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Intro and a question (LONG- sorry)


Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  • 3 Post By Lucy S.
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  #1  
February 9th, 2013, 12:25 AM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,046
So i actually was going to post an intro yesterday and didn't have a question but I wasn't in the mood to deal with trolls (sorry to be so blunt).
So sorry for coming in asking questions already

I already know some of you from the TTC forum and the TTCMA forum but thought I should post an intro anyhow esp since I don't mention my losses in specifics most of the time.

I have had 4 confirmed m/c and one suspected one over the last 14 years.
My first was by far the hardest (I assume it is for most) and most complicated so I will try to be brief but even I don't "get it" now. I swear I am not a troll! LOL! I had been TTCNA #1 for a year+ when we took a break. I had what i thought was a period but kept spotting on an off. Finally went in to see the Dr and he ran a pgy test (I was sure it would be neg) and it came out positive. Looking back I was so naive. I was only 22yo and had never had a loss or even knew anyone who did so i assumed this was awesome. Got very excited since had been trying for a while and thought it was my "miracle". Again, I feel silly looking back knowing what I know now.
Fast-forward weeks, no heartbeat was seen and weird hcg levels start happening (and they weren't normal for my gestation but I didn't know this at that time. Thought since they were rising it was fine). High enough to be able to see something but not doubling and not where it needed to be. The entire time the Dr kept telling us, "There is still a chance! Lets just wait! One more u/s or one more lab!" He knew our IF issues and I think he was hoping it would work out. Weeks went on. It was ridiculous. I finally went behind his back and went to the ER and told them I was cramping. They ran tests and did an u/s. Supposedly something might has been seen in my right tube. My levels finally started dropping.
So they suspected ectopic- ok so if it was a suspected ectopic WHY would they release me and send me to my Dr the next day? And how would my tube not have burst if i was approx 10-11 weeks along I didn't know to ask anything and honestly my head was spinning.
So my Dr set up methotrexate injections. I had to drive up to the hospital to get them and during it I could hear someone on a HR monitor and their baby's HB It was horrible.
That week I bled a lot and passed quite a few large clots. I was told we had to wait 3 months to TTC again because of the methotrexate. After the longest three months of my life, I went back to my RE who then asked why the tissue wasn't saved because apparently they could have tested it to see if it was an ectopic.
So I have had to walk around looking stupid and telling Dr.s and what not about a "possible ectopic" and hope they don't ask. Or when it comes up here, I never know what to say because I am not sure WTH it was.
To complicate matters I am allergic to iodine so i can't have an HSG. But I really don't think there is anyway it was an ectopic. It just doesn't add up.
I read recently there is another test they can do without iodine and have always been told I could do a LAP but my REs never felt it was necessary. So I guess they never felt it was ectopic either.

So after that I got pg with #1 quickly.

Then onto TTCMA with #2 and more issues with things not working. Injections and IUIs and I end up pg. But it didn't last and my levels crashed.
The cycle after that m/c I got pg with #2.

This time around we (new DH) have been TTCMA since late summer 2011. I had one confirmed quick chemical and one suspected chemical end of the year. And now I am having m/s #4 or 5.
I think since my first hurt so badly and I mourned so hard (I even names him- Luna) the others really have left me numb and seem so much easier. Sounds horrible I know. And I used to feel guilty about that like they didn't matter as much as Luna :/
But this one hit me a little harder. I actually got my hopes up. Went to a baby store for the first time since TTCing I thought about the future and thought maybe it had a chance. nope.

I am however grateful. I am fully aware that it could be so much worse and in some ways I have been lucky. I try not to lose sight of that (which is hard when no one in our family has had a m/c much less multiple.)


Anyway, sorry for my novel...
Question:
my Dr called today and told me my HCG has continued to drop and is down to 39. She also said I have to wait a cycle because my chance of m/c is very high if I get PG right away.
So it has been awhile since I researched, but i thought it was fine if it was an uncomplicated early loss? I am 5 1/2 weeks but my HCG only reached 112 and is now dropping quickly. Seems to me this is a cut and dry chemical and I shouldn't have to wait.
When she told me I cried. i don't want to wait. I am sick of waiting and losing it. I can't sit around and dwell for weeks.


I look forward to getting to know you ladies! i can be an awesome cheerleader!
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10 IUIs= one confirmed /IVF= BFN / FET= / FET2= Baby!
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Last edited by Lucy S.; February 9th, 2013 at 05:25 AM.
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  #2  
February 9th, 2013, 05:22 AM
Daisee37's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Posts: 1,974
Lucy,

Welcome to the group. I've actually been stalking the other TTC boards, but only once in a while posting (I know, I should post more, but I feel like everyone else has already said what I'd say). I'm sorry to hear about your losses, and I was really sad to hear about this current loss. It's not really fair, is it?

