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I just want someone to talk to who understands. I had a loss 9/4


Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  • 1 Post By momology

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  #1  
September 17th, 2013, 12:07 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 10
I am new here.. And I don't know I I'm in the right spot. Penelope's due date is 4/20/2013 and I was rushed to the hospital with abdominal and back pain to find out I had a "missed miscarriage." I started reading everything I could and was hoping it was misdiagnosed.. I had a follow up ultrasound to find out Penelope had stopped growing at 6 weeks 1 day, the first time I Saw peanut not the ultrasound. So I had lost my baby and been carrying or two weeks not having any idea what had happened. My doctor gave me misoprostol to pass the miscarriage. I took it last Wednesday and ended up in the hospital because the pain was too much. I'm all alone. My husband is on a hunting trip and I have no one to confide in. This baby was my hope. I feel so unstable. I've gone back o work and it doesn't help that all my patients and coworkers ask me every day how I am and what's going on. The second someone asks I lose it. It doesn't help my coworker shared the same due date and also another girl in my other office is pregnant. I'm happy for them but it just kills me. I don't know when my husband will be back from hunting and I'm even more hurt because I don't know how he could leave me like this. I'm a strong person. But I feel so broken and I don't know where to go or who to turn to. I'm not ready to be back at work but I've already taken a week and a half off. I just feel so depressed and alone.
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  #2  
September 17th, 2013, 06:01 AM
ambitionsofabundance's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Durham, nc
Posts: 200
Awkward Hun. I'm sorry for your loss. Hugs to you. You're definitely in the right place. These women know your pain and are great to talk to. It sucks to have a loss and be surrounded by pregnancy at every turn. Sometimes it just helps to rant, cry, scream, Ect. I'm at that point now. I hope hubby comes home soon, and just know we're here for you.
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  #3  
September 17th, 2013, 06:22 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,215
I am so very sorry for your loss. You have chosen the right board to come to for support after a loss. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I am very sorry you are going through it alone. Everyone grieves differently it may be that your husband was not quite sure how to handle everything but I am so sorry he left you alone. Going back to work is a very difficult thing but it can be good to get things feeling a little more normal again. What you really need is time and support. Talking things over with people has always been my biggest help. My friends and the ladies here on this board have gotten me through some very tough times so please feel free to come here any time for any sort of support you need. Two of my best friends shared my second due date (about a week apart) so I know the pain you are feeling with that. It is hard for me to watch them grow and find my happiness for them even though I know deep down I am happy for them. I think time is all that helps with that. I also know how it is to feel broken and utterly lost and depressed and I am here to tell you that as hard as it is to believe it really does get better. Be patient with yourself. There is no time limit on your grief. Cry if you need to, talk to people when you need to, and give yourself time. Send me a personal message if you need someone to talk someone I am always here. You are never alone once you join JM this is a wonderful support group with amazing ladies.
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  #4  
September 17th, 2013, 06:44 AM
butterfly721's Avatar TTC #1
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I am so sorry for your loss. You are in the right place. We have all had pregnancy losses, and we understand how much you are hurting right now. We are all here for you.

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  #5  
September 17th, 2013, 07:16 AM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,773
I am so, so sorry for your loss. It is such a hard, heartbreaking thing. It's amazing to feel the depths of our love, loss and sorrow when these little ones come to our lives. Going through this grief is the most difficult thing many of us have ever been through. You are not alone! It is a sad sisterhood to join, but there are other women who have been through this and who are here for you.

If there is one coworker you are closer to, maybe you can ask him or her to spread the word that you appreciate everyone's concern and sympathy, and it would help you not to not be asked about it and just focus on your work.

Just keep breathing, and putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes that's all we can do.

This poem really comforted me after my first loss...

