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Doesn't it drive you crazy when...


Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  #1  
May 10th, 2014, 09:20 AM
Preemie Momma
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Keokuk, IA
Posts: 148
A mother of three (with no problems) is talking to you, hears that you're trying, and immediately begins telling you the best ways to get pg? In my case, the woman said, "The best time to DTD is the week after AF." I merely smiled as I heard my husband scoff a bit under his breath. The week after my AF is NOT the best time for us. I didn't O until day 23 of my cycle last month and had stopped my AF on day 4. Huge difference in days there. My husband scoffed because he's gotten to the point where he's a bit sick of people doing this too. He knows it makes me feel like crap and we're both in the same mindset of: Oh really? We should just calm down, DTD and we'll have a baby?! I can't believe it's THAT SIMPLE!


Fertile mothers have no friggin clue. It doesn't mean they're bad, nor that their trying to be insensitive when they give out their advice- in their eyes, they are trying to be as helpful as possible because they know that children are a joy. But, because (in my case) they never ask if you're having fertility problems, they just seem to assume we're not DTD on the right days. They just don't understand the testing and testing, the poking and prodding, the waking up to temp, all of that and more. All it took for them was just getting it on.


They may read about what we go through, or even hear about it through a friend, but unless it happens to them (or a VERY close family member), they'll never understand. My mother had no fertility problems at all, and she thought I'd be fine too. Now, she sees all the stress and hurt I feel about the situation and she can finally understand what it means to be infertile. I just wish all the other women with their crazy suggestions got it too. Cause it gets old trying to explain that 'my junk' is broken.
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BFP #1: 6/11- delivered 12/25/10 @ 28 weeks, now 3
BFP #2: 1/13- miscarried at week 6
BFP #3: 2/14- miscarriage at week 7









Thanks MommaDuck's for my GORGEOUS Siggy!!!


Thanks to Kerian for this wonderful blinkie!
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  #2  
May 10th, 2014, 03:13 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 895
I feel the same way. My mom and 2 sisters are Fertile Myrtles. It is so difficult being the only one that struggles. My younger sister is pretty supportive. My mom and twin sister are so opinionated and even made me feel bad for choosing to have my lap and HSG done. Of course they did discover endo and blocked tubes so I am glad I had it done. I would just like some support.

It's the same when it comes to loss. Someone I used to work with actually said to me 'when you're a mom you will understand.' That was about 2 months after we lost our first son at 19 weeks. Obviously she knew about our loss, even knew his name. I actually walked away crying. After all, a loss mom has endured the worse pain am other came experience.


So yes, unless one has experienced something, they will never fully understand the magnitude of loss or IF.
__________________
BFP#1: 8/11, DS born sleeping at 19 weeks
BFP#2: 5/12, our rainbow, DS born 1/4/13
BFP#3: 11/13, missed miscarriage discovered at 10 weeks
BFP#4: 5/17, EDD 1/15/15, praying this is our second rainbow
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  #3  
May 12th, 2014, 09:49 PM
Preemie Momma
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Keokuk, IA
Posts: 148
I wish I could slap that woman for you. Lol. Seriously though, I hate that you dealt with that. That's why I love this board so much. You all feel like family to me, even if I don't know your names. You see me for what I'm going through because you've been through it yourselves. You don't make stupid assumptions based off of 'the norm.' I guess I'm just unpleasantly surprised that, despite the large amount of women battling infertility and loss, that so many women can be so **** insensitive towards the subject. My heart hurts when I read a post on the board about someone else's loss. I genuinely cry for them, and I'm not an emotional person typically. I would literally give all of my limbs to end infertility and loss, and babies being born too early for everyone... because it's a pain I really wish no one ever had to go through. And mothers who already have children are the ones you'd expect to be most sensitive about it because they have the joy of children, and most of them couldn't imagine their lives without their kids... so why everyone seems so callous just blows my mind.

Most of my family knows about my problem now, but there are still some that don't. We still get asked when we're going to try to give Amaya a sibling. I get it. They don't know, but if they just re-worded the question to say "Have you started trying for another baby?" Then I could handle it much better because it gives me the opening to say that we have, but have had difficulties instead of just making me feel like crap having to awkwardly explain the situation. Something as simple as changing how you say something could make all the difference...
__________________
BFP #1: 6/11- delivered 12/25/10 @ 28 weeks, now 3
BFP #2: 1/13- miscarried at week 6
BFP #3: 2/14- miscarriage at week 7









Thanks MommaDuck's for my GORGEOUS Siggy!!!


Thanks to Kerian for this wonderful blinkie!
Reply With Quote
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