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At least DH was with me this time. We went to the doctor after work and the ultrasound showed no growth from last time (2 weeks ago at 6wks) and no heartbeat. I really don't get it b/c this time my body still "felt" pregnant at least, but I guess that still doesn't mean anything.
This time around we had decided to not tell anyone (not even our parents), and I'm glad we didn't. I know it's good to have our family support us, but I feel DH and I can support each other as much as we need to. With the last one, I really felt like I was letting my parents down. My dad was so sad I didn't know how to console him, so at least they're none the wiser this time. My mom said some really off the wall ideas about why it might of happened, so I'm glad I don't have to hear any of it.
This time it's like we were preparing ourselves for the worst at each step (when I booked this appointment I knew that if I got bad news it would be easier to take tomorrow off b/c of election day) . It has helped a little bit so far, but it's still really hard. I can't help but think that something must really be wrong for this to happen two times in a row. My doctor said she would refer me to a specialist. This is a journey I never thought I could take.
Of course once again this is all happening on a busy work week - my Dr normally can only do D&C on Thursday, but I have a work event that night, so she's going to try and see if she can get me in for Friday. Otherwise I'll have to wait until next Thursday... I really hope I don't have to deal with that. It would be terrible.
I really didn't want to even think about feeling this pain again, but here I am. At least this time I know I have this place to turn to right away.
10/19/14 - DE IVF, Transferred two 8-cell embies (3dt)
10/28/14 - 1st Beta = 70 at 9dp3dt
10/30/14 - 2nd Beta = 163 at 11dp3dt
11/5/14 - 3rd Beta = 1300 at 17dp3dt
11/17/14 - U/S - Twins, both with flickers of heartbeats!
11/25/14 - One twin stopped growing and lost their hb. :'( The other measures perfectly, hb: 157.
I am so sorry you are going through this again No one should ever have to endure this once let alone multiple times. We are here for you every step of the way. I hope they can get you in this Friday. I can't imagine having to wait longer than that. Praying for you dear. I hope the specialist can give you some answers.
My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11
I am so very sorry for your loss and that you are going through this all again. I really hope they can get you in this Friday and you dont have to wait. We are here for you if you need anything. I will be keeping you in my thoughts
Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!
Thank you for your support, ladies. It means so much to me to know that I'm not alone. I know this heartache is making me stronger in the long run and when we have our rainbow baby, I'll be all the more thankful. I just wish I could fast forward to that time right now.
The good news is that they put in the request for Friday at the OR but I might not get a specific time until Thursday (it could be as early as 9am or late as 4pm). If it's in the morning, it will be harder to get out of work (I run school programs at a museum, thankfully I have other educators coming in that day to teach, but I'm usually there to make sure everything goes smoothly). Of course beggars can't be choosers, so I'll just have to make it work and I think my boss will help me out if need be.
It's hard to tell what is best for me right now. I want to feel normal and go about my day, but at the same time I just want to do nothing, sit around and see no one. At least I voted and ran the dishwasher :-) but I also canceled on dinner with friends tonight and going to choir rehearsal. We have a bunch of social plans for the weekend, so I'm hoping I'll feel closer to normal once the procedure is over and done with on Friday.
Sending you big hugs. I'm so, so sorry you are going through this. You're right, it's so hard to know what feels right. It can be a comfort to go through your normal routine, but it can also be too much to put on a facade when your heart isn't in it. I think it's okay to err on the side of doing less. I hope you can find comforting things that help you pass the time til Friday.