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Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  #1  
November 23rd, 2013, 07:08 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 918
Ladies,

I am completely broken. Last night, I went to ER because of the issues I was having with cramping...the leaking gush of clear fluid...pink tint with it.. So they gave me an ultrasound to calm my fears. There was no heart-beat at 10 weeks. I was crying and praying that maybe the tech was wrong. I was told to go home and relax because there is nothing they can do but for me to follow up with my Doctor. This morning I went to the Doctor and they did another ultrasound. No heart-beat. My poor baby died at 10 weeks. This morning at the Doctor's office, I started to cramp and light spotting on toilet paper when I went to restroom. I just knew in my heart that my baby was gone. I was crying the whole time. Doctor talked to me about my options and said since I am 10 weeks...it is in my best interest if I had a D&C procedure so I did.

While I was in the room getting ready to have another procedure my heart just sunk! I prayed, I cried, already feeling the pain...I just wanted this nightmare to end. I was crying the whole time but the nurse was helpful and helped me through it. I choose to be asleep because I knew emotionally I couldn't handle it being awake.

I am back home, stuck in the bed...my heart is filled with tears. I want my baby back to much. My body hurts all over...I am still bleeding and cramping from the procedure. When am I ever gonna have my family? I am starting to think it will never happen to me. While SO is helping me through this and him saying it will be okay and we will have a family. I just have no hope. I feel completely dead inside. I feel like God hates me. Which, I feel as my body failed me and it's my fault.

I have no idea what to do. Being 21 and a mommy of 4 beautiful angels in Heaven. I just have no hope for the future. I hope and pray that God works miracles and my body heals perfectly and that when the time is right, when he thinks it's time for SO and I to have a family. It will happen.

My first two losses I miscarried naturally at home. My third loss happened at 9 weeks and 4 days and ended in a D&C procedure on Aug 9th, 2013. My fourth loss happened at 10 weeks and had to have a D&C procedure today 11/23/2013. My third and fourth loss happened within 3 3 1/2 months apart and ended with having D&C procedure with both.

I am so worried that my body is damaged because of it. I can't stop crying because the loss of another one. I hate my body so much. I just want my baby back but there is nothing I can do. I am worried about the damage and future trying and etc. SO and I really want a family! :,(
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<3 I have suffered 4 early M/C's since 2012. I am missing my 4 angels so much. My love for them all will never fade. <3

First M/C loss- 7/8 weeks
Second M/C loss- 4-5 weeks(Chemical)
Third M/C loss- 9 weeks and 4 days
Fourth M/C loss- 10 weeks

~No one else will never know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart feels like on the inside~

<3 Praying and Hoping that my partner and I will be blessed with our miracle soon. <3
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  #2  
November 23rd, 2013, 07:17 PM
JackieV's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,421
Oh hun I am so so so very sorry to hear this I was so hoping you would get better news today. I have only had 3 losses (one a chemical) all in 6 months. In my experience it helps to grieve for the time you need. I have heard that many others have sought a counselor to work through healing emotionally.

I hope you can get some answers and hold your baby in your arms soon. You will be in my prayers and I hope you heal fully, emotionally and physically. *hugs*
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  #3  
November 23rd, 2013, 07:24 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 918
Thank you. I am completely torn and I can't stop crying. I have suffered a chemical before. I am thinking about counseling when I am emotionally ready too.

SO and I talked and after I am fully recovered and emotionally ready too..I will go to a specialist and get testing test so when we try again. Hoping the 5th baby will my my rainbow!
__________________




<3 I have suffered 4 early M/C's since 2012. I am missing my 4 angels so much. My love for them all will never fade. <3

First M/C loss- 7/8 weeks
Second M/C loss- 4-5 weeks(Chemical)
Third M/C loss- 9 weeks and 4 days
Fourth M/C loss- 10 weeks

~No one else will never know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart feels like on the inside~

<3 Praying and Hoping that my partner and I will be blessed with our miracle soon. <3
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  #4  
November 23rd, 2013, 07:53 PM
ashleyjo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,899
I'm so sorry sweetie.. prayers for you
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Ashley
Wife to Ray, mama to Colin (4), Brock (2) & expecting our baby GIRL 10.20.2014


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  #5  
November 23rd, 2013, 08:08 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: michigan
Posts: 223
I am so sorry I kinda know how you feel at 22 but have only had 2 losses i day shy of 10 months apart.
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MM never forgotten 12/18/12

Little One never forgotten 10/17/2013

Sarah & Michael
Hoping for a little miracle


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  #6  
November 23rd, 2013, 08:33 PM
Rainbow Catcher's Avatar Bound and Determined
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,366
I'm so sorry you'r egoing through this again - I'm thinking of you and hope you heal quickly. We're here for you.
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Thanks for my awesome siggy, Shortcake!!
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  #7  
November 24th, 2013, 01:12 AM
Danielle.W's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,684
oh my gosh

This is so awful! I can not imagine having another loss again after my last one. Going through it again, I don't think I could. I am praying for you, for healing for your heart, for peace and comfort and for your rainbow baby.

I'm just so sad
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Mama to Valley, Lyric
Levi 9/2009 & Mara 9/2013



My Ovulation Chart

Cycle 12 (of 16) after 2nd tri miscarriage: Soy Iso take 5

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  #8  
November 24th, 2013, 05:01 AM
rabbitranch's Avatar est. 2000
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: central FL
Posts: 13,598
Oh honey I am so sorry. There's nothing to say to make it magically better but many hugs sent your way and prayers for a peaceful holiday for you
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Heidi, mama to 4 kiddos and an lost 11.25.13 at 11w5d
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  #9  
November 24th, 2013, 06:00 AM
Danielle80's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hunter Army Airfield (Richmond Hill), Ga
Posts: 3,671
Oh no! I am so so sorry. I have no words for you but please know that I am praying for you and my heart just breaks for you and your SO.

