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Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  • 1 Post By geogeek
  • 1 Post By lelila
  • 1 Post By MelChicago
  • 1 Post By cortln
  • 1 Post By momology
  • 1 Post By jmills1129
  • 1 Post By lelila
  • 1 Post By Redneck_Mommy
  • 1 Post By MoonAngel702
  • 1 Post By lelila
  • 1 Post By Empty arms
  • 1 Post By momology
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  #1  
July 16th, 2013, 07:54 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 397
Hey yall...
Well I am new here... Not to the whole baby loosing thing, since it has been 6 months since my boy passed, but I guess I just didnt have the strength to come to a forum up to now, since I was really "forum-active" during all of my "oh-so-perfect" pregnancy...
I feel like I dont need to tell my story since it is in my info, and it might upset some.
Anyway, I just wanted to say Ive been reading this forum for a while, Ive read some of your stories and feel connected to some of u already!
Now Im on 9 dpo, trying so very hard not to get my hopes up...
If I may ask, do you girls have pregnancy symptoms without being preg too? My head does the weirdest things, it is terrible! So far I have light cramping and some tenderness in the breasts, and that is not a sign of af... Its just a cruel joke!
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  #2  
July 16th, 2013, 08:12 AM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In yonder mountains
Posts: 9,339
First off, I am so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. With me, my pregnancies are extremely hard from implantation. So, I pretty much know if I am pregnant or not based on symptoms. I hope that you get your rainbow baby from this cycle. Good luck! When are you going to test?
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  #3  
July 16th, 2013, 08:36 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 397
Thank u so much geogeek! Im not sure when Im going to test... 2 months ago I was late 5 days, poas but it was negative, so I went for a bhcg blood test and sure enought... Bfn!
So I just dont have the heart to expect a bfp anymore... I am scared of testing... I dont now when Im going to do it, probably on saturday, 13 dpo... Meanwhile I keep trying not to dream...!
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  #4  
July 16th, 2013, 08:43 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,869
I'm sorry you are here. You have endured every mother's worst nightmare.

How are you doing now? Both mentally and physically?

Yes, head games that you play with yourself and your body plays with you, it's enough to drive you crazy. The symptoms are virtually the same. Nausea, sore back and breasts, headache, cramps, irritability, spotting, tiredness, and dizziness. Some become so overwhelming, we eventually cave and poas, most of the time, too early to tell either way.

I hope you get your BFP. And peace, if that is possible.

Keep us posted! and post pics if you get that beautiful bfp!
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  #5  
July 16th, 2013, 08:46 AM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,935
Big hugs and welcome to you! I'm so sorry for your loss, and admire your bravery in coming here. I hope you can find the support you need.

Yes, I absolutely have pg symptoms when not pregnant. I was TTA this cycle, since I'm going to see an RE for the first time at the end of this month (I've had 3 losses in this last year), and was getting so freaked out by sore breasts, bloating, odd cramps and pelvic twinges. It was the first cycle I was ever glad to see AF.
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  #6  
July 16th, 2013, 09:08 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,842
So sorry for your loss. I have pregnancy symptoms every month lol Seems like lately they've been getting worse for me which is really irritating because I totally get my hopes up!
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  #7  
July 16th, 2013, 09:20 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 397
Thank you so much for making me feel welcome girls!

Lelila, I guess physically I'm doing fine, mentally... I've been worse. Therapy 2X a week helps some... And as the weeks go by my feelings keep changing. I've gone from "this is not happening" to "I dont wanna live anymore" to a more recent "guess I'll just keep living with this unbearable feeling forever". Really, in the last few weeks I came to realize better than I ever did before that nothing, not even a new baby will ever take the memory of my son and what should have been out of my heart. Still I long for a new baby, as I believe it is my only true destiny...

MelChicago, I'm finding support already! It sort of feels like a sisterhood, doens't it? I felt like I knew you just by readig your posts..!

Cortln, I also end up getting my hopes up, and I hate that... I try really hard to convince myself that it doens't mean anything, that I'm not preg, but still... How can you not expect something you want so bad? And isn't it terrible that we lost our innocence? I miss that so much, just being care free..! Right now I can tell you that, with the symptoms I'm having, and being on the 9th DPO, I think about being preg or not every minute I'm awake.
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  #8  
July 16th, 2013, 09:53 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,294
I honestly don't think I have words to convey how deeply sorry I am for your loss.

Welcome to the board. I hope you are able to find support and comfort here as I have.

Pregnancy symptoms and AF symptoms are cruelly similar in my opinion I have a very hard time and analyze every symptom from the moment after ovulation. I so hope you get your beautiful BFP soon. I am definitely rooting for you!

I wish you all the best!
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  #9  
July 16th, 2013, 10:23 AM
jmills1129's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,385
Sorry for your loss, I cannot offer much advice, I never have pregnancy symptoms, probably one of the only women who doesn't. Which when TTC and what not sucks because without a missed periodi have no reason to test! I hope your stay here is short!!
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  #10  
July 16th, 2013, 10:31 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Empty arms View Post
Thank you so much for making me feel welcome girls!

