[~~MeeMee~~]

Please know before reading this I’m asking about options to complete my miscarriage, please proceed cautionsly I don’t want to upset anyone.

Hi, I’m Aimee and DH, J, and I were expecting our second due in November 2012, but at my OB appointment yesterday I learned that our little one has loss his/her battle to survive and is in God’s hands now. Officially I am/was 10 weeks and 4 days. We are extremely sad and heartbroken, but deep down inside we are at peace because from the start of this pregnancy everything was off and not going smoothly so I truly believe our baby was severely unhealthy and is in a better place now.

I have had absolutely no spotting, bleeding or cramping. My OB has given me several options: 1. Do nothing and let nature take its course, she said because of no symptoms as of now she thinks things will progress very slow and if my body doesn’t pass on its own in about two weeks we would have to proceed to one of the other options (or do one of the other options now) 2. Have misoprostol tablets inserted vaginally to help nature along and pass at home or 3. Have a scheduled D&C.

My first thoughts are I want to let nature takes its course and wait, but even now every little thing I’m like is it starting now? I’m already scared to leave the house expecting at any minute something is going to happen. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go on like this for possibly two weeks or more, plus I want to get things complete so we can start TTC again soon. So I’m thinking about the misoprostol tablets, but then it’s like do I really want to see myself passing or should I just be put to sleep and wake up with everything done and over with….I asked about risk factors for pregnancy after D&C and my OB said they have come a long way, but yes this option has the greater risk something can go wrong but very rare, she then said that the misoprostol tablets are very effective but there is a slight risk that it doesn’t cause my body to pass so then I’ll have to have a D&C anyway….so I’m struggling with this decision of what course of action to take.

I told my OB that we will wait until Monday to give her an answer. For those of you ladies who have been in a similar situation and you are up to sharing your thoughts and opinions with me I would greatly appreciate it….but I understand if you all are unable to share. Thanks again…

[Blieving4more]

I am so sorry for your loss. My name is Rebecca and I can share with you my experiences and I hope that they will help. My first miscarriage was at 12 weeks and like you I had a "missed miscarriage". My babies (they think i was pregnant with twins) stopped growing at around 7 weeks and my body didn't know it. Once I got the news that I had lost them a few days later I began to bleed. It was almost as if I needed to hear from the doctor that it was over before my body could begin to let go. It began as a heavy period and I was able to go to work but after a few days I was unable to pass all the "products of conception" on my own and began to have severe bleeding and cramping as if I was in labor. I was rushed to the ER and the doctors did what they called an "assisted abortion". It was not a D&C because they did not scrape me or use suction they just gave me morphine for the pain and used some clamps to get all of the remains out. It was a very difficult experience. My other miscarriages I was able to pass everything on my own naturally because they were so early on. Everyone's body is different and only you know what you can handle both physically and emotionally. I pray that you will continue to have peace in this situation and please know that there are no right or wrong decisions for this process. It's about what is best for you right now. Praying that you will recover quickly and will be sharing stories of your rainbow baby with all of us soon!!

[.:Shortcake:.]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I was farther along than you are now with my first loss. When we learned the baby did not have a heartbeat we opted for the D&C. The reason we did that was to not only have it done and over so I could start to grieve but also to have testing done on the baby to see if there were any chromosome issues. Given the chance I would do that again. I have had many losses. That was my only D&C but for me the natural ones have been a lot harder for me to deal with. Here is a link that I posted in the Pregnancy Loss Board with the different options and what they entail. We are here for you hun.

http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1...diagnosis.html (What to Expect After a Miscarriage or Pregnancy Loss Diagnosis)

[~~MeeMee~~]

Thank-you ladies for sharing with me, it’s definitely giving me more insight to make this hard decision. Katie, thank-you for the link to the information on the other board, I guess I should have posted on that board instead of this one, but thanks again to both of you for sharing.

[stargatemommy]

I am sorry for your loss!

I generally chose to have a D&C. When my babies dies, I want them out ASAP. I don't like having the experience linger.... I like to move on and start trying again, rather than waiting. Of course this is just how I am. Also, the first miscarriage I had, was a missed miscarriage. I decided to wait, and after about a month, I spiked a fever of 105 and started getting really sick. The baby had caused me to get an infection and I needed a D&C anyways.....

I was due in October, and I had a D&C at 10 weeks, my baby was sent to the lab for genetic testing....

[.:Shortcake:.]

Originally Posted by sleepinangel

Thank-you ladies for sharing with me, it’s definitely giving me more insight to make this hard decision. Katie, thank-you for the link to the information on the other board, I guess I should have posted on that board instead of this one, but thanks again to both of you for sharing.

