We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
I hope this is the right place to ask. I've been searching the internet for an answer and while others have asked this question and got answers, I still don't know what to think. So ladies I could really use your thoughts here.
It's been roughly a week and a half since the loss of my son. I've accepted it perhaps ... faster than most. That's the scary part. I'm not wallowing or hiding away for weeks or months at a time like I've read some mothers doing. Sure I break down here and there and cry, but I have so much support and love from everyone that it hasn't hurt as much as I imagined it to be. All my pain kind of gradually died down when I left the hospital.
So I guess I'll just go ahead and ask. How soon did some of you TTC again after loss? I feel crazy but ... I'm truly feeling up for trying again soon. Becoming a mother has been my dream and I don't feel like I should give up. I will miss my baby forever and will never forget him, but I really want to get back out there and give it another go. My doctor said that there really is no set waiting period and that some wait a year and others 3 months. It's really when I feel ready. Well... I feel ready!
I've been reading that some mothers wait until after their 6-week post-partum and others go into their 6-week appointment to discover their pregnant...Lol! Will I be considered weird or silly to try again so soon? I was thinking maybe once I've recovered around the 6-7 week mark, will everyone not look at me crazy here if I started trying again? I just want to know if I'm crazy for thinking about this or not and if anyone has got pregnant right after birth.
Last edited by Pleione; August 9th, 2012 at 01:02 PM.
You're not crazy for wanting to try again so soon. After my first loss, we waited the standard 3 months that the OB suggested. After my second loss, I was so frustrated and ANGRY that we were back to square one again, that all I wanted to do was try again. DH and I agreed to wait one cycle, then begin to try again. I would recommend giving yourself at least until your first cycle shows, because then you will be able to date things accurately, and I always found that how my cycles went after m/c helped me know how my body was actually doing in terms of recovery. With my first m/c, I really felt like I needed those three months to physically recover, because I could tell that things were "off" with my cycles (extremely heavy flow, not feeling myself). With my second m/c, I felt back to normal really quickly. Also, remember grief comes in waves... don't be surprised if it hits you hard again at random times. Only you can know when the time is right to try again... consider how you are feeling emotionally AND physically, and have some dialogue with your DH too... you need to be sure that he is emotionally ready to try again too. Good luck!
With you having been so far along with the pregnancy with your son, I think I would hesitate to try THIS soon (1.5 weeks after). I think it's important to let your body rest and recover from the previous pregnancy, I think the 6 week time span is a good place to start. Just my opinion! Good luck!
After my first loss I tried again the next month and wound up pregnant with a healthy baby. After my 2nd loss I didn't try again for about 2 cycles. After my 3rd loss I tried again immediately. I don't have any medical issues other than the losses, so I decided that I'd just let nature take her course. Everyone is different though. You know what's right for you. Good luck -
Everydayjoy, I don't have a desire to try now as my body is still physically healing. I was looking towards Sept or Oct when my post-partum was over as I mentioned in the post. (: But some might think a month or two is too early which was my concern. Starting again just feels like something I should do.
But you're right, it does hit in waves. I suppose only I will know when I'm mentally and physically ready
It also doesn't help my husband is eager to try right away. Or maybe it does lol. Either way, my body just isn't interested in the actual act right now. Hah.
Last edited by Pleione; August 9th, 2012 at 01:02 PM.
It's normal to want to try again soon. Some people take longer to heal emotionally than others and for some trying again is part of their healing process. As long as your physically & emotionally ready then I say go for it Each and every individual grieve differently and what's good for some isn't for others. I'm glad your doing well and things seem to be going smoothly for you.
My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11
I think if you feel ready then go for it! I think its a great idea you are waiting the 6 or 7 weeks to at least let your body get ready for the next time. No one should judge you if you feel ready to try again right now - everyone has their own way of doing things and some people would rather wait and some people don't want to wait. I hope with your positive attitude you get pregnant again quickly and it ends with a healthy, happy baby in your arms!
I imagine I will hit many lows as I get through these next few weeks, but the truth is that I have no idea how to grieve. I have grieved. Cried, asked why, blamed myself, sunk into a hole, then came back out again. I imagine there will be many more pot holes through this journey but ... I've accepted it. It's weird.
The moment I came home I was able to jump online and talk about it. I'm either just a really weird person or more understanding that things happen out of our control and to simply accept, grieve, and move on. Or something!
I've never experienced what you have, however I grieve similarly. After my loss, I felt the need to get ready to try again. Sometimes I get really down for a bit, I count my blessings and get right back up. I'm a pretty positive person and I try my darndest to stay positive! You are amazing!
There is no "right" way to grieve. As long as you don't feel you are stuffing emotions away, then don't question whether your grieving is right or wrong. TBH, I think your religious faith probably has an awful lot to do with it... you don't believe life ends here on this earth I'm glad you're doing so well, considering how tragic your loss was, having been so far along! It makes my heart happy to hear!