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Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  #1  
April 3rd, 2013, 07:52 PM
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 193
Hello ladies. I am new to ttcal but not to just mommies. I was on the TTC boards a lot. Let me explain a little bit. My husband is active duty army, we have a 3 year old Thomas, and 2 year old Jax. With Thomas we were TTC for 7 months, and finally blessed with him! 10 weeks later we conceived Jax, much to our surprise lol! In September 2012 we found out we were pregnant again. I was ecstatic! I wanted to try 1 more time for our baby girl! My hubby was happy, but not like me! 2 1/2 weeks later, I lost the baby. My husband was gone at training, and I went through the loss alone. I was heartbroken. I have never experienced a loss, and I withdrew from my husband and suffered in silence. He didn't seem like it hurt at all. Well the end of last year he deployed for our 3rd deployment. Here we are 4 months into it, and he asks me to please have 1 more baby with him. He Will be with me through it all, and go through everything with me. We finally openly discussed how much it hurt and how scared I am something will happen again. So here's my question to you ladies, how do you do it? How do you face your fear and keep going? How do you not drive yourself crazy with fear? I'm terrified and we couldn't even ttc for months since he won't be home. What can I do now to better prepare my body for pregnancy. Eat better, prenatal vitamins, etc? Just looking for some reassurance from girls who understand I guess. Sorry this is so long, thanka for reading!
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  #2  
April 3rd, 2013, 08:10 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In yonder mountains
Posts: 9,285
It is hard. Very hard. It is something that you deal with on a daily basis of pregnancy. I am SO sorry for your loss. I find that putting your faith in something makes it easier. Whatever you believe in, put your faith in it and just more forward. Even if it is putting faith in your own body to know the things that it should do. The power of positive thinking. I still fear getting pregnant because it could mean loss. But, I have faith that I will have another child. That my doctors and my body will figure its crap out and I will have my next rainbow baby. It took 6 pregnancies to get Marsi. So far it has taken 2 more losses before my next baby. Yet, here I sit at 3 DPO waiting to test to see if I have another chance.
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  #3  
April 3rd, 2013, 08:21 PM
Veteran
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 193
I know religion isn't usually an openly discussed topic. I will say that what has gotten me through s my w beautiful boys, and my faith that god needed my baby more than I did at that point. I know that god as a plan for me, and will give me a baby if and when I'm ready for one. I do have that faith. So I will just keep praying and hope that someday my prayer will be answered.

You are a very strong woman. I envy that strength. I am so sorry for your losses and I truly hope you get your rainbow baby asap! Thank you for your kind words! Ihave nobody to talk to about this. My family doesn't understand anand my friends don't seem to get it either. So its nice to know I'm not crazy for feeling like I do and that I'm not alone in this. Thank you for that.
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  #4  
April 3rd, 2013, 08:45 PM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 75
You're definitely not crazy and I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel about not having anyone to talk to about your feelings. I felt the same way but this is a great group of women who all understand the pain you're feeling.

For me, the decision to TTC again was really the only way that I could even start to heal from the pain of losing my baby. I went through hell and am only beginning to feel like I am slowly getting back to normal again after all these months. Choosing to try again has given me something to look forward to - a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak - and I am willing to take the risk that this might happen again in order to have the family I want so badly.

I am so glad you have your boys and your faith to get you through this difficult time and you're very welcome on this board!

*hugs*
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Last edited by Lilly Ryan; April 3rd, 2013 at 08:47 PM.
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  #5  
April 3rd, 2013, 08:49 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Hi there. I posted on your spot in pregnancy loss, but I will say hi here too.
I'm sorry again for your loss.

As far as your anxiety, I would talk to a counselor. Maybe with your faith, a pastor or such would be helpful?
Also, I would talk to your dr. Mention to them how you are feeling. If it would make you feel better, ask that when you get your bfp, that they do extra monitoring. Ultrasounds, etc. It's not a guarantee obviously, but it will help to see things are going well.
A dr can make recommendations on fertility and getting ready too. Five months is a very normal time frame for TTC, and you have two others, so it doesn't sound like fertility is an issue, but to prepare for a healthy pregnancy you should start your vitamins (make sure you're getting folic acid and iron) and maybe get a couple blood tests if your dr suggests it. One miscarriage does not increase your likelihood of another, so that is great news for you.

Never ever feel crazy for all of these feelings. They are totally normal and there are so many of us that understand!! Please feel free to come here and post anything you are feeling or thinking. The women here are amazing and strong and supportive.

Good luck to you!!! I hope your hubby gets home soon and you are on your way to a beautiful rainbow baby in no time!!
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I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #6  
April 4th, 2013, 06:42 AM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,172
I actually posted a very similar question here yesterday. Hopefully you've already read it! If not, I hope you do because the responses I got really helped me a lot in figuring out where to go from here!

I also wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss! You've found the right place to come to talk, vent etc. We are all here to listen! <HUGS>
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  #7  
April 4th, 2013, 08:22 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,215
I am so very sorry for your loss. The choice to try again is a very difficult one. It is scary to try again after feeling such devastation from a loss. But for me, I know it is worth whatever it takes to have a baby. I agree with what the previous posters have said - having faith in something is very important and so is talking to someone - a friend, your husband, a counselor, or us here on JM. It really helps to lay all your fears and concerns out and really confront them.

As far as what you can do while you are waiting - I am still a few months from being able to try again so I am using this time to try and better myself to be in the best shape that I can be. I am trying to eat healthier, work out more, taking my prenatals, and trying to remain stress free. None of this can prevent another loss but it can help your body to be as ready as possible. It has really been helping me to have goals in the mean time and to feel that I am actually doing something to help prepare.

I am so sorry you are going through this we are here if you ever need to talk!
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  #8  
April 4th, 2013, 08:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,625
I'm sorry for your loss. No one should go through it at all, much less alone. How do you go on and get through TTC again. Well honestly, I didn't. After my first loss, I shut it all out. Every pregnant woman I saw was just fat. When we were TTC again we were just "doing it" we weren't making a baby. When we did finally conceive, I wasn't pregnant. I pretended it hadn't happened. I took care of myself, the same as before (they weren't prenatal vitamins, they were "meds"). But I didn't talk about it. I told no one and DH and I didn't talk about the baby or getting ready or anything. We never got excited. After the first U/S when we saw the HB, we went home and cooked dinner and went on like nothing had happened.

Is that anyway to live? Not at all. It was horrible. But it was our defense mechanism and it was the only way we could prepare ourselves for the worst, which happened. Again. And despite all our efforts, devastated us. Again.

There is no right way or wrong way to prepare or cope. Each day you may find a different way of managing whether it's by prayer or exercise, chocolate or celery. Find your peace, each day. But remember to breathe.

Good Luck.
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