Do not feel bad for posting this here. That is what we are here for dear. You can post here, there or both. No matter what you just need the support as your going through this. I know that information is handy for helping decide.

[tela]

hugs! i am so sorry for your loss. i was in the nov ddc too. here is my experience - i had a missed m/c at 7.5 weeks. i was 9.1 weeks when i had the u/s. since over a week had gone by with no cramping and minimal bleeding (i had 1 gush of red blood the night before my u/s, which they don't think was related to the m/c), my OB said a natural m/c would likely be long and painful since the baby was over 7 weeks. and there is always the risk of hemorrhaging. i opted for the D&E. i'm so glad that i did. if you'd like to know my detailed experience, i am happy to share that. in short, it was all over that day. i had a bit of spotting that day and nothing since. no pain at all. i am waiting for my 1st AF then waiting 1 more cycle to TTC (as suggested by my OB). i feel like i got closure that way and can move on quicker. sure, it's still emotionally painful (like any m/c). but i'm glad i didn't have to deal with any of the physical stuff. i only missed 1 day of work.

[~~MeeMee~~]

Erica, thanks for sharing, I hope you get some answers soon. Tela, I remember you and thank-you for sharing.

[terajet]

So sorry you are going through this. My first loss was a missed abortion and I opted for a D&C at 10 weeks because I had been spotting on and off and like you was worried that I would be out somewhere and have a large gush (I wasn't sure what to expect). We also wanted testing done to know the cause of the loss. I was drowsy after the procedure but was up and about the next day attending my DD hockey tournament. I had minimal bleeding afterwards. My second loss, the gestational sac developed properly but it remained empty. At 11 weeks I was given cytotec (same as misprostol I think) to be taken vaginally. I took them a 9 pm and woke up around 1 am with mild cramping that progressively got worse. The whole ordeal was over around 5:30 am. It was rather painful but again the next day I was tired due to lack of sleep but generally ok. I bled for aprox 2 weeks afterwards. The hardest part was collecting the "tissue" for analysis.

In my opinion if (and I hope I never do) I have another loss and the doctor wants to do testing I would opt for the D&C. It is much easier emotionally.

HUGS....Hopefully this is all over for you soon so that you can grieve and eventually get back to TTC. Feel free to stick around.... the ladies on this board are a great support system.

[Grlsshp9]

Honestly I went through the exact same thing. I had an incomplete miscarriage at 10 weeks, but didn't find out until I my 12 week appointment. I had no bleeding or cramping or anything, but I knew something wasn't right at the beginning. I knew I wanted the D&C right away because I wouldn't ever be the same, or want to try again for a very long time if I had to go through it naturally. I wouldn't know what to do, or how to do it, so many things pushed me towards the D&C. I am so very glad I had the procedure though, I didn't have any cramps afterwards, and I bled for 2 weeks, and had a period at 5 & a half weeks. I Just wasn't emotionally capable of handling it naturally. I coped way better having the procedure. I am so sorry for your loss, no one should ever have to go through this. You will heal with time, as long as you have a support system you will make it through this, and we are all here for you through your mourning. I will pray for you.

[stargatemommy]

I also prefer D&Cs because you don't have to see the baby pass. I had later natural miscarriage and seeing my baby get flushed down the toilet was the hardest part of that loss.....

[Grlsshp9]

Originally Posted by stargatemommy

I also prefer D&Cs because you don't have to see the baby pass. I had later natural miscarriage and seeing my baby get flushed down the toilet was the hardest part of that loss.....

That was something that really pushed me to the D&C. I would never be able to flush my baby. I don't think anyone is emotionally capable of dealing with a natural m/c. It's painful, and it just seems to linger longer.

[JulieMc]

For me, the choice would be to do the least invasive option first. There is risk of scarring and consequently harm to future fertility with a D&C. Google "Asherman's Syndrome". Doctors are not going to emphasize this, of course, but from what I understand a D&C is a "blind" procedure...they are scraping away at the lining of your uterus without using any imaging to guide them. For this reason, I have always wanted to avoid it. The not knowing is torture, yes, but for me it's preferable to the possible negative side effects that could come with a D&C. And to be clear, I am not saying the chance is even very high that you could experience the negative outcomes...I'm just saying to me, the risk isn't worth it. Perhaps it may be worth it to you though, and that's your decision to make obviously. There's always the chance that it wouldn't happen on its own and you'd have to get the D&C anyways....but to me, I'd feel better about having the D&C knowing that I tried the least invasive options first.