Here is a link to a blog that really helped me get passed some of the anger and whys. The person who shared this blog with me lost her 2 year old in an auto accident and it helped her too. Maybe it can give you a little comfort. Please know that you are in my prayers!!!

What Not to Say | Thinking Out Loud

Everything Happens for a Reason, Right? | Thinking Out Loud
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Danielle: Mom to Caitlyn (16), Brooklynn (12), Jackson (8), Lincoln (5), & Baby Harrison Due 9/30/2014

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  #10  
November 24th, 2013, 08:32 AM
The Purple Butterfly's Avatar Stacey
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 10,061
I'm so sorry, hun!! . I pray you find some answers. Have you ever been tested for blood clotting disorders?
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Stacey, wife to Allan & Mom to:
~Anastasia (14) C/S, 8lbs 7oz, 20.5"~
Noah (11) C/S, 8lbs 12oz, 19"~
Oliver (5) VBA2C, 7lbs 3oz, 19.5" ~ Grayson (10/16/13) 2VBA2C, 9lbs 12oz, 22"
born sleeping at 39w pg; Protein C def, FVL, PAI-1 , & MTHFR
Lavender Kate (5/20/14) 2.5oz, 6" Lost at 16w


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  #11  
November 24th, 2013, 08:45 AM
jes81878's Avatar Jennifer
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Burlington, KY
Posts: 613
I'm so sorry for your loss. We were in the March DDC together, and I have kept up with you. I'm praying you heal quickly physically and emotionally and get some answers to what might be causing all the losses.
__________________
Jennifer 34 (tubal factor and lost my left tube from ectopic)
Andres 34 (perfect SA)
My Son 10
My Son 13
Husband no bio/children (but the best father ever to my two boys)
TTC for 4 years
IVF in June 2013 (BFP)
1st Beta (10dp5dt) #761

Boy/Girl Twins

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  #12  
November 24th, 2013, 05:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: MN
Posts: 4,865
Oh no. I am so, so sorry to hear this. Be gentle with yourself. You will have your rainbow baby someday.
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  #13  
November 24th, 2013, 05:25 PM
Redneck_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SE Texas
Posts: 1,406
I am so so sorry. I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better. Just know that you're not alone, and you have prayers coming your way.
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  #14  
November 25th, 2013, 07:38 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,035
I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could ease your fears. What I can tell you is I know how your feeling. I'm 26 years old with no living children and 9 angels in heaven. Every single day is a struggle. I have in the process of trying to have a family lost a part of myself. I quit living to put it bluntly. I went through the emotions and that was it. But this last break from JM, from TTC, was just what I needed. I needed to remember why I loved my DH and wanted a family with him. I needed to enjoy life again and remember that it's okay to smile, it's okay to have a drink when I had a hard day at work. It's okay to jump in that hot tub and not worry about what cycle day it is. It's okay to plan a trip and not worry if doing some activity will hurt your possible un-born child.. Take a step back and grieve the loss of your baby. That is the first step that needs to happen. Talk about it to us, to your DH to family/friends (whomever you feel comfortable). Talking about it helps more than you will ever know. The second step is realizing you did NOTHING wrong and NOTHING you could have done would have prevented it. Sometimes taking a break from TTC is just what we need to get our head back to where we need to be. But remember who you are, and where you want to be. If you need to talk I'm here hun.
Rainbow Catcher likes this.
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My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11


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  #15  
November 25th, 2013, 07:47 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
I am so sorry for your loss I am so angry that this happens to people who want children so much. I think Katie has given you some wonderful advice. We are here for you if you ever need us.

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Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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  #16  
November 25th, 2013, 07:53 AM
Sassafrass's Avatar Running Mamma
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 4,467
Im so sorry sweetie. Life can be cruel sometimes. HUGS.
__________________
Serena
Mummy to 7,

Brady('97)
Olivia('98)
Gavin('00)
Jaiden('03)
Gage('05)
Sloan('10)
Silas('11)
and 3 in my heart(3/13, 6/13 & 9/13)

Cautiously expecting our precious rainbow baby 02/18/15

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  #17  
November 25th, 2013, 01:54 PM
Knewton's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 549
Has your OB talked to you about looking into your recurring losses? I would think they would since getting pregnant isn't difficult but keeping seems to be the problem? I pray that there is a solution they can find and that you can finally carry your sweet baby to full term
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  #18  
November 26th, 2013, 06:26 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 918
Thank you so much ladies. After I am fully recovered and emotionally ready too. We are going to get testing done!!! I am just trying to cope with everything, with my four loss...trying to physically recover and get through the holidays
__________________




<3 I have suffered 4 early M/C's since 2012. I am missing my 4 angels so much. My love for them all will never fade. <3

First M/C loss- 7/8 weeks
Second M/C loss- 4-5 weeks(Chemical)
Third M/C loss- 9 weeks and 4 days
Fourth M/C loss- 10 weeks

~No one else will never know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart feels like on the inside~

<3 Praying and Hoping that my partner and I will be blessed with our miracle soon. <3
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  #19  
November 27th, 2013, 03:08 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,035
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixie23 View Post
Thank you so much ladies. After I am fully recovered and emotionally ready too. We are going to get testing done!!! I am just trying to cope with everything, with my four loss...trying to physically recover and get through the holidays
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My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11


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