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Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  • 2 Post By babyfever416
  • 2 Post By mommamindy
  • 1 Post By k.kelly06

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  #1  
February 17th, 2013, 02:41 PM
Regular
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Navarre Florida
Posts: 97
First time I have been sad since my D&C Thursday! I realized I was sad when I saw other friends pregancy announcements which is horrible! I should be happy for them!

Then I go through the thoughts of what could I have done to prevent this?!

When does it get easier and when is it safe to start trying again?

Thanks everyone!

I guess I need to edit my signature
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  #2  
February 17th, 2013, 03:14 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Chicago
Posts: 104
I totally understand your sadness. It is a normal part of the grief process. I lost a baby at 23 weeks gestation. That was back in Jun 2012 but I thought that I was "strong" so I cried a few times very early on and then "moved on" with my life. I don't think I really grieved for my loss. But NOW, since we are ttc again and it is not happening yet, my emotions are just crazy! I had a mini meltdown last week and could not stop crying. Nearly all of my close friends have either just had a baby (due around the time that I was supposed to be due) or recently found out they were pregnant. Of course I am happy for them, but deep down (actually not so deep) I am beyond sad and angry. I said all of that to say this, I wish I would have taken more time earlier on to grieve instead of keeping it bottled in because now I feel as though I can't control my emotions. I am so thankful to have a very supportive and loving husband. So you cry as much as you need to cry. I wish I had an answer as to when it gets easier. I know for myself, it would probably be when I am once again pregnant and have a healthy full-term living baby. I'm not sure how soon after a m/c to start again but I was told to wait at least 3 months after my baby's birth. I'm sure you shouldn't have to wait as long. I pray that you get the peace that you need as well as a healthy and happy pregnancy and baby!! Keep your head up girlfriend, your baby is coming!!!
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  #3  
February 17th, 2013, 04:10 PM
Beautiful Life!
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,975
I'm so sorry. I still feel sad. And I feel worse when I'm not happy about friends pregnancies. I know at some point it will be easier, but right now I'm just letting myself feel what I need to feel. Some days are easier than others. I didn't have a D&C, but from what I read, you should give it at least one cycle before TTC again so your uterus can rebuild it's lining. Wish there were something more I could say to make you feel better, but I think it's important for us to all experience the emotions to heal, like Babyfever416 said.
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  #4  
February 17th, 2013, 05:36 PM
Regular
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Navarre Florida
Posts: 97
Wow thanks ladies. I felt sad reading about your losses too. Your right babyfever, I do need to allow myself to grieve. I always put this act on like I'm so strong and tough and I didn't really feel sad until now, well so I thought.

I am sorry for all our losses! and thanks for your sweet words! I guess it doesn't help that I started really hurting today! 3 days after! I felt great until today! Then I started having lots of pain! Oh well! Time heals all wounds I guess!

Wow thanks ladies. I felt sad reading about your losses too. Your right babyfever, I do need to allow myself to grieve. I always put this act on like I'm so strong and tough and I didn't really feel sad until now, well so I thought.

I am sorry for all our losses! and thanks for your sweet words! I guess it doesn't help that I started really hurting today! 3 days after! I felt great until today! Then I started having lots of pain! Oh well! Time heals all wounds I guess!
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  #5  
February 17th, 2013, 10:44 PM
kaylacaroline's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 327
I am so sorry for your loss.

I figured I would give you a bit of input, just another story/side I guess.

I have also lost pregnancies, one at 11 weeks and one at 5(chemical).

It took some time for things to feel better. Honestly, my first loss at 11 weeks sent me into a bit of a depression. Once I started researching and telling myself it wasn't my fault, I felt better. I was the same as you, I would get sad everytime a friend announced a pregnancy. But that gets easier with time.

I started trying immediately after, which I don't think was the best thing at the time. Because every negative I got, the worse I felt.

After two years I got pregnant again, this time a chemical pregnancy. I was heartbroken, but it wasn't as horrid at my first and I was able to cope and get over it easier that I had expected. I decided that was it, and I gave up trying. But, mother nature thought different. I got pregnant the next cycle.

So there is hope, tons and tons of hope. Sometimes a m/c can kickstart things or slow them down, either way, it's never the end of the world even though it feels that way. I still can't celebrate Valentine's day, because for me it was one of the worst days of my life, m/c that baby. I can say without a doubt, time is your great healer.

I wish you all the best in this hard time and send you tons of baby dust for your future.
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  #6  
February 18th, 2013, 02:54 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,364

I'm so sorry! Everyone goes throught things in their own way. Just don't be afraid to be sad. We all go through our ups and downs. There are times when it just hits like a ton of bricks.
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  #7  
February 19th, 2013, 03:52 AM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,042

You can be happy for them but still sad for your loss. Totally normal!
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  #8  
February 19th, 2013, 08:54 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,298
I think we have all felt that way at one point - it is so hard to be happy for people when you are feeling so sad. I think you should take all the time you need the grieving process is different for everyone. You seem like you have been very strong through everything but always remember it is okay to cry

About when you can start TTC again - this is different for everyone for physical and emotional reasons. I would make sure and check with your doctor and see when you are physically ready and then decide with your SO when you are emotionally ready.

Best of luck to you!! We are always here to talk
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