[Ava+Bryce's_Mommy]

Has TTC and the pain of losing you baby ever affected your relationship or you and your DH or SO to the point where you just want to give up and call it quits.....?? I'm soooo tired of having to explain to him why I feel the way I feel....and he still doesnt care or understand me. I feel like he should feel somewhat, but not exactly the same as I do...is that too much to ask...honestly???

I need some advice ladies...I really do....I'm at my breaking point....I cant go on feeling like I'm in this alone...I feel like I dont even have my husband to turn to for comfort and it hurts soo bad.

He has 2 children from a previous marriage, and I have none.....he thinks getting pregnant just "happens" all by itself....without even trying....well, it did for him in the past....but it's different now....he just dont understand or care enough to get it.

What do I do?? What do I say??? This is completely ruining our relationship! And I dont want that....I love him very much and I know he loves me just the same....but how do I cope with this....I'm hurting deeply!

[baby4me?]

I am so sorry hon. My DH and I had a very difficult time after the first m/c. He was able to move on much quicker than i was after the m/c and it really hurt me and made me angry. It was really rough for a while. I was very concerned about our relationship. Plus, I think most men actually believe getting pregnant just happens easily for everyone. He was really scared to start trying again because I can get a little obssessive and emotional about TTC. What helped us was that we actually went to a counselor. She talked to us about how I needed to be able to mourn the loss of our angels... she told me to cry when I needed too, but to keep going- get up, shower, go to work, etc. and that DH needs to let me mourn. And that protecting ourselves is normal... I felt like I needed to stay away from pregnant women for a while because it made me crazy. Of course you can't hide forever!! She also made me realize that DH is allowed to have his feelings no matter what they are. He is a man and isn't going to feel the same.

Oh... One big issue we had was that DH didn't know what to do with me after the m/c. I was so sad and he wanted to make me better. So, he avoided talking about it... or tried to say reassuring things. I thought that since he could talk about work like nothing was going on that it didn't matter much to him that we lost our baby. Of course this fueled my anger towards him and my anger and sadness frustrated him. He thought I should be able to get over it more quickly. My counselor said that I need to be able to mourn... if not, it may drag out my depression. She also helped us figure out what i needed when I was feeling really sad about baby stuff. For me, it helped to be able to talk with DH and for him to just listen and hold me if I wanted him too. Everyone is different though... you have to find out what works for both of you.

It does get better though... keep trying to talk to DH. Talk to him not when you are feeling super emotional and sad, but also when you are able to think more clearly and express yourself a little better. I know I would get so emotional at times that I would just stay up half the night crying and would be sooo angry and just couldn't think straight. Also, try not to bottle things in. If I start to feel sad about baby stuff i try to talk about it quickly. even little things like, today we got some samples of formula in the mail... I told him how it sucks i keep getting all this baby stuff because our EDD would have been April.

Last thing, i am also currently taking medicaiton for depression and I think it really helps. If it is too hard for you to deal with emotionally, don't think you can't seek medical or pyschological help.

[Ava+Bryce's_Mommy]

Thank you soo much Amanda!! I just bawled my eyes out....I'm soo emotional right now....I feel like I just cant go on....but I know I have to.
Thanks for being there and helping me see some light at the end of the tunnel!

[baby4me?]

Heather,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I remember how sad I have felt at times so my heart goes out to you. I think what you are feeling is completely normal... but even though it is normal you can't expect anyone else who hasn't gone through the same experience to understand (even our husbands). I really hope you feel better soon. I can tell you that I felt pretty bad for a long time, but I have been feeling a little better lately.

[Ava+Bryce's_Mommy]

Heather,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I remember how sad I have felt at times so my heart goes out to you. I think what you are feeling is completely normal... but even though it is normal you can't expect anyone else who hasn't gone through the same experience to understand (even our husbands). I really hope you feel better soon. I can tell you that I felt pretty bad for a long time, but I have been feeling a little better lately.[/b]

I do feel alot better this afternoon....a good friend of mine that I work with and sorta look up to like a mother for me...had a still birth several years ago...and we got to talk today about how I feel, and it's really helped me alot. Cause I know for a fact she understands what I'm going through and how I feel. I love my husband very much and I know he cares too, but it's not the same....he called me today and we're sitting down tonight to have a one on one talk about our feelings and how we both feel and I think that will help us both alot!!! Thanks for your advice it matter sooo much to me!!!