Poem
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  #6  
September 17th, 2013, 07:25 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
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Location: Pennsylvania
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I am so very sorry for your loss. As the other ladies have said you came to the right place. The ladies here are amazing and so full of love and support! I'm sorry your husband left you especially during this time. Is there any way to get in touch with him to let him know you need him home? This might be his way of grieving but it's very selfish to leave you alone during this time. Do you have any family or friends close by? It would be good to confide in them as well so you have someone there with you. Let yourself grieve the loss of your baby. We are here for you hun.
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  #7  
September 17th, 2013, 05:10 PM
Rainbow Catcher's Avatar Bound and Determined
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I'm so sorry for your loss. As the others have said.. this place is awesome and the ladies here are great. time helps... I hope your husband is home soon. Of course, everyone deals with things differently, but that may be the comfort you need. After a week or two, I found comfort in talking to people about it - even people who had no idea I was pregnant. I don't know why, but I couldn't right at the beginning. Take care of yourself, and confide in your friends, and know we are all here for you.
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  #8  
September 17th, 2013, 10:51 PM
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Thank you for all of the responses. I just read them over and over again again with my head on the steering wheel and just cried. That poem is so awesome. It really is very helpful to read when I feel like I'm losing control. My husband still isn't home and I haven't heard anything and its just crushing everything I think I have left. He has literally been my rock and only true friend throughout the past years and to not have him is leaving me in a very scary place. I do however want to say I cannot believe the support I feel from all of you, strangers, who don't even know me. Thank you for the hugs and general support it may literally be the only thing I really have right now. Hugs and love to all of you.
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  #9  
September 18th, 2013, 04:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Isabellaorlando View Post
Thank you for all of the responses. I just read them over and over again again with my head on the steering wheel and just cried. That poem is so awesome. It really is very helpful to read when I feel like I'm losing control. My husband still isn't home and I haven't heard anything and its just crushing everything I think I have left. He has literally been my rock and only true friend throughout the past years and to not have him is leaving me in a very scary place. I do however want to say I cannot believe the support I feel from all of you, strangers, who don't even know me. Thank you for the hugs and general support it may literally be the only thing I really have right now. Hugs and love to all of you.
Do you not have any way to contact your husband? I can't imagine going through a loss without my husbands support. We are here for you hun. Please stay strong!
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  #10  
September 18th, 2013, 11:33 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss. It truly is a devastating ordeal to go through that you really can't prepare for, but you are in the right place. We have all had to deal with loss and I can speak from experience that these ladies helped me when I felt alone, and I hope we can do the same for you.

I hope there's a friend or family member that you can reach out to for support if your husband isn't back yet. For me and my work environment, I was really lucky to have a co-worker I could trust to tell everyone what had happened and that I really didn't want to have anyone talk to me about it right away Where I work it's only a handful of people, so it wasn't that difficult to do). Is there one co-worker you could reach out to and ask for help?
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  #11  
September 18th, 2013, 05:56 PM
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I really have no one. My best friend has moved and we hardly talk now. I have no way to get ahold of my husband his cell gets no service where he is. I prayed and prayed he would come home today but sadly he did not. I will say tomorrow and really hope. I have a general idea of where he is hunting and I'm really considering driving up there and trying to did him. I just feel like I'm going nuts. I also don't want to find him and ruin his trip. I feel selfish but at the same time this board is all the support I have. Everyone else thinks it's not a big deal and that I should get over it. Losing my baby is not something to "get over." Especially when my husband said he didn't want to try again. Not that trying again would help my grieving process it just is what I want more than anything in the world. I'm sorry I'm ranting. I will try to be happy and do the WWW thing I saw on here so... Whine: my husband isn't home yet and it's turning me into a basket case woohoo: halfway through my week weather: it was sunny and 65-70 today I wish it would rain and the leaves would turn pretty colors because I like that the most . (I live in Washington.) I can't say thank you enough to all of you for giving me friends to talk to who understand and are supportive.
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  #12  
September 18th, 2013, 06:02 PM
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I really have no one. My best friend has moved and we hardly talk now. I have no way to get ahold of my husband his cell gets no service where he is. I prayed and prayed he would come home today but sadly he did not. I will say tomorrow and really hope. I have a general idea of where he is hunting and I'm really considering driving up there and trying to did him. I just feel like I'm going nuts. I also don't want to find him and ruin his trip. I feel selfish but at the same time this board is all the support I have. Everyone else thinks it's not a big deal and that I should get over it. Losing my baby is not something to "get over." Especially when my husband said he didn't want to try again. Not that trying again would help my grieving process it just is what I want more than anything in the world. I'm sorry I'm ranting. I will try to be happy and do the WWW thing I saw on here so... Whine: my husband isn't home yet and it's turning me into a basket case woohoo: halfway through my week weather: it was sunny and 65-70 today I wish it would rain and the leaves would turn pretty colors because I like that the most . (I live in Washington.) I can't say thank you enough to all of you for giving me friends to talk to who understand and are supportive.
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  #13  
September 18th, 2013, 06:39 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 14
I totally understand how you feel when it comes to other pregnant women. Its not that you aren't happy for them, it wonderful that they are pregnant with a healthy baby, but for me- It also makes me dwell on the fact that I am not.