Anyway, I've had 2 m/cs, and 2 D&Cs. The first time was a blighted ovum at 7 weeks. The other, the baby stopped developing at 8 weeks, so we had a d&c at 9 weeks. Both times I was told we could try again right after I had a normal AF (so, like 5-6 weeks after the d&c). Both my RE and my OB told me there was no benefit from waiting an extra month or two when it's an early loss... and that only when the placenta leaves a larger imprint on your uterus do you have to wait longer (although probably if you take methotrexate, you'd probably have to wait longer, too). I haven't heard that the chance of m/c is higher if you try again right away after an early loss--and I really hope that's NOT true because I just got a bfp a week or so ago, which was my first cycle after my last loss, so I really don't want to think my chance of m/c is higher because we didn't wait longer (I haven't posted anything about my bfp yet because (1) after 2 consecutive losses, I'm honestly not too excited yet and it just seems SO far away from actually having a baby, and (2) it feels like I'd be jinxing myself!).

I think doctors vary a lot with their advice. Some say you can try again right away, some say wait a month, some say wait 3 months. I don't know who is right, but I really don't see why you'd have to wait after such an early loss.

Eva
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  #3  
February 9th, 2013, 08:17 AM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,977
As I understand, the reason to wait for a natural cycle to pass after a loss is to let your uterine lining return to "normal." If there is still leftover tissue, or hormonal disruptions, that could cause mc. Letting one cycle pass clears out any broken lining and lets your hormones regulate.

I've had 2 losses and I understand the urgency to try again quickly, but if waiting for just one month gives my next baby a better chance of sticking, I'd do whatever it takes. It's just one cycle.
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  #4  
February 9th, 2013, 10:01 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 370
Oh, Lucy, I am so sorry for your loss I remember you well from the TTC board - I have been hanging over here, it just feels right here. I hope you find the same to be true

After my first loss (7 weeks), the doc told us to wait 1-3 cycles to allow everything physically and emotionally to return to normal. we waited one cycle and got pregnant again, and then lost that one at 8 weeks. That appointment was with a different doctor who suggested the repeated loss work-up, but also said it was up to us if we tried again right away or wait to go through with the testing. In my head, it seemed to make sense to wait until things regulated for a cycle, but now I torn between waiting for testing and just jumping back into TTC because i don't want to wait anymore. Do you have regular cycles? I have not heard that trying again right away has increased risk of m/c especially with early loss. Have they done an ultrasound? If everything passes naturally, I don't suspect that there would be scar tissue to get in the way of a subsequent pregnancy.

I know what you mean about feeling numb, and the first was definitely harder on me. When it happened again I was mostly angry and bitter and frustrated. I didn't really let myself get attached after the first loss, my mind put up a wall even though my heart was holding on to hope. Losing a pregnancy is a pain like no other, it changes everything, and i wish none of us ever had to go through it. I hate that we are so often left with more questions than answers and it's so hard to navigate your way through that. My suggestion is to try when you are ready. If your doctor wants you to wait, i would consider that, but honestly, it's up to you and your hubs.

I'm so sorry again, and I hope you get your little rainbow baby very soon. Hugs!!
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  #5  
February 9th, 2013, 12:38 PM
anothermother's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southwest, Missouri
Posts: 6,061
I'm so sorry for your loss Lucy It breaks my heart.

As far as your question.... It was an early loss and no D&C, right? No special drugs? I've heard of so many women that have gotten pregnant right away their loss and had completely normal, healthy pregnancies. In fact, it's sometimes the best time to try. What are triggers for then? They give you that boost of hcg to help the pregnancy more than prevent it IMO.

I've done a lot of research myself on this "waiting" matter. It was recommended that we wait at least 2 cycles, we waited one. But technically it was the 2nd ovulation I had since the loss... so things regulated themselves quite quickly. I think it was just a standard wait time they give all the patients that have a loss. They also may be giving you a wait time for emotional reasons too. I've seen so many doctors give so many different reasons for waiting/not waiting... really it all just comes down to you. Would you be able to handle another loss so quickly if it happened? To go through the stress of worrying throughout the pregnancy?