I have faith that my body knows how to birth naturally, AND knows how to miscarry naturally, so I would choose to wait it out. I would have been much more emotionally wrecked by having to go through a surgical procedure, and I would have also not been happy with the added wait time for TTC that a D&C brings with it.

But again...I know there are other ladies who feel completely differently, and would rather be put under and have the baby removed surgically. Really, only you can make the decision.

Also...you can still have testing done if you opt to allow the body to miscarry naturally. Just save some of the tissue and bring it in. They can send it off to the lab. My last miscarriage (at 11w) started spontaneously and very violently (I hemorrhaged)....and I'd lost the baby already by the time I got to the ER...but they were still able to find "products of conception" (pieces of fetal tissue) in all of their sheets and pads that I soaked with blood.

[stargatemommy]

That is a very good point Julie! D&Cs are blind. I get all wrapped up in my emotions thought that I am not thinking of that when I get them, I have had 13 losses and only 2 D&Cs.....

[BeckyBozeman]

My first loss was a missed miscarriage. I was at almost 11 weeks when I started spotting lightly. I'd been feeling off and worried about the whole pregnancy and so I went for an ultrasound. We discovered that the baby had stopped growing between 8 and 9 weeks and there was no longer a heartbeat. Like Julie I wanted to let my body deal with it if possible. I spotted for a few more days. Then woke up to what I knew were contractions. I was basically in labor for seven hours and passed my little bean in the tub.

For me it was the best choice, and I chose to do the same thing when we discovered that we'd lost our second baby. It was hard and it was painful but it felt important to me. I have never regretted the choice I made.

That being said, I know that it's not always possible and that everyone needs to make the decision that they can live with. I'm very sorry for your loss and hope that you're able to find the best way for you to be able to move on. Hugs and please feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

[doremi]

Both of my miscarriages were at 5 weeks, and they were both natural miscarriages. I was very thankful my body took care of things on it's own. Like Julie, it would have felt much more traumatic *for me* to have to go to the hospital and have surgery. Being able to hole up at home was a comfort to me. If I had been further along, I probably would have been more scared to have the miscarriage at home, because of the fear of seeing the fetus. But, mine were early enough that I didn't have to see anything that resembled a person. Good luck with your decision!

[fromustobaby]

I had a missed m/c at 9weeks last year (the baby had died 1-2 days before my U/S and measured right around 9 weeks so they said a natural m/c might not happen for a month!!)...I wanted it out, I was more freaked out having it in there not alive than anything else...they gave me misoprostol (inserted vaginally)...inserting it was mindnumbingly hard, but within a few hours the contractions started (it hurt - like contractions, take the pain medicine they give you if you choose to go this route), the baby came out about 4 hours after I inserted the pills...the gestational sac didnt come out until 4 days later though, which freaked me out a lot cause I was home alone with my son...but, once that happened, I had an U/S and everything was out and I could move on...

huge hugs, M/Cs suck, specially the missed ones that mess with your head cause thre is just no outward signs...

[audiesmommy]

i am so sorry for your loss, i have bin right where you are and also chose a dnc. i went to the er because i had a small amount of brown spotting and found out at 10 weeks 4 days that my baby had passed away at 10 week 1 day i think is what they said. they wouldnt send me home because i was a mess, my doctor came in and told me he wanted to do a dnc and explained to me he didnt want em going home to do this without a medical person because the baby did grow to 10 weeks and was on the bigger side. if i have 5 weeks i would deff go for the pills because everything's so tiny i could trick myself at least for a little while to thinking i was ok. but with being 10 weeks i saw his point on that i didnt need to see that or risk having anything happen but every mom has there own choice to do what they think is best and im sure you will chose what is best for you. we will be her to support you with any choice you make

[L-SBB]

i am so very sorry for your loss

I have had multiple m/cs and so have actually chosen 2 of the 3 options you've been given....my first loss was so unexpected & traumatic that we opted for a D&C primarily because I just couldn't handle waiting (and i had some other issues complicating the situation). While the D&C was painless, I'll be honest I found the process of being in the hospital - where some of the nursing staff was not as sensitive as I could have hoped - really difficult and the waking up in a recovery room suddenly not pregnant is something i really hope I don't have to experience again.

In addition to what Julie pointed it it's worth knowing that while 1 D&C doesn't (outside of rare complications) raise risk of future fertility issues, multiple D&Cs can....with my first loss I (stupidly) assumed it would never happen to me again so wasn't an issue...but it is something to consider since ultimately we can't control what may happen in future and sometimes D&Cs turn out to be unavoidable.

