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Melt down at a party. . . (loss mentioned/vent)


Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  • 1 Post By Daisee37
  • 2 Post By cheeky_monkey

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  #1  
February 11th, 2013, 10:04 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Houston, Texas
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I thought I was really doing well I haven't really been crying at all and I stopped thinking about the loss 24/7. . . until this weekend.

We had a good friends 30th birthday party and one of our friends was there who shared a due date with me. That was hard but I knew it was coming. Then pregnant woman after pregnant woman showed up - there were 4 in total and only 10 people at this party. There were constant CONGRATULATIONS and when are you dues?? I was still doing alright a little shaken but okay then the hostess pulled out some sparkling waters and I wanted one so bad I was so thirsty - right when I was about to ask for one she said I got these just for all the pregnant ladies!!!!

I lost it. I know how dumb it is especially now that I type it out - but I had to grab the car keys from DH and headed out to the car for about 20 minutes to collect myself. The party ended up dividing into ladies inside guys outside and I had to stay out with the men. Inside was all baby showers and pregnancy questions and due dates - I just couldn't take it. I felt like I had no place in the party at all.

Whew - sorry just had to vent all that out.
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  #2  
February 11th, 2013, 11:10 AM
Daisee37's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That's tough, and doesn't sound dumb at all. I'm impressed you kept yourself collected for that long! I try to avoid pregnant people at all costs... DH wants to get together with some friends for dinner, but the wife is 16 or so weeks pregnant, and I pretty much told him NO, I refuse to spend my free time on weekends trying to keep it together around pregnant women (my coworker in a 5-person office is pregnant, so it pretty much takes all I've got to keep it together around her during the week). Losses are hard enough, and if being around certain people makes it harder, then I think it's fine to avoid it if you can. The fact that you even went to that party at all, knowing there'd be pregnant women there, I think makes you really strong.
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  #3  
February 11th, 2013, 11:56 AM
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Nope, not dumb at all!! I give you credit for going too! It's like the loss never leaves you, it is always under the surface somewhere and in a situation like that, it just springs up and gets to you. Sometimes you just need a good meltdown to let it out.
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  #4  
February 11th, 2013, 12:05 PM
cheeky_monkey's Avatar Praying 4 a miracle
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Knowing that there were going to be pregnant wanted I reallly admire you for going in the first place. It takes a lot of guts knowing that your going in a place which for now just makes you feel pain.

When I lost our first baby I didn't even want to go out, not even when DH tried hinting that maybe it would do me good to leave the house at least for a few hours. I prefered to rot inside than going next to pregnant woman.

Maybe you are much stronger than you think you are. Having a meltdown sometimes can only be positive as it help to clear up some of the pain that would be unwilling to leave on its own
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  #5  
February 11th, 2013, 01:45 PM
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I'm so sorry you went through this! Bravo on going and staying! I would have lost it and left without coming back!
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  #6  
February 11th, 2013, 01:47 PM
Redneck_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with everyone. Just going at all is more than most would do. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It's such a difficult thing. I hope time will help your pain heal, and you can get back to some normalcy.
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  #7  
February 11th, 2013, 02:06 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks so much ladies!!! I feel so much better already just hearing yalls kind words. I always feel significantly less crazy after posting on here. . .
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  #8  
February 11th, 2013, 02:12 PM
Cait&AngelAbove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Elle I am so sorry! You are stronger than I am by going back into that party! There is not way that I could have. One of my SILs and I were due about two weeks apart with my first loss. Watching her and having to be around her was awful. At her son's first birthday party I literally thought I was going to break into a million pieces.
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  #9  
February 11th, 2013, 05:03 PM
MoonAngel702's Avatar ~Staying Positive~
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I'm so sorry you had to go through that I would have been the same way. It definitely sounds like a total nightmare for somebody who has recently suffered a loss. I can't believe 4 out of the 10 were pregnant! That's crazy! I probably would have not gone to the party... You are so strong for even going and trying!
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  #10  
February 11th, 2013, 07:43 PM
KayM's Avatar Veteran
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You were a lot stronger than me. I haven't seen my sister in over a week and a half after she decided to tell me she's pregnant two weeks after my miscarriage. That stung really bad.

I hope things get easier for you!
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  #11  
February 11th, 2013, 07:55 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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((hugs)) Sometimes we have to take ourselves out of stressful situations because it is better for us.
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  #12  
February 12th, 2013, 02:24 AM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
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4 out of 10? I don't think I could have stayed!!
i am so sorry you went through that
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  #13  
February 12th, 2013, 07:48 AM
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I think I am really upset for you that that girl said "just for the pregnant ladies" - did she know you had a loss? Anyways, that is rude either way!

It is hard to be around pregnant people when you have suffered a loss. After my first loss, my SIL and sister were both pregnant, we were all due within a couple of weeks of each other, it was so hard sometimes to be around them.

After my 2nd loss, my sister was pregnant again too, it is really tough sometimes and it is okay to lose it. My sister was very good about it, she has also had a loss, so she was careful around me.
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  #14  
February 12th, 2013, 08:11 AM
lil_fishy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You are strong! I would have jumped all over the person that said the was was just for pregnant ladies. Losses are hard enough without someone saying something like that. I commend you for staying at the party. You are soo strong!
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  #15  
February 12th, 2013, 08:29 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by humnck View Post
I think I am really upset for you that that girl said "just for the pregnant ladies" - did she know you had a loss? Anyways, that is rude either way!

It is hard to be around pregnant people when you have suffered a loss. After my first loss, my SIL and sister were both pregnant, we were all due within a couple of weeks of each other, it was so hard sometimes to be around them.

After my 2nd loss, my sister was pregnant again too, it is really tough sometimes and it is okay to lose it. My sister was very good about it, she has also had a loss, so she was careful around me.
She is actually one of the very few people who does know - I am sure it slipped her mind but it really was the worst part of the evening. . .

DH did offer we leave several times - but we haven't really been out much since and I really felt like he could use some time with our friends.

Thanks so much for all the support
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  #16  
February 12th, 2013, 08:32 AM
cheeky_monkey's Avatar Praying 4 a miracle
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geez did it cost this person so much money that she couldn't buy some extra bottles in case some of the men (who obviously wouldn't be pregnant) want some sparkling water?
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Finally it seems that we are starting the IVF process - will see how it goes...... Forever missing our two little previous miracles.
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