown (which wouldn't actually ruin anything, but I know if it were me I would feel like I did). If you DO think you can handle it, and you WANT to, then that's awesome

Just be true to yourself.

melissalaw · #9 January 4th, 2012, 10:38 AM

I agree with the other ladies do what is best for you. My best friend had a baby shower a few weeks after my loss and I felt obligated to go and I regretted every minute of it. I had to hold back the tears the entire time. Not that I wasn't happy for her but that all I could think of was the baby I should be having and that I should be having a shower also.