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So I know it is all still a little fresh and that is part of what makes it hard - but I have been able to talk to my close friends and family about the loss which has been so helpful for my healing process (We found out on 1/10/13 we lost the baby at 12 weeks)
My friend keeps saying "I know exactly what you are going through - when I was pregnant with Eric this and when I was pregnant with Eric that and it was so scary so I know exactly how you feel - except she has Eric. He was born healthy and perfect. I let it go the first couple of times and just ended the conversation as politely as I could. But every time she chats me online or we are talking she mentions it and I just want to scream IT IS NOT THE SAME! So now I just want to avoid her all the time. Just thinking about her makes me angry. I know it isn't fair and I am majorly overreacting but I think I just need more time.
Sorry for the I just needed to vent that out. I already feel better.
Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!
Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!
Last edited by momology; March 11th, 2013 at 03:00 PM.
Sometimes people who don't get it, who haven't been there, want to empathize and don't realize that they actually make it worse. I would get pissed off too if someone who didn't have a m/c kept telling me that they understood what I was going through! After the second or third time, I probably would have just blurted out "You definitely DON'T know how I feel, since your baby was actually born and here, so stop acting like you do!" Of course, she'd probably hate me then, too
Back when we were TTC #2, my SIL was having some medical issues that caused her to be nauseous, tired, and have abdominal pain. When I asked her if she was pregnant and she said she wasn't, she then responded "But wouldn't it be so funny if I WAS pregnant and we weren't even trying, where you aren't pregnant and have been trying for so long?!?" I basically glared at her and responded "No, that wouldn't be funny at all" and I walked away. Grrr.
Um yeah. In this case it would totally be appropriate to go off the handle. It is NOT the same. And you shouldn't feel bad telling her that. It's hard for people to realize that pregnancy after loss and pregnancy never having a loss are 2 completely different things. I'm so sorry you have been hurt by that.
Oh sweetie, it's NOT the same. ((hugs)) I'm so sorry your SIL obviously just doesn't get it or she would understand the pain and not feel the need to bring it up all the time. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this
I'd be really angry too. I would either #1 flip out or #2 tell my husband to handle his sister. Hopefully staying off chat will solve the issue. If not, definately say something, it'd be ridiculous if she held a grudge but it's better than making you feel like crap when you lost your baby. Some people just have no clue.
I am so sorry you are dealing with that...it is NOT the same AT ALL! My SIL was kind of like that when I lost my first. She said, oh, I know how you feel, my midwife thinks that I may have had a loss or two and just didn't know it (aka a chemical), not that the fact that she may have had a loss is not the same, but she never knew she was pregnant and it is speculation. That isn't the same either! I just ignored her comment, thankfully she only said that once or I would have said something!
I would definitely say something if she does it again.
Hugs! And I am ss for your loss and hope you get a sticky BFP soon!!