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I am not sure what to do with myself


Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  #1  
March 12th, 2014, 05:39 PM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,207
I don't really belong here, since we decided we won't be TTC again, and once I am done with this miscarriage I will be getting either a tubal or Essure.

I am an emotional wreck, still bleeding from the m/c.

Wanted to have a baby girl and don't know if I really can handle getting fixed.

I am a mess.
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  #2  
March 12th, 2014, 06:17 PM
isaroo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Arizona
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I'm sorry, Hon! Is there any way to get your hubby to change his mind? If there is, I'd hold off of the tubal. I hope your bleeding stops soon!
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  #3  
March 12th, 2014, 06:26 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 907
((HUGS)). I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of these decisions while still going through an extremely emotional and challenging time.
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  #4  
March 12th, 2014, 07:07 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,547
I am in no way trying to tell you what to do BUT you should research getting a tubal. It causes all kinds of problems for women. I know because I had one when I was 21 (and had a tubal reversal a little over 2 years ago) and it caused me all kinds of problems. 3 different times I had very heavy bleeding ( I would soak a super plus tampon in 15 minutes or less several times a day) and I would bleed for 3 weeks at a time...one time my blood count got really low and I came close to having to have a blood transfusion. I had to miss work two of those times to keep my feet up so I wouldn't bleed as heavily. In 2002 an OB I had been referred to (because my regular dr didn't know what to do for me anymore) wanted to remove my uterus. I was only 31 and I flat out refused; he only wanted to do it because of the bleeding. I had to be on BCP all three times to get the bleeding to stop.

There are other serious side effects besides this one. Also it is much better for a man to have a vasectomy than a woman to have a tubal so if you guys are for sure you don't want any more he should get snipped. BUT if you are really not ready to stop ttc then don't do it. I regret that I got mine done so long ago and I only did it because I was young and stupid and afraid my now ex hubs would be mad if I didn't do it. BUT it was my body so it should have been my choice NOT HIS.

I am not trying to make you feel bad about this at all but there are other women who have had bad effects from tubal reversals. I will be praying for you no matter what you decide to do
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  #5  
March 12th, 2014, 07:16 PM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,207
we've talked at length about this, I am hoping the essure is covered, but if it isnt the tubal is the option I have.

My dh refuses to get a vasectomy, he will also refuse to hace sex with me, and I can not do homonal bc. FAM works great, but I know I can't trust myself to be honest about when I am O'ing.

as much as I am torn about doing something permanent, I can not do another m/c. I don't want any more boys and I will be 35 the end of the month. My head is telling me with my age and other risk factors we should be done.
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  #6  
March 22nd, 2014, 06:11 PM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
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My advice is don't do anything permanent if there is even a 1% chance your not sure. After a loss your emotions are so raw... it's honestly best to not make any important decisions right away.. That being said only you know what is best/right for you. Praying your decision comes to you soon!
doremi and 3Sapphires like this.
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  #7  
March 26th, 2014, 12:19 AM
doremi's Avatar Team Blue Mama of Two
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I completely agree with Katie. You need to be completely sure you are done. I would give it some time before making a permanent decision. That being said, if you are dead set on not wanting another boy, I personally don't think it is fair to TTC again. What if you had another boy? Has adoption ever entered into conversation? I'm so very sorry about your most recent m/c.
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  #8  
March 26th, 2014, 11:18 AM
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The only thing I have to say is what the others have said. Wait until you are emotionally better from your m/c to make any decisions. Even if you come to the same one, you will at least know that you didn't make the decision in haste. I also agree with doremi, if you were to get pregnant with another boy, what would happen? How would you react/act towards that baby? Perhaps adoption would be a great option? In any case, I hope that you come to peace with whatever you decide. Hugs!!
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  #9  
March 26th, 2014, 01:21 PM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
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I adapted to my other boys, even though I really wanted a girl. So in reality another boy would be fine.

I as torn before we got pregnant about having more. So I don't see that changing.

I don't see myself as a parent who can adopt. not to mention the logistical nightmare as an adopted child is not allowed to share a room with a sibling of a different sex, and the money. And I just don't want to adopt.
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FF Chart**CrazyAmiCrochet**
Missing Our Angels gone too soon 6/5/10 & 3/1/14
Adam Michael 9/22/06 (c-section)~Nathan Joseph 9/4/08 (VBAC)~Lincoln Thomas 9/5/12 (VBAC)



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  #10  
March 28th, 2014, 11:15 AM
ladytack's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mid Michigan
Posts: 344
Hi...I'm so sorry for your loss. Maybe you already talked about this, but is Mirena or similar an option for you? They are non-hormonal. I hope that you give yourself time to heal and reflect before you do anything permanent, because in your heart it sounds like you are not really ready to be done trying! And 35 is not too old to keep trying. It better not be, anyway! I'm almost there. Take care of yourself.
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  #11  
March 28th, 2014, 12:29 PM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,207
Meirena is actually hormonal, copper IUD is nonhormonal, but I don't agree with IUD on a moral level.

no, this BC is going to have to be all or nothing. as of now I am leaning toward nothing. but out health insurance is changing and it looks like it may be too expensive to physically birth a baby, so I still don't know.
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**
FF Chart**CrazyAmiCrochet**
Missing Our Angels gone too soon 6/5/10 & 3/1/14
Adam Michael 9/22/06 (c-section)~Nathan Joseph 9/4/08 (VBAC)~Lincoln Thomas 9/5/12 (VBAC)



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  #12  
March 28th, 2014, 03:53 PM
ladytack's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mid Michigan
Posts: 344
Oh okay sorry, I don't know much about IUDs as they creep me out
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Me (Ekko): newly 35 and AMA on the front of my chart
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Angel Babies
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