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so when i first started really bleeding i e-mailed my friend of 12 years to tell her how upset i was. she lives across the country from me (i'm in british columbia, she's in ontario) and it's hard to get ahold of her so i just e-mailed her and figured she'd call as soon as she read it. well that was a week and a half ago...no e-mail back and no phone call. so today i finally decide to call HER and see if maybe she never received the e-mail. well i find out that she did indeed get the e-mail, and she just said she didnt call or write back cuz she didn't know what to say. now i understand that it's hard to know what to say to someone who's had a m/c, i have known ppl who did and i had a hard time knowing what was appropriate. but she's my best friend for 12 years, we talk about EVERYTHING and know everything about eachother, even super personal things. it's not like i expect her to say anything at all, just maybe call and see how i'm doing, u know?
then to make it even worse, when i told her that we hope to start TTCing after i have 1 normal AF, she actually said that that was "stupid" and that we should wait 6 mos. i told her i was ready now, and then she even went on to say that we should wait to have kids for another several YEARS, cuz we're so young (i'm almost 22, DH is 23) and we will "lose our freedom". it's hard to relate to her anymore, cuz she's in the phase of her life where she dates tons of guys and goes out and stuff. i did that too and it just happened i found my soulmate earlier than a lot of ppl do. it just really hurt to hear the person u expect the most support from tell you ur foolish and make u feel like sh*t. sorry this is so long, i am just bewildered by ppl sometimes. anways thanks for listening.
so sorry you went thru that hon.i think its hard for others who haven't been thru it,especially when you tell them and they either dont know what to say or they say " well u weren't THAT PG" so it won't be any different. it hurts i know where u are commin from. hugs to you.
It sucks when people are like that. DH and I were talking about that tonight. It's taken me months to finally feel like i'm coming out of the storm of emotions from my april miscarriage....I have had friends do some horribly unthoughtful things. I had someone tell me it was Good that we MC b/c that meant he and I could "have fun" still. I had to inform them that "having fun" wasn't the same thing for me as it was for them. It is hard to be young, married, and mature....stick around here and you'll have plenty of women who understand how much this sucks!
I can totally relate...ppl just say the stupidest things sometimes. My best friend and I have known each other for about seven years now and in fear that she would more over hurt me than help me I just did not even tell her about me being pg so I didn't have to tell her about the m/c. It would have been hard and she probably would have expected me to move on. Sometimes the ones whom we think are going to help us more over just make us feel bad. Every one cannot understand that is why.
__________________ The day I lost my little angel, even heaven cried...
I totally understand, you think the people who know you the most turn out to be so stupid (lol), my friends have said the dumbest thing to me, the worst was you should get yourself checked to see what is wrong with you. Like I don't already know that I need you to tell me that, when you weren't even trying got pregnant, smoked all 9 months and had a healthy baby, not that I am being envious about it, just common sence. But it does get better as the days go on. Don't let things people say or don't say for that matter bother you, because it happens every day whether we know it or not. Hang in there.
__________________ http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics<param name="AllowScriptAccess" value="never" /><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.blingyblob.com/countdown/countdown.swf?tyear1=2006&tmonth1=6&tday1=25&thour s1=0&tminutes1=0&event=Mario Jr. is born&clr=0x0033FF&tseconds1=0"> <PARAM NAME=loop VALUE=false> <PARAM NAME=menu VALUE=false> <PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high> <PARAM NAME=bgcolor VALUE=0x0033FF> <EMBED src="http://www.blingyblob.com/countdown/countdown.swf?tyear1=2006&tmonth1=6&tday1=25&thour s1=0&tminutes1=0&event=Mario Jr. is born&clr=0x0033FF&tseconds1=0" loop=false menu=false quality=high bgcolor=0 WIDTH="257" HEIGHT="160" NAME="a" ALIGN="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></EMBED> Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com
i know that a lot of ppl cannot understand, i don't expect them to understand, i didn't fully grasp what it was like to m/c until it happened to me...i don't expect her to know exactly how i feel, but when you know that someone you love who's been ur friend for 12 yrs is in PAIN, no matter what that pain is about, you'd think you could at least call, i don't expect a big speech from her about how she empathizes, just a "jeez, i'm really sorry, i don't know what to say..." would be enough, just to SHOW that you care u know? i supported her while she was in a really bad relationship with a guy that treated her like crap for 2 yrs and she just let him...i didn't understand why she tolerated it but even in my not understanding, i stood by her. sorry, i am still venting, i guess i just expected more from her than everyone else i know. thanks for the support tho, guys, seriously, i don't know what i'd do without you!