Isn't the statistic 1/4 for miscarriage. Well when I had my first loss in April, I can note at least 5 other people who got pregnant the same time and are due the same time I WAS. Its painful to see their facebook pages with their announcements and ultrasounds. I have deleted facebook a couple times just because I really thought I would lose it if one more person posted they were pregnant. Its not that I am not happy for them, I just wish I had ultrasound pictures and was picking out names, and preparing for the birth of my baby in November.

My husband gets angry and says its bad karma that I feel like this. Its not like I have anything but warm wishes for THEM... I just envy them and wish I was still in the same boat
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  #14  
September 18th, 2013, 08:15 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 10
That's what my husband says as well about the karma. He's a very calm kind spirited man but just doesn't know how much anger and hurt this pain causes. It is very sad to see everyone else's pictures and what not. I'm sure we all wake up and think, today I would be this many weeks. Hugs to you.
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  #15  
September 18th, 2013, 08:38 PM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,773
You know, I had a hard time with my DH, too, after our losses. After the second he flat out said he never wanted to try again. And as much as I knew he loved me, he wasn't there for my in my grief the way I wanted him to be. It was hard, but I came to realize that for us, I can't look to him to be absolutely everything to me in this. Dealing with the grief was not his strong suit. But dealing in the hope/excitement/planning definitely is. To help me in the depths of my grief, I came to this board, my mom, eventually a therapist, to some extent a few close friends. It helped a lot to take the burden of dealing with it all outside the immediate circle of our marriage.

Marriage sure isn't easy. But it's possible to get through it, and be stronger, both together and individually. Once I began seeing a therapist and dealt with things, my DH on his own brought up trying again. And now we are pg again (fingers crossed it sticks).

Sending more and more hugs! You are not alone. This is the roughest time, and we are here for you.
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  #16  
September 18th, 2013, 09:10 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 10
Thank you very much. We are newlyweds as of 06/14/13 so we are just navigating how to deal with such a great loss in what is supposed to be such a time of happiness. And congratulations I will say prayers for a sticky baby! That is wonderful!
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  #17  
September 19th, 2013, 07:18 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 11
Sweetheart, I am going through a loss right now too. My HCG numbers have been up and down, and are now just going down. Now I'm just waiting to actually miscarry and its torture. Although the baby's father is not out of town like yours, I too feel alone because he has had such a hard time with this and we have become distant. We do not live together (actually an hour and a half away) so we havent been able to be together. Please stay in touch with me. Maybe we can help eachother through this.
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  #18  
September 19th, 2013, 08:26 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 10
I would love to help you through and keep in touch! It must be really tough be an hour and a half away. Although it probably seems pretty dreary now try focusing your mind somewhere else. Watch a movie, go for a walk. Do something you love. I'm here to listen if you nee to vent or anything or just need a shoulder to lean on. My husband STILL isn't back and still isn't in to reception so talking and helping someone else makes it a little better. I hope you're doing okay.
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