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Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  • 5 Post By Ame C
  • 1 Post By jeragiz

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  #1  
April 2nd, 2013, 11:46 AM
jeragiz's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Cali
Posts: 418
In the last few days I have had days of overly either mad or crying in same day and just plain emotional and now depression with all that is on the verge. I know the emotional part is my hormones being wacky I suppose.....The depression is being triggered ,I am sure by the fact I should have been having my little girl this weekend on the seventh if not already. I am also close to o day or in my TWW not a 100 percent positive. Either way I am just feeling blah and like I just don't wanna do anything. I am trying not to think about it but am also finding myself the last few days obsessed with TTC more than I have been so far loll .Idk what to do to keep my head on track and get done things I need to do. hell I am even having trouble sleeping more than usual, last night was nothing but a bunch of catnaps as I felt anxiety kept trying to take over. I just have this feeling that now is the right time. An if not now it will be a few months...if at all . **** imma be 39 this year. I cant break down and cry for it will accomplish nothing but a bunch of questions -sighs- I HATE FEELING THIS WAY. I am even tryn not to feel upset at others that are gettn there BFP . Don't get me wrong I am happy for them we all deserve a BFP but its hard so **** hard. I wanna leave happy things to say and wanna congradulate them but I can not always bring myself to do do. This emotional crap is for the birds....well tears are coming so I had better go shut my door thanks for listening to my rant
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  #2  
April 2nd, 2013, 12:14 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
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I am so sorry. Due dates coming with no baby suck.
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  #3  
April 2nd, 2013, 12:15 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
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Oh big hugs. I'm so sorry.
I know just what you're feeling I think.
I can't sleep. But then I'm exhausted. I'm sad all the time, and randomly ripping people's heads off. I just want my hormones to wear done and leave me alone. I'm tired of feeling crazy and off balance because of them.

As for being obsessed by TTC and bittersweet on other's pos tests...well I can definitely sympathize with that. We have been trying over the last four years. It is SO hard to watch people that started at the same time bring home their SECOND baby. Or the third for someone in my office that has twins coming in June. I will honestly say I have my moments. Sometimes I am seriously happy for them. Sometimes I'm so upset, that I have to give myself some time before I wish them well at all. I'm not an angry mean person, it's just because we are living through things that aren't covered by any normal emotion I think.
Sometimes it feels SO UNFAIR that I want to SCREAM! And sometimes I am so happy to see that happy endings happen that I cry. Such a roller coaster.

I'm so sorry that this is around what would have been your due date. I've been haunted by what I will do and how I will feel when my time comes. More big hugs to you.



On the brighter side of the rainbow, your chart does look good I hope this is your month!
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I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #4  
April 2nd, 2013, 12:23 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,847
So sorry your feeling this way. I hope you start feeling better!

I had a miscarriage in December, I had decided then to focus on MYSELF, I started exercising, lost some weight, going to get my hair chopped and highlighted, and some other things are on my list. I just wanted to do things for myself and it really made me feel a ton better!

HUGS!!!!!!!
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  #5  
April 2nd, 2013, 01:02 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,692
((hugs)) it's okay to cry and sometimes it helps to get those tears out. You still have time to ttc so if you feel ready then I'm going to say "Go for it!!" TTC is definitely not for the weak of heart. It's stressful, exciting and every emotion in between (I'm sure you know).
I want to cheer you up so badly!!

Okay here I go at an attempt to make you smile!! I googled "funny cute smile" and this is your dose of happy for today!! Okay I'm not into fart jokes but errmmahgawwd look at his wittle face!! I almost don't mind that he pooted!! ............ Kinda freaky looking actually,... like E.T, LOL!

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  #6  
April 2nd, 2013, 01:07 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Awww he's adorable!
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I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #7  
April 2nd, 2013, 02:09 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,294


I am so sorry for everything you are going through. Feel free to vent any time we are here for you

I agree that your chart is looking good! Fx for you this month!!!!
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  #8  
April 2nd, 2013, 03:45 PM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,896


Oh I'm so sorry, the anniversaries are so hard.

Give yourself a break, you're going through a lot. Try to do something nice for yourself, even if its something small, like a walk through a park that has flowers coming up or buy yourself a nice shirt. Plant a nice rose bush or make a batch of cookies.
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  #9  
April 2nd, 2013, 03:56 PM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,948
Big hugs- I totally understand. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You've been through such a traumatic time, and with your edd around the corner, it's bound to be an emotional time. I can't tell you how many hairy eyeballs I've given to pretty perfect moms and their 2.5 kids.

I too echo the "do something nice for yourself" camp. I spent WAY too much money this past weekend on a beautiful new dress. I'll probably only wear it half a dozen times, but whatever. It felt good.
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  #10  
April 2nd, 2013, 05:58 PM
jeragiz's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Cali
Posts: 418
Thanks for the pic is adorable.. You ladies are the best atm I have been having a little crampy and some ewcm not a lot but some...and when I first woke to pee I had just a little spotting on tissue idk we shall see definitely didn't help DH was not in mood this morn lol oh well I am gonna cross my fingers and pray

again thanks ladies
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  #11  
April 2nd, 2013, 06:09 PM
anothermother's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southwest, Missouri
Posts: 6,057
I'm so sorry hun. It truly does suck. Bad. Life is so unfair. My would be due date is quickly May 17th/18th. And it's gonna suck. I only have 1 more friend that is due to have her baby before my baby girl was supposed to be here.

And even though we were able to conceive again so quickly, and though it does help, the pain is still deep. Even just last week I found myself bawling in the bathtub just overwhelmed with grief of what should have been. It's not fair at all. Don't try to convince yourself that you need to be happy again so soon. Let yourself grieve. It's ok to be mad.

And yes, definitely do something for yourself. Just do it. Don't even think about it.

**hugs** praying you get your BFP soon!
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  #12  
April 2nd, 2013, 09:02 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 75
I'm so sorry for your loss. My due date was in February and I dreaded it. The day came and went and it was hard but once it was over I did start to feel a little better. Not closure but at least I had got it out of the way. I hope you find some sort of peace soon.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that you get your BFP soon!
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