Hey Rae, I know how you're feeling. I posted a few weeks ago about how this has affected my relationship with my best friend of 25 yrs (I'm 31) She is due in Jan and when she told me (I'm in NY, she's in SC) I was fine until I hung up & then I just lost it. I emailed her and explained how painful this was for me, how I just couldn't help feeling that it wasn't fair, we were supposed to be preg together, etc. I called her 2 days later and left a message saying that I was sorry but that I just had to be honest with her & I did want to be a part of her pregnancy...she emailed me back that we were okay and she would call me in the next day or 2. That was 2 weeks ago. I don't understand either. Is she scared to talk to me? It's like when someone has cancer or is really sick, people just don't want to talk about it...they're uncomfortable. Maybe they think we need space or something? She was extremely supportive and understanding when I first m/c'd but now that she's preg, it's like I don't exist anymore...oops, this has turned into my vent You're not alone, just try to focus on feeling better, take care
Angel~9/12/05~with us for 5 weeks</span></span></span>
im sorry rachel. it was very inconsiderate of her not to call or respond to your email..a simple "im sorry and im here for you" would of been nice!..as for the " your stupid for wanting to have kids now" bit, sounds to me someone is a bit jealous of you being so settled --most the time thats the case so just hang in there and count the days until you can ttc, i hope you get pregnant right away!..oh and i wouldnt even tell her if i were you..id let her feel like $hit one day when she finds out and when she asks why you didnt tell her just say.." i didnt know what to say" =0)~
I am sorry about your friend too. I know exactly what you are going through. I actually lost a best friend right after my m/c. I've been off and on depressed and she didn't even seem to care about my m/c. I told her off one day (in a nice way!) and we haven't really talked since. Sad, but I actually feel better now.
wow, reading ur guy's posts is surprising to see how many others had so-called "best friends" being totally unsupportive during a really hard time. yeah, daniellea, it's funny you should say u think she's jealous...i've had like 3 other ppl say that too, and it kinda makes sense. she has said to me in the past how much she wishes she could have just found someone early on like me and just been with one person like i am, whereas she jumps from one screwed up r/s to another. i really don't want to tell her when i get pg again, which is sad cuz she was always the first to know anything going on with me. i am sorry to hear about ur experiences LouLouMom and hopin4a4rth, i guess there is such a thing as "fairweather friends", the ones that only wanna be involved in ur life when everything's fine. oh well, we don't need to have such negative ppl around us anyways! so there! lol!
Your post not only caught my eye cuz I too have a less than supportive friend who I had to hang up on more than once after going thru my misscariage....But I'm in Ontario too! Brampton... and, moving to BC, next month--Kamloops....
cheer up...perhaps jealousy of what you have, distance may be a factor...but I would feel just as disappointed if that had happened to me.
pyungtaekgirl, that is cool that u are moving out here, you will LOVE it!!! no more opressive humidity in the summer and nice mild winters. there is so much to do and see out here, i have lived here a year and have barely scratched the surface. i grew up in London, i'm sure u know where that is. i haven't been to Kamloops, i hear it's really nice, we live in surrey (lower mainland)...we are hopefully going to move to New Westminster soon, it's closer to Vancouver and to both of our jobs, we picked surrey when we got out here cuz the rent was cheap and we were homeless lol.