Spotting =( (Past Loss/Preg Mention)

LittleMomma09 · #1 January 15th, 2012, 09:34 PM

I am spotting and should start in the morning. I am a bundle of emotions. Oddly more happy than sad though. I have been worried about my tests not getting darker. I really think it was faulty tests, I would rather think that than a chemical pregnancy. Anyways I am taking not being pregnant after all this sad because my best friend is finding out Monday what she is having. I was so excited that I would have the good news of being pregnant to not dwell on the fact that she was just 2weeks ahead of my last loss. I can't get this mad feeling to go away when I think about it. I try my hardest to be overly happy for her, and most of the time I am. But when big milestones come up and she wants to go on and on about how happy she is really gets to me. When she comes and sees me we always go and see my mom who lives next to me. They go on and on about how many people are due in May and how many birthdays there are. I just sit there and want to scream at them... I don't.

Overall I am okay that this wasn't our month. I really wanted it to be but my DD and this one would of had the same EDD. I was okay with that as long as we got our rainbow baby, but it would have been very stressful birthday time.

Sorry for the rambling. I am just dreading tomorrow.

MauMama · #2 January 15th, 2012, 11:31 PM

Big, big hugs.

I have been in a very similar situation.

My SIL was due in Nov 07 with a girl. I was due in Nov 07 with twin girls.

She got her beautiful, placid baby girl.

Mine died.

All that year all anyone could talk about was her and her pregnancy. At least SOMEONE got to have a Nov baby they said.

I was devastated. It was like pouring boiling water into a wound.

And it doesn't end. You will see her baby grow. And you will catch yourself thinking, you know, I should have a baby that age too. Doing those things. Saying those funny things.

Why? Why me? Why us?

It does get easier though it is never easy. Time passes.

I think you have every right to be putting some space between yourself and your friend. I think it would be really healthy to do so.

You are happy for her; you're just experiencing grief right now and you're very, very unhappy for yourself.

This is so normal. 100% normal. It's a rollercoaster, grief. It's not something we actively do, pushing it down, down, down. Embrace the grief and mourn. You lost more than a baby. You lost a dream, an expectation, a vision of yourself and your life.

Big, big hugs. I do hope you get your sticky baby really soon.

doremi · #3 January 16th, 2012, 12:26 AM

I totally agree with everything MauMama said. Allow yourself time to grieve, and if you need space, take it. I'm really sorry this wasn't your month

humnck · #4 January 16th, 2012, 07:01 AM

I think Jen said it perfectly!

When I had my first loss, my SIL and sister were both due within a week or two of me. They were all over at my house a couple of weeks after my loss and the two of them were talking about their pgs, it was so hard I went in the other room and cried, I just wanted them to stop talking about it for a minute, but it was all anyone could talk about. I was happy for them, but at the same time I was still grieving. Luckily my mom was there too and she gave me a big hug, I really needed it! I hope you have someone to give you a big hug, I can offer virtual hugs.

Let yourself grieve, let your friend know you are so happy for her, but you are still in the grieving process and you need a little space if that is what it takes.

HUGS!! I hope you have your rainbow baby soon!!

martilynne · #5 January 16th, 2012, 07:33 AM

Belita · #6 January 16th, 2012, 09:17 AM

Jen said it perfectly. I have a friend who is 2.5 weeks ahead of me. She's still pregnant, but happy and also complaining about pregnancy. I have to take breaks from her. I feel badly but I even hid her on Facebook. I'm sorry you didn't get your BFP. I hope you get it soon!

.:Shortcake:. · #7 January 16th, 2012, 12:32 PM

Just wanted to offer you some

MauMama · #8 January 16th, 2012, 10:31 PM

More hugs for today.

LittleMomma09 · #9 January 16th, 2012, 10:58 PM

Thank you ladies so very very much! She came and seen me today and it went okay. I let her know how I was feeling and she understood to an extent. She made me a little mad when she said that her SIL was also pregnant with us and is happy for her and that she had a previous loss at 6months... kinda like since mine was just at 9weeks I should be okay with being happy for her. I also think I could have to today better if I hadn't had any + tests. But I had multiple. I took a blue dye test today because it was the only type I hadn't tried and it was +. I tested because it spotted twice last night when I wiped and then when I got up I didn't see anything. I still haven't started but I am having awful cramps. I am going to the doctor in the morning because I think I have a UTI. I'm going to see if they will do a blood test on me just to make sure it wasn't a MC. It's a doctors office at my husbands work so there a very basic doctors office. I don't mind though, it's free. I'll update tomorrow!!

Also MuaMama you are a very kind person! I read what you wrote this morning and it was one of the things that helped me most today!

BIG BIG HUGS!!

humnck · #10 January 17th, 2012, 08:24 AM

I hope they can give you answers! Sending big hugs your way!!

TnPhotoMama81 · #11 January 17th, 2012, 03:52 PM

*hugs* I hope you can get some answers. I am sorry this wasn't your month

LittleMomma09 · #12 January 17th, 2012, 10:16 PM

Whelp I have a UTI.... GREAT! NOT! AF decided to show her ugly face and she seems to want revenge on me lol. I am just thankful she is almost on time. It seems I have a 15day LP no matter when I O. Which is around CD13 to CD15. So happy I figured that out with FF. I am so happy to start a new cycle and to be moving forward. My question for yall is.......

How do you stop getting UTIs with so much BD?