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Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss

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  #1  
August 14th, 2014, 07:16 AM
1st time mom
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 931
Hi.. I recently found out that I am having a miscarriage. I am 9 weeks along but I started bleeding two days ago and then got two ultrasounds to confirm no heartbeat. I go in tomorrow for a D&C and want to know what to expect. All I Can ever do is cry. I was told that I will be awake, but out of it and not know anything or feel anything. Will I see it happen? I know I'll just ball crying the whole time.

We want to start trying again as soon as we can. We really wanted another baby.. But what people don't seem to understand is that I wanted specifically THAT baby. That was my baby. And even though we want to try again, I feel like I need to honor this baby somehow. I feel like when I do get pregnant I will spend the whole time feeling guilty that I lost and even feel like I'm replacing this baby. Anyways.. I just thought you ladies would understand.
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  #2  
August 14th, 2014, 08:22 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 563
Hi. So sorry for your loos. I also had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in mid July. Its truly heart breaking. I don't have any advice for you regarding the D&C as mine happened naturally.
However, I have found that talking about & just acknowledging the baby has helped a lot, even if you hadn't really told people you were pregnant yet. Some of my friends didn't even know we were pregnant until after the loss had occured.

Did they ever give you an ultrasound picture? Maybe you could frame it or put it in a picture album? Or maybe plant a tree in honor of your baby?

I really hope your procedure goes smoothly and that you heal quickly and get your rainbow baby soon.
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  #3  
August 15th, 2014, 06:22 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,409
both my missed miscarriages were at 9 weeks also. I did pass them both naturally, so don't have any experience with a D&C.

I named our babies, I thought it was important to recognize them, they are part of my family, I just can't be with them right now.

I also have Christmas ornaments for them (well I still have to order the one from this year, but I was waiting till closer to Christmas).

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1731243...w_type=gallery

I also have a snow globe with an angel in it that I wrote their dates on, and I made an origami owl type necklace with my boys birthstones on the inside and 2 dangles on the outside for my angels.

It is totally ok to mourn your baby, you do not have to "get over it". losing a baby is not something you get over.

((hugs)) I am very sorry for your loss.
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  #4  
August 15th, 2014, 01:40 PM
1st time mom
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 931
Thank you ladies. I'm home from the hospital after getting the D&C today. I think those are some beautiful ideas that you listed.. I am going to do something really special but I'm not sure what yet. Me and my husband are getting some balloons today and we are going to have a simple service as a family and then send the balloons flying. But I want something I can look at and hold onto while I wait to hold my baby. And we will be trying again for another when we get the ok to do so.
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  #5  
August 16th, 2014, 08:51 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 159
I had a D&C the same day you did...our first baby and first loss. I was supposed to be 12 weeks but baby passed at 9 weeks. I opted for the procedure because it had already been 3 weeks with no bleeding or cramping at all. I love your balloon idea! I plan on making a mini scrapbook with ultrasound pics, armband from procedure, appointment cards, etc. I think remembering is important too.Hugs to you! There is hope but I know how hard it is right now.
-Lizzie
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  #6  
August 16th, 2014, 10:10 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 7,770
I am sorry for your loss, and I hope your surgery went smoothly. I had a missed miscarriage back in 2011. I found out at almost 12 weeks that my twins had passed almost a month prior. I thought it best to wait three cycles to try again, but my doctor said I could try immediately. Three months after, I conceived first try. April 3rd ovulation, baby due Christmas Day! I was a little excited, kind of sedate because I just had a loss that I still cry over. Just 3 days into that pregnancy, I lost it. So I went on to try again that miscarriage cycle, and low and behold fell pregnant again.

I knew immediately but waited till I was late, and as expected got that BFP. I was not at all excited, and I did not think a lot about the new baby, I just thought about the ones I lost. And how this new baby wasn't them. I wanted THEM. I still want them. I love my daughter, of course, but I could not bond while pregnant. I had to meet her, and she is the coolest kid now. I couldn't imagine having any other child. =)

You'll probably always miss your baby, but you will love your others just as much. I hope your recovery is speedy, and you get your rainbow baby soon. ♥
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  #7  
August 17th, 2014, 06:20 AM
jes81878's Avatar Jennifer
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Burlington, KY
Posts: 613
Last April, we were thrilled to be pregnant, but sadly, it was an ectopic and I lost my left tube and the baby. We both took it hard. My husband went to Build a Bear and made "our baby". He put thought into what he choose and the cutest thing he did was he left the shoes untied (because I'm always fussing at him to tie his shoes and he just knew our baby wasn't going to tie his/her shoes). It really helped me a lot having something that visually represented our baby...that I could hug and kiss.

We did IVF and have 6 month old twins now, and I love them with everything in me. I still miss my baby, cry at times, and remember my due date. I think when a mother loses a child (no matter how young/old) it's a loss that is never forgotten.
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Jennifer 34 (tubal factor and lost my left tube from ectopic)
Andres 34 (perfect SA)
My Son 10
My Son 13
Husband no bio/children (but the best father ever to my two boys)
TTC for 4 years
IVF in June 2013 (BFP)
1st Beta (10dp5dt) #761

Boy/Girl Twins

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