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Well ladies dropping by to say HELLO to those that remember me!
I've been absent from this board for quiet some time now and well it was MUCH NEEDED. It's taking allot for me to come on here after all that I've been thru here. Went thru FIVE losses and TWO confirmed by Dr. chemicals... and after all that I eventually went on birth control because DH was D_O_N_E trying. He hated what I went thru with each and honestly that last two I never even allowed myself to go thru a grieving period nor dealt with it in any way. I'm not bitter anymore. I think I'm at peace with it and well at least everything I went thru at the RE's office for recurrent miscarriages was worth it knowing that even tho I'm in my 30's I have the fertility of a 20 something minus the fact I've lost my left tube. With the healing tho... I guess you could say that it had just made me numb going thru so many the way I have. DH started to go thru allot of emotions about it back at the end of last summer, fall time... and well, we have been going thru some EXTREMELY tough times since then. We are working on ourselves and our marriage together, life has it's twists turns and flips but we know we are each others soul mates... He's my NOAH and I'm his ALLEY. So no matter what we are going to get thru it and it's just bringing us closer together and stronger. Altho it's a very strange situation that no one would understand, and I'mm not even going to go thru it. He's holding allot of feelings in from childhood all the way into adulthood so he's going to go back to therapy to work thru letting all of that go and healing from it. I go to therapy to learn to let go of things from my past as well and well as for coping skills for the daily chronic pain from fibromyalgia, arthritis, the 4 hernias and so on. I'm in the process of getting referred for surgery for the hernias finally, they are horrible pain when they pop out... I had no clue what it was for the longest time until I told the doctor and she felt around and noticed 2, then 3 and I found a 4th. She says I'm going to need a huge mesh LOL
A few weeks ago DH told me to go off my birth control that he wants us to have our baby together... he asked me if I would be willing to still after all we've been thru and I said yes. So I've been off my birth control. Had a crazy strong ovulation last week because of the intense pains I was having, thought it was just my kidney, but nope it wasn't it was definitely an O because they tested my urine at the doctors office for urinary tract infection which was negative. So who knows... we're just having wild, fun, crazy sex throwing caution to the wind. He did ask one thing, no monitors, test strips or any of it because it made it too stressful and well I agree! I don't want any part of it and well AF is going to have to be pretty late for me to take a preggo test. Right now I'm not paying attention to where I am in my cycle not to mention it's going to be different now I'm not on BCP anyways.
I have a good feeling about all of this...
Oh and I have lost 80 lbs since end of october, start of november! I've slacked going to the gym lately tho and I need to get back on my 6 days a week again. Just been in allot of pain lately so it's been sorta mandatory to let my body rest, but I hate that some of my tone has gone down altho I was getting a little TOO BUFF for a woman. I could hang on the lbs of weights that guys do LOL
I'm having more fun going out with my girls and having some drinks here n there, it relaxes me to have girl time and I think that's something I've been missing to keep my stress levels down altho what were' still dealing with causes much stress we talk allot and well the whole going out helps make me forget about it for a period of time.
I started school during the spring semester for studio arts not sure if any of you remember but I passed my test and have my tattoo license. So the studio arts degree will help me with my tattooing they go hand in hand in allot of ways. I need brushing up on drawing techniques mostly, but I get to paint, pottery, photography, art history and so on.... I've started painting again, did a Jason mask on a huge 40x30 canvas for DH's birthday and it came out pretty good considering I haven't painted in over 12 years... took me no time at all to do it, perhaps 5-6 hours total work time.
ALLOT of compliments and when we worked the horror convention towards the end of April there were allot of people there taking photographs of it because they were mesmerized. I met allot of celebrities that weekend and even chilled out in a presidential suite watching UFC with them... Sean Patrick Flanery (boondock saints), Norman Reedus (boondock saints & walking dead) & Michael Rooker (from walking dead). My husband got insanely jealous that Norman was flirting with me the whole night, I think perhaps it was because I wasn't one of those girls hanging all over him and well sometimes it's a turn on to guys to want what they can't have. He kept commenting on what a southern lady I was and how he loved my child bearing hips, thick thighs LOL MADE DH CRAZY LMAO!!! I didn't really notice it, but DH made me aware of it. Cool thing I got to hear some up and coming things about the walking dead new season, shhh. Good times!
DH and I are making it a point to go out of town a little more to tattoo conventions and stuff. There's on this month in NY that we would like to go to, but I'm not sure its going to happen because it's in the next couple weeks already and money has been tight to be truthful. I've been out of work for a couple months and well the past week or two things slowed down at the tattoo shop which has put a damper on finances. He was making more than enough until it dropped off. But it seems to be picking back up and I've been throwing my resumes every which way, altho allot of jobs I'm overqualified for and well they don't pay enough :/ but I'm to the point that I'm almost ready to just take it until something better comes along. My classes are online except 1 of them so my schedule is freed up allot more this summer semester.
Um, I can't really think of much else to say perhaps I should post some before and afters of my weight loss as well as my painting. (which is so much better in person, the lighting sucks to really see it in the pix)
Hi Celena! I've been thinking about you a lot! I am so glad that you're doing better than you were. I know you were in a bad place. YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!!!!! I hope things only keep getting better for you!!
__________________ ~ Lovisa
~ Married to DH Gus 06/27/1998
~ Son Erik Jackson still born 11/04/09 - EDD 03/02/2010
~ Expecting our rainbow baby September 7, 2012 - grew wings on 1/27/2012
Please do not mention anything from the JM board on my Facebook page
I do feel better about those dark places I was in because of my losses. It is something I've grown to be at peace with even tho I have never fully dealt with the last two.
