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Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  • 1 Post By momology
  • 1 Post By MelChicago
  • 1 Post By Redneck_Mommy
  • 2 Post By lelila

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  #1  
March 7th, 2013, 09:30 PM
jeragiz's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Cali
Posts: 418
Ok here goes in Oct had a loss at 15 weeks and went through a downward spiral where my husband kept me somwhat sane,I put him through a lot to say the least . It wasnt my first loss but was his. And to top it all off it was the morning of our wedding. We just say she wanted to join us. There was no reason for loss I had the US and genetic scan all was good just water broke. Spent a rough week physically couple trips to hospital etc all before it finally was over. My issue is with my cycle suddenly being off abd I mean way off and with the closer that April 7th get(babys due date) the farder Im fighting the dark depression that hit me when I lost her. I am trying hard to just let it go. We both have our moments from time to time and he was so strong for me till I got back to myself so I havnt really said anything to him for the way I have been feeling. I dont want to bring him down again.. Im just geting so frustrated and emotionally out of it and the harder I tryn hidde it even from myself the moodier I seem to get. Though Im sure with my hormones out of wack its not helping.I just dk what to do anymore I really dont even as I type this I feel like Im complaining and yeah...guess ill hush as im fighting tears whole time dont wanna upset him
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  #2  
March 8th, 2013, 06:53 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
I am so very sorry for your loss and that you are going through such a difficult time right now. It is so hard to know what to do, I think we have all felt that way at some point after our losses. I understand the instinct to hide your emotions from DH and even yourself but I know for me it made things so much worse. As hard as it can be talking to someone is really what you need to do. Is there a friend or family member you can talk to about everything? Sometimes all you need is an ear to listen and a hug at the end.

I personally feel most important thing is to get support. If you don't feel like talking to someone you know, you can ask your doctor about pregnancy-loss support groups in your community. Another option is to speak with a professional counselor to help you navigate through the many difficult emotions you're experiencing right now and, ultimately, to come to terms with your grief.

You are not complaining!! You are just expressing your feelings and that is such an important part of the healing process. We are always hear to listen and we are a group of women who really do understand your pain. I am deeply sorry for what you are going through. Some days when I am feeling down - typing out how I feel on here is all I need. Please talk to us and vent as much as you need about anything and everything. We really are here for you. You can PM me any time if you want to talk more as well.
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  #3  
March 8th, 2013, 06:59 AM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,986
Sending you big hugs- I'm so sorry for your loss and what you're going through. It's an emotional time, and it's natural that you'd be more upset with your due date approaching and cycle still being off.

I don't really what to tell you, other than there's no shame in grieving, and it's not a linear process. It can and will come and go.

Are you able to see a counselor? I just started with one a few weeks ago, after my second loss. It helps to take some of the burden of grieving outside of the immediate circle of your marriage. As supportive as your husband is, it can be so hard on a marriage to be eachothers' sole source of comfort and grief at the same time.

Your doctor will probably have some recommendations.

Also, journalling helps me a LOT.
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  #4  
March 8th, 2013, 07:10 AM
Redneck_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SE Texas
Posts: 1,406
Hello, I'm so sorry for your loss. You are not alone in your emotions. I was due with my first lost baby on the 11th of this month. It's all I can think about. I'm trying to hide my thoughts from my DF. He's still not over our losses either. He's a very sensitive person and I know if I tell him how I'm feeling, it will open his wounds. Our second loss was at 18 weeks. They said our son looked normal, but stopped developing around 15 1/2 weeks. It's been very rough knowing he would have been in my arms in May if all had gone right.
I'm not a talk to people kind of person. I don't have girlfriends and I'm not close to my family at all. So, getting on here and writing helps me some. I know everyone is different and their life experiences make their emotions, thoughts, everything different from one person to the next. But, here, you have people that have a closer understanding of what you're going through. So feel free to post whatever you need. It's not a fast moving board, but at least for me, putting everything in writing somehow allows a small release of the pain, anger, sadness that I deal with everyday.
I hope you find peace soon.
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  #5  
March 8th, 2013, 08:13 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,970
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's simply not fair is it. I had an early loss in the fall and never really let myself grieve. After my second loss much further along, it is all hitting me, both losses.

I have had trouble in the past with some life events and sought the help of a counselor. It really helped me to speak to someone every week without worrying what the impact of my words would be.

I'm considering seeking a counselor again. There is no shame in getting help and sometimes we all need someone to talk to.

I hope you find peace.
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  #6  
March 8th, 2013, 03:36 PM
jeragiz's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Cali
Posts: 418
Thanks to the ladies who have answered I cried a little when I read them. To clearafy I have had regular cycles till this last month so I was doing the waiting game and hopefull but truelly felt like there was no way. Today I received some IC OPK so am going to start with them and see how it all goes. Ill start tempting when the basal thermometer comes in mail. Not sure how long I can take all this I am a bit older thhan my DH and so wish to have one with him and in a way a chance to redeem myself in my heart for where my other kids are .Im feeling frustrated and let down with myself. Funny thing is I use to tell myself I didnt want to be 30 and pregnaunt lol and here I am almost 40 and I sooooo want another baby
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  #7  
March 12th, 2013, 09:53 PM
Xtapolapocet's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 680
Quote:
Originally Posted by lelila View Post
I had an early loss [SIC] and never really let myself grieve. After my second loss much further along, it is all hitting me, both losses.
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