My first post-loss TWW

Belita · #1 January 29th, 2012, 06:41 PM

I got my +OPK today and had really strong O cramps on my left side. Hope to see the temp spike tomorrow. I feel we've covered all our bases and now it's just up to nature and higher powers. Oddly, I'm not worried about conception. I have complete faith his swimmers will catch my egg, but I'm nervous about whether or not implantation will occur. I feel like if we get a

it's because the fertilized egg just slipped right out. I'm going to try to wait, but will probably test early because I'll want betas ASAP this time around.

I'm nervous, but optimistic about our chances. DH feels just optimistic. I asked him if he thinks Gabriel is coming back to us this cycle and he said "Yup!"

I may need some hand-holding through this first TTCAL TWW, just to warn you!

*Disclaimer: this is actually a photo of my +OPK from December, but today's looks just like this and I see no need to take another for OPKs. BFP is another thing! If I get one of those it'll be all new pics!

L-SBB · #2 January 29th, 2012, 07:44 PM

yay for a +opk! good luck this cycle!!

LittleMomma09 · #3 January 29th, 2012, 08:16 PM

Good luck sweetie! Your chart looks great by the way!

.:Shortcake:. · #4 January 30th, 2012, 06:16 AM

Wohoo for a positive OPK! Sending lots of baby dust your way. I have everything crossed that Gabriel comes back to you this cycle!

Belita · #5 January 30th, 2012, 12:19 PM

I'm starting to feel better about this TWW already. I mentioned my spotting last cycle to a nurse at my OB's office and they are getting me in when I'm 10 DPO for a progesterone check since I mentioned I'm concerned about the spotting's impact on my chances for a healthy pregnancy.

The doctor said she wouldn't be concerned unless it was a regular occurrance, but I'm so glad they're getting me in there to do the check anyways on February 7th. That's early enough that if I do have a progesterone problem it should help even if I'm pregnant as I'd just be finding out around then! I may ask for an hCG at that time, too, just in case.

markswife · #6 January 30th, 2012, 01:31 PM

I'm so glad that you have a good plan in place. I hope it all works out perfectly for you.

Belita · #7 January 30th, 2012, 03:25 PM

Thanks! I've decided not to switch OBs after all. I was very unhappy with her lack of bedside manner when I was having my loss, but having a doctor's office that is going out of their way to reassure me and that follows up with me so well is worth sticking with. I'll just have a little talk with her and let her know I need a little more nurturing and ask if she can try to do that for me.

martilynne · #8 January 30th, 2012, 08:09 PM

Yay! I'm in the 2ww too, you can lean on me

That being said, I hope this is your last 2ww for a very long time!

HopeTea · #9 January 30th, 2012, 11:14 PM

So excited for you to get your BFP!

Belita · #10 January 31st, 2012, 04:52 PM

Thanks! I was feeling optimistic the past few days, but then just an hour or so ago I started panicking. I'm terrified of not getting pregnant and am also terrified of another loss. I'm actually not sure which scares me more.

Optimism, where did you go?!?!

HopeTea · #11 January 31st, 2012, 04:57 PM

I think it will come and go. It certainly is for me! One tiny thing can change my whole outlook! Hope your TWW goes by quickly!

Belita · #12 February 2nd, 2012, 09:13 AM

Yeah, as much as I know she's trying to be there for me, talking to my pregnant best friend just isn't helping me. She has marginal previa and she's lumping her experience with that (and a cyst earlier in her pregnancy) with my loss. Complications, while scary, are not the same as a loss!

Now that I'm getting closer to testing time I'm overanalyzing everything. I know it's still too early for symptoms, but my BFP cycle my boobs were much more sore. I know that ovulation symptoms are not the same as pregnancy symptoms, and that my pregnancy probably changed my perception on what "sore boobs" actually are, but it's disheartening.

I'm looking at my chart and comparing this cycle's post-O temps to my BFP. It's only 4 DPO, but so far they are pretty similar except for consistently being .2F below that cycle. I'm not even sure how much temps this early in a cycle tell anyways.

I think at this point I'm more scared about not getting pregnant than about getting pregnant. I'm sure that'll change really quickly if I do get a BFP, but that's where I'm at right now.

Lav · #13 February 2nd, 2012, 12:52 PM

Hi Belita, what are betas?

I wish you best of luck! I'm kind of in the same boat with you. Very hopeful to get/be pregnant but afraid of another loss!

I'm also scared of the progesterone being a problem again and want to start with the gel as early as possible if I AM going to be pregnant this cycle. My gyn wants to monitor me very closely she said on Tuesday, so I just called her to let her know I think I may have ovulated last night.

I send you lots of baby dust! Hopefully we'll both get our BFPs!!!

Belita · #14 February 2nd, 2012, 02:56 PM

Thanks! Lots of baby dust to you, too! I hope we both get our rainbow babies this cycle!

Belita · #15 February 2nd, 2012, 05:50 PM

Lav, betas are the hCG numbers.

Also, I'm feeling better about this cycle now. I just changed the settings on my overlay chart so it pins both ovulation and coverline. It helps me compare the cycles better and so far this cycle is looking even better than my BFP cycle (I think)!!

Belita · #16 February 3rd, 2012, 01:22 PM

Oh. My. Goodness!!! My temp has never gone this high above my coverline!!!! My boobs are also starting to hurt. They've had a slight tenderness but it's getting more tender now. I texted DH and told him and he said "I'm pleased that you are in pain."

I'm starting to feel much more positive and am actually getting excited!

LittleMomma09 · #17 February 3rd, 2012, 02:12 PM

YAY!! Boob pain!!

Belita · #18 February 3rd, 2012, 05:16 PM

Thanks! I got really excited when we hugged and it hurt. I said to DH, "You're hurting my boobs!" He apologized, but I said, "No, keep doing it! I like it! Worse is better!"