I really, really hope you get a sticky bean soon!
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  #6  
February 9th, 2013, 04:16 PM
Adventuremom's Avatar Leah
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,156
I am so sorry you are going through this, Lucy. I had an early loss and we didn't wait, even though there are varying recommendations. If there wasn't a D&C or chemicals used, it should be safe to try again right away. Just be aware that if you try before having a "true" cycle, you will:

1) Not have a "LMP" to determine a due date from (this can be done from an ultrasound or if you are charting to know the conception date/ovulation date).

2) Not have time to do a workup to find the cause of so many repeated early miscarriages (if this hasn't been done already).

We did wait for a full cycle after my ectopic (I was recovering from surgery and wanted everything to "normalize." Have they done any clotting workups or immune workups with your losses?

Major hugs and I hope you get a rainbow baby soon!
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  #7  
February 10th, 2013, 02:40 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi Lucy,
I don't really have anything to add to what others have already said, but I wanted to welcome you to the group!
Sorry for your losses.
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  #8  
February 10th, 2013, 10:56 PM
Beautiful Life!
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,630
Hi Lucy. I am so absolutely sorry for your losses. It seems like I remember your positive test in the TTC forum. I'm glad you decided to come here. Hopefully, you can be a cheerleader for some of us, and we can be a cheerleader for you! As the other ladies have said, I didn't feel any reason to wait after our loss in December. It was a blighted ovum at 9 1/2 weeks. From what I had read on TTC after a loss is mainly emotionally ready. From what I also read, if a procedure was needed such as medication or D&C, everything I read said to wait at least a month for the uterine lining to return to normal. My loss occurred naturally and I felt we were ready emotionally to try again right away so we did. We didn't conceive the first cycle, which while I was kinda sad, it felt nice to know my body was back to normal and we were ready to start TTC again with a fresh start. I pray for peace and healing as you go through this. And that you will have an angel baby quickly when you feel you're ready!
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  #9  
February 11th, 2013, 08:14 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 6,296
I just wanted to drop in and say hi and that I am so sorry for your losses. My doctor had originally told us we could start TTC again right away but once we got some chromosome results back we were told to wait - but I think that was a pretty unusual circumstance. It can be so hard to have to wait and wait and wait. . .

Best of luck to you!
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  #10  
February 11th, 2013, 09:12 AM
MoonAngel702's Avatar ~Staying Positive~
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Location: Nevada
Posts: 2,578
Hi Lucy, I'm Lindsey. Welcome to the board!

It breaks my heart hearing about your losses and I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have noticed that many doctors recommend different wait times. I know many doctors don't make people wait at all after an early loss and some say to wait 1 or 2 cycles even. I have read that sometimes your risk of another m/c is higher right after a m/c and I've also read it is not.... so I don't think anybody really knows!

Best of luck to you and when you decide to try again, I hope you conceive your rainbow baby in no time!
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  #11  
February 11th, 2013, 09:21 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
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Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,046
Thank you ladies for the welcome!
i am feeling a lot better thankfully.

I emailed my doctor asking for clarification about her stance on waiting and wanted more info. I told that i think the only reason the pg lasted so long was because the progesterone and that i wanted to try right away. And she agreed
So I guess I am onto cycle 19!
Thank you again!
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  #12  
February 11th, 2013, 10:53 PM
Beautiful Life!
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,630
Yay! Good for you to ask questions! And glad your Dr. got right back to you and agreed!
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  #13  
February 12th, 2013, 08:36 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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I am so glad that your doc got back to you right away! GL, I hope you get your sticky bean soon!

I have had 2 losses, the first was at 8 weeks (blighted ovum), I had a D&E. I waited until I had 1 AF, got pregnant right away with a healthy pregnancy. My 2nd loss, I was pregnant with a seemingly healthy baby, but at almost 12 weeks, we discovered the baby had stopped growing at almost 9 weeks, I had another D&E, I waited until 1 AF, got pregnant again right away with a healthy pregnancy. While it isn't the norm and I count myself very lucky, it is very possible to go onto having a healthy baby without the wait. My doc advised that we wait 2 cycles for dating purposes, but the u/s can do that, so I see no reason why you shouldn't start if you are emotionally ready I am so glad your doc agreed with you!

Again, GL, sending lucky BFP dust your way
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  #14  
February 12th, 2013, 09:51 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
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Thank you!!
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  #15  
February 13th, 2013, 02:03 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
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((((HUGS)))) Lucy I hate welcoming you here, but this is such a good group and will be really helpful to you as you start TTC again. I am in full on Lucy stalk mode this next cycle, i'm really glad you pressed your Dr about trying again immediately -- i'm going to back up a dump truck of BFP dust on you in a few weeks!
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