Lelila, I guess physically I'm doing fine, mentally... I've been worse. Therapy 2X a week helps some... And as the weeks go by my feelings keep changing. I've gone from "this is not happening" to "I dont wanna live anymore" to a more recent "guess I'll just keep living with this unbearable feeling forever". Really, in the last few weeks I came to realize better than I ever did before that nothing, not even a new baby will ever take the memory of my son and what should have been out of my heart. Still I long for a new baby, as I believe it is my only true destiny...
My heart is breaking for you. I don't think a new baby will ever take away the feelings of loss you suffer. My mother lost her first child just hours after birth. She is 76 yrs old and still talks with anguish of that loss and longing. She went on to have 6 more children.

I truly hope you get your beautiful rainbow baby, and you find some peace and joy in your life. I'm glad you are in Therapy - you need to find those places and spaces to look forward to every day.
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  #11  
July 16th, 2013, 11:10 AM
Redneck_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SE Texas
Posts: 1,399
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have decided to join us.

I can tell you when I'm not preggo, but it's harder to have any for sure signs when I am, since my first loss. I keep talking myself out of every sign I think I have. I'm only 2-4 days after O and keep feeling little things that make me go... hmmm, what if, nah. Like achy boobs, bloat, dreams, etc..

I hope you get a sticky bean soon.
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  #12  
July 16th, 2013, 11:20 AM
MoonAngel702's Avatar ~Staying Positive~
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Nevada
Posts: 2,571
I'm so sorry for your loss. So terribly heartbreaking. I am glad you decided to join us over here. This is a great group of ladies and such a wonderful support system.

My body always does different things every cycle so it's always hard for me to know if I'm pregnant or not w/o testing. When do you think you will test?

Lots of coming your way!
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  #13  
July 16th, 2013, 11:44 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 397
Thank all of you so much, really..!
So, just as an update, I read a lot of girls talking about how they start testing almost right after ovulation, so I decided - oh well, I'm 9 dpo, even though I now it's very soon, what's the harm? If anything it will help me not to get my hopes up.
So I POAS.
And surely enough, BFN. Seriously, that second line could not be any more invisible!
Funny thing is (and I'm sure I'm not alone at this) even though I don't want to have ANY hopes, even though the test IS negative... Still!
*sigh*
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  #14  
July 16th, 2013, 11:52 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,869
Sorry for the BFN. Its so disappointing even when you don't have high hopes.

I actually laughed out loud when I read your line about the line couldn't be any more invisible. That's the way I feel about all my OPKs recently. It's as if my body just shut down, and maybe it has. I'm alot older than many of the girls on this board and I just can't expect things to work like clockwork. But everytime I poas, it's almost as if it's laughing at me. Once of these days, I'm going to pee on an OPK and instead of a line, there's going to be a flashing neon sign that says "NOPE!"
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Wife to Big Bull 39
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

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  #15  
July 16th, 2013, 11:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lelila View Post
Sorry for the BFN. Its so disappointing even when you don't have high hopes.

I actually laughed out loud when I read your line about the line couldn't be any more invisible. That's the way I feel about all my OPKs recently. It's as if my body just shut down, and maybe it has. I'm alot older than many of the girls on this board and I just can't expect things to work like clockwork. But everytime I poas, it's almost as if it's laughing at me. Once of these days, I'm going to pee on an OPK and instead of a line, there's going to be a flashing neon sign that says "NOPE!"
Now Im the one laughing out loud!! (Isn't it morbid to be able to laugh about this terrible situations? Guess it's the only way to cope!)
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  #16  
July 16th, 2013, 12:14 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,294
BFNs are always soooo disappointing I try never to test before 11 DPO because according to my doc it is rare to see a positive before then (no clue where she gets her info from). I always pretend I will wait until 14 DPO but that has still never happened. So I will probably be testing an about 5 days

I hope a beautiful BFP shows for you soon!
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  #17  
July 16th, 2013, 06:17 PM
Rainbow Catcher's Avatar Bound and Determined
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Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,351
Hi! Nice to meet you! So sorry for your loss.

Thiis is a great group! I totally am like you in that I overevaluate every little symptom... it's hard not to... and it's totally nerve-racking! Why do we do that to ourselves!!!

Hope you get your BFP soon!
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  #18  
July 16th, 2013, 08:39 PM
Dreamsinpink2010's Avatar expecting princess #2!!!
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Hello!
I am very sorry about the loss of your precious little boy. I definately have had signs of pregnancy even when I was not pregnant. The dizziness, fatigue, nausea etc only to be seeing a BFN
I hope we all have a short stay
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  #19  
July 16th, 2013, 09:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,295
I'm s sorry for your loss and that you are here, but I'm glad you are finding support in the forums here.

Deciding to test or not to test is horrible no matter what. This month I'm testing early and getting all kinds of conflicting info. S even if you do test, it's not always helpful.

A million hugs to you. I hope you continue to find support and caring here.
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