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Does anyone hope for a specific gender once you get pregnant with your rainbow baby?
First and foremost I always just wanted a healthy baby, but there has always been a part of me that has wanted a son. I have always been perfectly fine with having two girls and had always said Id like a boy but either boy or girl would be fine. But ever since I lost my baby boy at 16 weeks I want to have another boy so bad it scares me. I feel guilty thinking if I found out I was having another girl that I would be upset - which isn't fair to that baby, she couldn't help it she was a girl. And of course life would go on and I would love that girl just like my other two but I find myself hoping and praying that when I do get pregnant that its with a little boy
Since I've had 2 miscarriages all I want is a healthy 9 months with a healthy little baby at the end. for my fiance's grandparents I would like to have a boy first, they are quite old (and not doing so great) and Dave is the only one to carry on his last name.
I really want a girl. I believe the one I lost was a girl (although too little to tell) and I already have a son. I wanted a girl before I had the m/c, and now it's just intensified. Like you I'm worried I'd be disappointed if I found out it was a boy. Two boys would be ok, but you know...I just want a little girl...ruffles and bows, lace and tights...
With it being his first I would love to give him a girl. X
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Clare(32) Expecting our miracle Son Charlie.
Dear my Angel in heaven. I am carrying your brother, I beg you please look over them and keep them safe, i'll take over in July. Click for my blog.
We are wanting healthy but husband wants a girl. He kept referring to the last baby as a girl. He has a 6 year old son. I would love a boy as I already have a daughter. Either way we will be over the top just to hold a healthy baby.
It's funny, because with my second I did care. I felt like I shouldn't, which naturally made me feel guilty....but you can't help how you feel. I wanted a girl. I really thought he was a girl. And in all truth, I was upset for a day when we found out he was a boy. It only took a little while to let the excitement take over. But I really felt a loss at not having he girl I envisioned.
BUT, now that he is here and awesome (as I think we all think our kids are awesome), I can't imagine him being a girl. And I no longer desire one as strongly.
Don't get me wrong, I would love a daughter. But I will truly not care what our next child is. We actually are thinking of being "team green" just because it sounds fun and I can't imagine any better moment than finding out what I have right after birth
I do think it is normal to have some gender desires and even gender disappointment if the baby is the opposite of what we had hoped or imagined. And I think having losses, especially ones where you know the gender, makes it even harder. Since there is always the "what could have been."
Either is fine but my son really wants a brother, so thats what im hoping for...but we are cool with whatever.
My 11w loss turned out to be a boy
Aww Julie.
I wish I could have found out for sure. We didn't do testing though because I didn't know I'd want to know later. Plus it was my first m/c so I wasn't thinking I would need to test, since they said at the ER it was probably just a fluke sort of thing since I had a healthy pregnancy prior.
I never had a chance to have the others test cuz they were so early. This one, I actually passed at home, but there were still pieces of tissue they were able to recover and have tested. It all happened so fast I had no time to think, but am thankful that I just blurted out for them to have the tissue tested. It came back normal, and they said it was a boy. It was kinda interesting to know, because we thought it was a boy. My son (he is 3) insisted I was having a boy and named it Henry.
Hopefully no one here ever has a m/c again..but if you do....save whatever tissue you can or ask them to test it if they are doing a d &c. It helped me get them to take my losses more seriously...because until that one, they kept telling me the previous miscarriages were just flukes (b/c I also had two successful pregnancies before the losses) and it was probably a chromosome problem. The testing proved this one was normal, so the fluke theory went out the window....and led to them discovering I have some blood clotting disorders.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashj_1218
It's funny, because with my second I did care. I felt like I shouldn't, which naturally made me feel guilty....but you can't help how you feel. I wanted a girl. I really thought he was a girl. And in all truth, I was upset for a day when we found out he was a boy. It only took a little while to let the excitement take over. But I really felt a loss at not having he girl I envisioned.
BUT, now that he is here and awesome (as I think we all think our kids are awesome), I can't imagine him being a girl. And I no longer desire one as strongly.
Don't get me wrong, I would love a daughter. But I will truly not care what our next child is. We actually are thinking of being "team green" just because it sounds fun and I can't imagine any better moment than finding out what I have right after birth
I do think it is normal to have some gender desires and even gender disappointment if the baby is the opposite of what we had hoped or imagined. And I think having losses, especially ones where you know the gender, makes it even harder. Since there is always the "what could have been."
With my first I wanted a boy...because I'm not a girly girl and girls scared me. LOL. With my second, I wanted another boy because I understood how to take care of a baby boy and I wanted him to have a brother. I was afraid of having a girl because of the girly girl stuff and because we only had a 2-bedroom house and a girl would mean we'd have to think about a new house (and no way could we pull that off). Well, I got a girl. And I couldn't be happier... the housing thing worked out, and we ended up swapping houses with dh's sister. I love having one of each. It's funny that now, I don't really care as much as I did before because I have one of each. I'd just like another boy first before we have another girl cuz I'd like a brother for my son to be closer in age.