With my 2nd loss, in part because of how I felt about my D&C, I opted to try to go naturally with it....I know this isn't everyone's experience but for me it was not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be and not terribly painful (physically) either - although there was some severe cramping, but it was manageable.

I haven't done the pills, however that would probably be my last choice to do - maybe someone else here has experience with them, I would worry that they would actually make the physical part of the loss more painful although if your goal was to totally avoid a D&C that might be only option if your body doesn't start process naturally w/in your Dr's wait timeframe.

((((HUGS)))) KUP on how you're doing, it always breaks my heart to see someone else going through this & i know how crushing it is to experience it.

[cheeky_monkey]

I suffered a missed miscarriage as well last year. We found out that our baby's heart had stopped beating when we went in for a dating u/s to confirm how old baby was. I was supposed to be 9weeks 1 day pregnant on the day.

Our ob/gyn mentioned 3 options; go to hosp for an ERPC, waiting it out and collect any tissues that comes to take it to hosp or wait 12 days and give my body some time to miscarry on its own and if nothing happens he does my ERPC. I trust my doc to much and chose the 3rd option whilst hoping that I would miscarry on my own. I can tell you it was 12 days living in hell. Since he wanted the baby to be sent for histology I had to use a bucket every time I went to to the bathroom. Everytime I was a bowel motion (sorry for the tmi) I was scared as I was not going to pick up anything then. I started bleeding 4 days after we got to know that they baby was dead.

During those 12 days I felt that I could not cope and was furious with myself for havig chosen to wait. For me it was physically and mentally painful. Everytime pain increased I would email or text the ob/gyn to ask him if he thought that that was it coz I didn't have any idea of what was happenning. I was scared to go out, did not go to work (I work with kids, in a school and was scared of losing the baby in class), my friends did not understand what I was going through. DH couldn't do anything to help me and I didn't make it any easier for him coz I stopped talking, eating, basically was just living waiting for the pain and blood (that is what I was told to expect). After about a week and a half I started praying that I would not lose the baby at home coz I was too scared by then. The pain I was having was already nearly more than I could deal with and still no baby came out. Some days some tissue would come out but never the baby. in a way I think I did not really want to go through the ERPC though coz a friend of mine is an OB/GYN and he offered to do it for me as well but i never went in.

About three/four days before I was supped to go to hospital I kept on cradling my belly and telling the baby that it was ok if he wanted to come out, that I would never stop loving him/her, but that mummy was now tired of all that painand while I did not want to get rid of him/her I needed the pain to stop. Somehow up there someone must have heard my prayers coz at least the pain got bearable. I was hoping that since I had not miscarried at home by then the baby would hold long enough for me to have the ERPC. After all that I did not want to see him, I wanted to remember him like I saw him on the monitor. Also I was looking forward to the anaesthesia. Since I had gotten to know that the baby was dead I was having horrific nightmares during the 15 mins I would sleep.

On the day we got to hospital nothing had happened. Was still seeing blood but nothing else. I was admitted and given a bed but asked if I could use the toilet before they inserted the tablet down there to start the process. As soon as I finished and got up something made me look down. What was left of the baby was on the floor. I picked it up myself and spent about an eternity looking at him/her (or rather what was left of him/her) before I managed to wrap him in some tissue paper and asked DH to come in. When the nurse confirmed that it was what was left of the baby and part of the sac I nearly fainted. What happened after is all a blur. All I remember is that when the ob/gyn checked me to see if there was anything left I screamed with pain. After that I was sent for a confirming tvus and was sent home. What was left came out naturally the next day. 6 weeks later I was still having some bleeding and during the follow up u/s the ob/gyn saw that part of the sac was still there - a very small part.

At the time I was scared and cried at what I thought was my stupidity at chosing to wait but nowadays I am 'happy' with that choice. By then my baby had disintegrated and the few bits that survived served only to certify that it was indead a baby. My body had reabsorbed most of the baby (since it disintegrated my body reabsorbed the 'dust') so nowdays even though it still hurts I know that my baby is still with me. I have endo, so had I gone for the ERCP would have most probably made my endo even worse. It was hell, I stopped living and made life absolutely hell for my DH and everyone around me coz I simply stopped talking, but if I ever had to (God forbid) go through a loss like that I would chose to go through it again. It gave me time to say goodbye even though I felt like a walking tomb. For *me* it would have been more traumatic waking up knowing that the baby was not there anymore.

Whatever you chose make sure that you will be able to live with that decision so the aftermath is going to remain with you for a life time. Good luck for your decision xxxxxx