I feel like getting sick, or crying.. (loss mentioned)

Grlsshp9 · #1 April 4th, 2012, 04:54 PM

So, I was watching 16 and pregnant, (I love all pregnancies shows) and I of course started thinking about my baby. I went to Youtube and typed in D&C incomplete miscarriage well they didn't have any videos. I honestly don't know why I would even want to know how they got my baby out or what they did, so I typed in 9 week fetal abortion. I was 10 weeks, but that's irrelevant. IT WAS HORRIBLE. It was animated but I wish I never would have watched it.

STOP - This next part might disturb some of you

The amniotic fluid, placenta and fetus are suctioned into a collection jar, and the fetus is torn apart in the process. I wanna cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They tore my baby apart? I'm only 18 years old, It was enough having to lose my baby and now I find out they ripped my baby apart? ***!!!! That makes me soooooooo sad. I don't even want to know what they did with him after that

I'm so sad now, I am so glad I am taking a break, I'm not emotionally ready to walk into another ultrasound room. That makes me sad that from now on I will always be a nervous wreck walking into a sonogram. That should be a happy moment for all of us, and now we can't even enjoy it..

DH called today and said he will be home in 3 MONTHS! how exciting! First it was 6-9 months and then it was 4 months and now 3! I am elated

Also normally Nick isn't as excited as I am and doesn't really like talking about ttc, maybe it's a man thing? BUT today I didn't even say anything and he said when I get home were going to have a baby

That makes me feel a lot better because I feel like I have been pushing it on him, but now I know he is ready emotionally, and I will be too once he is home.
I hope you all are doing well!!!!

EJsMommy · #2 April 4th, 2012, 05:08 PM

Sad that a D&C is not such a nice way of cleaning up the uterus for the miscarried baby.
I am happy that your DH is coming home sooner than initially anticipated. Also happy that he is emotionally ready as you are to make baby.

Glitz · #3 April 4th, 2012, 05:30 PM

really, now I really do not want to get D&C. I am still waiting to miscarry naturaly, but I still have to think about if it does not happen I might have go in for that

Its so nice when men want babies too.

JulieMc · #4 April 4th, 2012, 05:33 PM

D&C is basically the same process as an abortion. It's horrible, and one of the reasons I have always wanted to avoid it (that and the potential things that could go wrong).

That is awesome news that your husband is coming back sooner!!

humnck · #5 April 5th, 2012, 10:08 AM

Step away from the YouTube

It really is a sad way to have to ensure that things are cleared out. When I had both of my losses, I actually had a D&E, instead of scraping they simply do the vacuuming, but essentially the same procedure. However, in my case, both losses, my body just didn't realize it needed to naturally miscarry, I was 4 weeks past the point where something should have happened with my first and not one sign of anything, I just really needed to move on, with the 2nd, I was almost 4 weeks past and nothing was happening. Sometimes, we just have to move on, as awful as it is to think about how they do it (which is why I try not to), try not to dwell on it, hard, I know!

But, thinking about how it was done, will only make you feel worse, try to focus on the fact that DH is totally excited to TTC and that he will be home in 3 months! YAY for that!! I am so excited for you and I hope you get your rainbow baby quickly!

Grlsshp9 · #6 April 5th, 2012, 11:36 AM

It is very sad to know how it happened, but I really needed closure. I feel like I have gotten that now. In a way I wish I didn't know but I feel some sense of peace now like I can finally let go, but never forget my angel of course.

& yes, knowing DH is ready in every aspect makes me feel a lot better about a lot of things. I now have confirmation that he DOES want a baby with me even after this, I didn't want to push something so serious on him. Were only 18! We're very very very young, but we've already started our career's and have such a beautiful life together already. I would never want to "force" a baby on him at such a young age. I had to have the conversation with him that just because I am ready doesn't mean he needs to be. He reassured me that he is in fact ready, so that is a big weight lifted off of my shoulders.
Thank you all for commenting!!

.:Shortcake:. · #7 April 5th, 2012, 05:57 PM

Sometimes the internet (ie. google, youtube) can be your worst enemy and worst think to turn to. My advice is to take time away from TTC while DH is away. Take that time to heal yourself emotionally. That when when he returns your both is a great place to jump back in feet first!

Grlsshp9 · #8 April 6th, 2012, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by .:Shortcake:.

Sometimes the internet (ie. google, youtube) can be your worst enemy and worst think to turn to. My advice is to take time away from TTC while DH is away. Take that time to heal yourself emotionally. That when when he returns your both is a great place to jump back in feet first!

Yeah that's what I am going to do; that gives me time to let my body heal and time for myself to mentally prepare.