Julie, that's a very good idea to have it tested to know whether it was a chromosomal problem or not. I never would have thought of that. I know for sure I would have any future m/c's tested (heaven forbid I have any more) because at the very least I know I will want to know the gender.
Even though I didn't ask for it, they did test the D&C tissue, but there was no baby in it. I just recently asked for the records. (Hopefully this isn't TMI) While I was in the ER and before the emergency D&C, the ER tech tried to go in and remove some tissue, since I was dilated already, and some placenta was blocking the rest from coming out...hence the hemorrhaging. He asked if I wanted that tested, and I didn't ask for it, so I wonder if the baby was in that? Or maybe I passed it at home despite trying to "catch" whatever clots came out...anyway, I'll never know. I do feel bad I couldn't say goodbye...but it is what it is.
Don't get me wrong, I would love a daughter. But I will truly not care what our next child is. We actually are thinking of being "team green" just because it sounds fun and I can't imagine any better moment than finding out what I have right after birth
I do think it is normal to have some gender desires and even gender disappointment if the baby is the opposite of what we had hoped or imagined. And I think having losses, especially ones where you know the gender, makes it even harder. Since there is always the "what could have been."
Team green is so much fun! I think it helps (at least with me) to not know until the baby comes out because you are obviously instantly in love because you get to hold the baby in your arms and you don't have time to sit around much and think about the "What ifs". To me, finding out the sex at 20 weeks and being disappointed in the gender would be hard because you have to wait to actually hold your baby. It was such an amazing moment to have my husband tell me "its a girl!"
I see it in a different light, for one I know myself and I know I would never be able to wait to find out! And for two, finding out partway through would give me time to absorb the information if the gender was different, and get used to the idea of whatever the gender turned out to be. Get excited and all that before he/she was born.
I see it in a different light, for one I know myself and I know I would never be able to wait to find out! And for two, finding out partway through would give me time to absorb the information if the gender was different, and get used to the idea of whatever the gender turned out to be. Get excited and all that before he/she was born.
I have a friend who views it the same way you do. Thank goodness we all can decide which way to do it that best suits ourselves! I always did say that if I was ever pregnant with twins (or more) I think I would want to find out the sex. Not sure why but maybe to get some cute outfits or something lol
I want a heathy baby no matter boy or girl. Theloss I had last january was a little boy and it took me over a year to tell my husband that it was a boy cause he wants a boy so badly. It broke my heart to tell him but I felt he had the rite to know. Me personaly would like another girl but do want a boy to. I have a 17 year old boy and a granson but my son doesnt belong to my husband,although my husband loves him like he is his son he still has the need and desire to have his son that can carry on his name. At this point we are just trying to get a stay pregnant.
[QUOTE=JulieMc;26388321]I never had a chance to have the others test cuz they were so early. This one, I actually passed at home, but there were still pieces of tissue they were able to recover and have tested. It all happened so fast I had no time to think, but am thankful that I just blurted out for them to have the tissue tested. It came back normal, and they said it was a boy. It was kinda interesting to know, because we thought it was a boy. My son (he is 3) insisted I was having a boy and named it Henry.
Hopefully no one here ever has a m/c again..but if you do....save whatever tissue you can or ask them to test it if they are doing a d &c. It helped me get them to take my losses more seriously...because until that one, they kept telling me the previous miscarriages were just flukes (b/c I also had two successful pregnancies before the losses) and it was probably a chromosome problem. The testing proved this one was normal, so the fluke theory went out the window....and led to them discovering I have some blood clotting disorders.
Do you know how far along you have to be to have the tissue tested to find out if it is a boy or a girl? I pray it never happens again but I want to be informed, like I was 10 weeks and 4 days I believe and I asked if it was a boy or a girl, but they said no way to tell.. I don't know if they were just saying that or if they could've actually tested the tissue. I truly believe my lil one was a boy too.
I don't know about that...couldn't you tell just from the DNA whether it was a boy or a girl? You know, two x chromosomes or an x and a y? If that's the case you should be able to tell no matter how small it was. Did they already test the tissue for chromosomal abnormalities? You could always do like I did and go to the hospital and ask for a copy of the pathology report. I wasn't able to find out because I didn't ask for testing, and also because there wasn't any baby in the sample provided to pathology...just placenta.
Im not sure but I was 14 weeks and a couple days along when I lost my baby and they adked me if I wanted to.know what the sex of the baby was. Im not sure how far along you have to be for them.to know. I remember after my first daughter was born I had a loss and I was around 18 to 20 weeks when they did that dnc and they never asked me if I wanted to know the sex of the baby they just asked about a memorial for the babies ashes. I think you have to ask the doctor to test for you.
Obviously, like everyone else, I want a healthy baby. But I'd love for Mallory to have a sister, since I have a sister. But I know DH would love a little boy. I'll be happy with either!
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And for two, finding out partway through would give me time to absorb the information if the gender was different, and get used to the idea of whatever the gender turned out to be. Get excited and all that before he/she was born.
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