Going thru some stuff with DH that has been very heartbreaking, but we are truly working thru things... it's hard for each other to hear some of the things we have to express, but communication is KEY in working thru things. I cannot get into it all and I've hit some really low, dark, lonely, confused spots with all of it... to the point I had been thinking of taking a SOLO trip somewhere ANYwhere just to get away to work on my sanity. The end all be all no matter where you go there you are... the problems will still exist, but in my mind it will give me enough of a mental break to collect myself and approach it with a fresh mind. (my plan was the mountains, camping alone of taking a friend just for safety measures) Anyways, enough about that.
I'm glad to be popping in here. I will try to come offer my support and veteran advice as much as I can, but being we are working on our relationship I cannot let being on the board interfere with us time OR school.
I was looking thru my RE charts the other day and there's a few abnormalities highlighted on bloodwork that caught my eye, but it could be because I have autoimmune issues. Who knows, might just take it all into my family doctor because she does "super panel" testing there thru her office for gyn stuff.
Anyways... Ask me ANY QUESTIONS you want to because I'm sure there's so much to tell you that I can't think of writing in that novel up there LMFAO!
gosh and I cannot believe it has been FOUR YEARS since we had started trying to concieve~! WOW!! Well here's to a FRESH START
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I love you, and I'm so happy you feel good enough to be back. You know I've been routing for you all along and Celena I can't wait to cheer you on with a BFP!
My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11
Want a siggy in a hurry? Check out my Siggy Express Lane My blog
Thank you Katie, I had a little extra free time and decided wth I'm going to pop in there
Thank you!!!
Perhaps eventually I can get more involved... but for now I'll try to pop in and offer veteran advice and support. It keeps resonating in me all the wonderful things people have said about how I helped them out of their darkest places that perhaps I could do that again since I've come to a sort of peace with everything.
holy crud welcome back Celena!!! it's been way way too long! Sounds like you've been through some tough stuff personally but I'm glad things are working out and congrats on the weight loss that's amazing!
Celena, it's great to see you! YOU LOOK AMAZING! I just recently started posting again after a very long break myself. It definitely helped me to be in a much better place, and I am glad to know it worked for you too. I really think we are both going to be getting our BFP's soon. Maybe we will even get to join the same DDC!
I do have good feelings now... it feels right and good time!
Thank you everyone for the compliments, it's taken me a VERY LONG time to learn to accept them. Well my whole life LOL, never been one to take them well
Girl I am excited to have you back around this place! And of COURSE you look FANTASTIC. That blue & white dress is beautiful! I'm jealous of it! And your BOOBS, hubba hubba!
With us on earth for five short days, with us in our hearts forever.
(Thank you Natasha for this beautiful graphic of Andrew, and to the ladies of the Nov 10 PR who help me in carrying on his memory.)
Jan. 2009: Came off years of BCP and started TTC
March 2010: BFP -- finally!
Oct. 22, 2010: Drew is born, but has to stay in the NICU because of cord complications resulting in oxygen deprivation and brain problems =(
Oct. 27, 2010: I held him in my arms while Daddy, Grandma, Great-Uncle and I sang him to sleep =( Hardest thing I've ever done...
June 14, 2011: Drew's baby brother or sister waved hi to us with a BFP!
June 25, 2011: Natural miscarriage... Can we please catch a break here?
Nov. 2011: 100mg Clomid followed by 2mg Estrogen, Ovidrel trigger, and 200mg progesterone suppositories 2x/day 14 days. BFN.
Dec. 2011: 2nd medicated cycle. BFN.
Jan. 2012: Took a month off to breathe...
Feb. 2012: Same regimen of Clomid and other meds, add IUI. 2 eggs and 8.5 million swimmers. BFN.
March 2012: 75 IU Follistim CD 3-11, follie scan CD 8 showed 6 follies likely to mature. Triggered, IUI on CD 14, 4 million swimmers. BFN.
April 2012: 75 IU Follistim CD 3-10. Scan showed 2 mature follies, 2 almost certain to mature, and two not likely but possible. (All 6 evenly and perfectly spaced out between the left and the right.) Triggered, IUI CD 13 with 5 million swimmers. BFN.
May 2012: 75 IU Follistim starting CD 3. Waiting to O. Timed intercourse. Likely 5 follies to mature.
I was just lurking and saw your post. You look absolutely AMAZING!!!! Good luck ttc again and taking the stress free approach this time. That's how it worked for me. I can't wait to hear your updates!
Celena!!! I missed your beautiful face even though I've seen your awesome transformation on FB. You are one HOT mama I hope the weight loss and carefree attitude about TTC get you your rainbow baby quickly! Plus I'd love to be in a DDC with you -SOON!
Well I'm new to this board... So my name is stefanie.... Nice to meet you! You look amazing!!
__________________
Stefanie, Wife to Paul, Mom to cailyn (11), caleigh (10), cameron (9), christopher (7), Lilly (2) and Emma(1) 3/12/12 5/9/12 7/05/2012 1/24/13 PREGNANT AGAIN!!! BETA #1 774 BETA #2 2700 SO FAR SO GOOD! 5/10/12 Heartbeat of 146!!! YAY!! Make a pregnancy ticker
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Hi Ladies LOOOONG TIME NO SEE! (pg/mc ment) UPDATED 5/31
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not sure if any of you remember but I passed my test and have my tattoo license. So the studio arts degree will help me with my tattooing they go hand in hand in allot of ways. I need brushing up on drawing techniques mostly, but I get to paint, pottery, photography, art history and so on.... I've started painting again, did a Jason mask on a huge 40x30 canvas for DH's birthday and it came out pretty good considering I haven't painted in over 12 years... took me no time at all to do it, perhaps 5-6 hours total work time.
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Forever Missing Our Ten Angels
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