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New here, (mc) rant sorry


Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  #1  
March 13th, 2012, 11:27 AM
dibbers's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 786
Hi Ladies,

Ive come over (sadly) from ttc#1

Ive been ttc since september and got my first ever BFP on tuesday last week, I sadly started bleeding sunday and have miscarried.

I have been total devastated but now I just feel so angry!!!

Im angry that the doctors wouldnt see me on sunday, that they waited 3 hours to call me back on Monday, that they booked me in for a scan on Tuesday and then left me in the waiting room of the hospital for an hour after they did a pregnancy test before they told me it was negative EVEN though I could here them talking at reception about the results!!!

3 whole days just to be told to do a pregnancy test!!! They didnt even bother with the scan, if i had known thats all they would do I would of done it Sunday and started the process of getting over my loss.
Instead I had all my family trying to keep me positive with stories of ppl who bled through pregnancy and were fine.

Im just so angry!!!! Im angry with myself also for rushing to tell our families our 'good news'

having to tell them this news is so hard!!!

well thats my rant, Im Sophie by the way, did anyone else feel anger after a loss?? x
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  #2  
March 13th, 2012, 12:24 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,615
I'm so sorry for your loss...

It's totally normal to be angry, it's a natural part of grieving. I would get really angry when I thought about friends and family that had baby after baby that were not good parents or didn't want their kids. And I'd get mad when I'd see people not appreciating the little ones that they had. And I was mad at my body for letting me and my husband down. Lots of anger, along with everything else...
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  #3  
March 13th, 2012, 01:21 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: buffalo,ny
Posts: 1,492
im so sorry for your loss i hope your stay here is short. but yes ur feeling how alot of peole feel. i would be so angry to that u had to sit in the er waiting room and that your doc wouldn't give u a stat scan or anything!. we r all here for u and jump right in to the ttcal bored, the lady here r so nice my names tasha, iv bin on ttcal bored for about 3m and they have helped me so much i hope you get as much out of this group as i did
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  #4  
March 13th, 2012, 01:33 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 9,810
i'm so sorry for your loss Sophie anger is a very normal reaction...I was really angry after my first loss too - i felt so naive, it never honestly even occurred to me that we'd walk into our first u/s and there be something wrong. And it's a really tough thing to discover that prior to viability, doctors will treat you very differently (as you experienced) during a bleeding/loss situation...they realize (even if you don't at that time) that there is nothing generally that can be done, and b/c they see these early losses all of the time sometimes they're not as sensitive as they could be - while it's routine for them, it's devastating for the individual woman experiencing it in that moment.

I'm glad you found us here in TTCAL - lots of great support to be had & some amazing ladies you can lean on. HUGS
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  #5  
March 14th, 2012, 03:34 AM
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,035
Sophie! I am so very sorry for your loss. Anger is a stage of the grieving process. I know that after my first loss that was one of the main things. I was devastated but I had this anger inside of me that I have never known before. I felt cheated and was angry at the world. It's normal to feel that way. Let yourself feel however your feeling because your grieving and you need to do that. I'm so sorry that the doctors/hospital treated you that way. My first OB was the same way and I left after my first loss and never looked back. We are here for you.
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  #6  
March 14th, 2012, 10:55 AM
dibbers's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 786
Thank you, your all very kind. xx
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  #7  
March 14th, 2012, 01:00 PM
markswife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,680
I'm so sorry for your loss. It makes the pain worse to get the run around like you did. I had the same struggles with my first OB's office. I was almost more hurt and angry about how I was treated than by the loss itself. I'm so sorry that you couldn't get clear answers and support when you needed them. It sure would have made a terrible experience a little less painful.

I hope that you get your sticky BFP real soon!!
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  #8  
March 14th, 2012, 01:21 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,248
I am so sorry for your loss, but glad you made it over here, these ladies are great!

Anger is totally normal, especially after being treated the way you were. I am so thankful to have such a great doctor that is empathetic and as involved emotionally in my pregnancies and losses as I am. Just as Lara said, many doctors out there see this so often that it is routine for them, sadly. They just forget that the person going through it doesn't see it/go through it every day, that they have just begun their journey.

I hope your stay here is short and sweet! HUGS!!
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  #9  
March 14th, 2012, 02:08 PM
Cait&AngelAbove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 10,629
I am so sorry for your loss! Feeling angry is completely normal! I still feel angry on occasion.
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  #10  
March 14th, 2012, 04:03 PM
pepper73's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,188
Hi and welcome to TTCAL! This is a great place to come for support. I am so sorry for your loss, and also so sorry for how you were treated at the doctor. That just makes it all so much harder. Good luck TTC...I hope you get your rainbow baby soon!
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  #11  
March 14th, 2012, 04:25 PM
dibbers's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 786
Thanks, I feel alot better today. Managed to get most of the anger out of my system, its my BFs birthday today so didn't want all this to ruin the day.

thanks again x
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  #12  
March 14th, 2012, 06:03 PM
pepper73's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,188
I'm glad you're feeling better. You'll find that you will go through a ton of emotions before things start to even out. The hurt will never totally leave, but it will get easier. We are all here for you through it all!
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  #13  
March 15th, 2012, 12:08 PM
martilynne's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 12,593
I'm so sorry for your loss. I still get angry about my losses, it's normal.
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  #14  
March 15th, 2012, 01:30 PM
Blieving4more's Avatar ready 4 my miracle
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: near Boston
Posts: 905
Sophie I am so sorry for your loss. Drs and hospitals can be so insensitive towards woman like us because they see miscarriages so often. My heart goes out to you and what you had to experience. Please know that we are all here for you and unfortunately you are going to go through a wave of more emotions through this process of grieving but please feel free to reach out to us with questions or ranting. I have experienced this heartache 3 times already but as you will see there are other women here who have had their rainbow babies after great loss. so there is HOPE! Hang in there dear.
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