How do you cope?

maddie02 · #1 April 9th, 2007, 08:23 AM

I am doing all the things that I can't do when I'm pregnant. I'm dieting and exercising more vigorously. I'm doing treatments like pedicures and manicures. Today I am going to the tanning bed and bleaching my teeth

What do you do to stay busy and keep your mind off of the ever-present TTC thoughts????

tparum · #2 April 9th, 2007, 08:39 AM

well after my 3 pg losses i would keep myself busy by reading and all. but u gotta take care of ur feelings when u need to cry go ahead and cry when u need to and if u need to talk please do we are all here for ya.

baby4me? · #3 April 9th, 2007, 09:00 AM

I agree that you need to make sure not to ignore your feelings and to talk with someone... DH and I started seeing a counselor after our first loss. It has helped a lot. But it's also not good to sit around and dwell on your loss. I had my second loss while on Christmas break (I work in a school) and my counselor told us to find something fun to do every day. That way i have something to look forward too and not sitting around the house. I got a pedicure, my hair colored and cut, went shopping, bought some new clothes, and painted our basement. It actually helped a lot! I find that keeping busy helps me. I also need something to look forward too... DH and I also started planning our summer vacation. We are going camping for a whole month this summer and we would research were we would go and what we would do.

If you need to talk, we are here for you!

maddie02 · #4 April 9th, 2007, 11:13 AM

Thank you. Believe me, I spent Saturday grieving ALL day. I cried my eyes out. I will still get upset whenever I see a baby or a pregnant woman, but all I can do is try to be strong. I'm optimistic that the next time I get pregnant it will stick and I will get to experience all the things I've been dreaming about for so long. I trust in God and it will happen when the time is right. Something about this last pregnancy told me not to get my hopes up too much. I kept getting faint positives even several days after the first one and even after the doctor's office confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, I still had this gut feeling that it wasn't going to work out. I don't know why, but I just knew. Did any of you feel that way, too?

baby4me? · #5 April 9th, 2007, 12:49 PM

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with the first... I was soo happy. I never thought I would be someone who would have a m/c. Of course I wasn't pregnant very long... we had spotting right away and a week later I m/c. With the 2nd one, I scared out of my mind, but happy again. DH and I thought that we wouldn't be people who had 2 m/c's in a row (only 1 in 20 women)... we thought the odds of having a healthy pregnancy were in our favor... we were wrong again. Now we think... 3 m/c's in a row only happen to 1 in 100 women, so the odds have to be in our favor... but again I don't know how much that logic will win out.

maddie02 · #6 April 9th, 2007, 02:08 PM

Quote:

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with the first... I was soo happy. I never thought I would be someone who would have a m/c. Of course I wasn't pregnant very long... we had spotting right away and a week later I m/c. With the 2nd one, I scared out of my mind, but happy again. DH and I thought that we wouldn't be people who had 2 m/c's in a row (only 1 in 20 women)... we thought the odds of having a healthy pregnancy were in our favor... we were wrong again. Now we think... 3 m/c's in a row only happen to 1 in 100 women, so the odds have to be in our favor... but again I don't know how much that logic will win out.[/b]

So sorry it happened to you twice. I think I will probably see a specialist if it happens again. A close friend of mine had it happen twice and went to a fertility specialist. He told her that many women miscarry with the first pregnancy very early because their bodies are not used to the hormone changes. He said many of them go on to have healthy pregnancies after one or even two miscarriages. I think the odds are definitely in your favor! Don't give up hope!! We have to just keep on trying

Don't you think it will be so worth it in the end when we have our babies? I think it will make all the past hurts melt away. Maybe the pain won't be completely gone, but we will be happy again

greenchild · #7 April 9th, 2007, 02:27 PM

I try to stay busy and the remodel project is helping alot with that. Demolition is very good therapy! But I still have a very hard time seeing pg women or women with small children and the baby dept's in stores. I'm even starting to not want to see my sister just bc she has 2 kids, which is completely stupid. She had a m/c between her kids so she knows, KWIM?

maddie02 · #8 April 9th, 2007, 02:33 PM

Quote:

I try to stay busy and the remodel project is helping alot with that. Demolition is very good therapy! But I still have a very hard time seeing pg women or women with small children and the baby dept's in stores. I'm even starting to not want to see my sister just bc she has 2 kids, which is completely stupid. She had a m/c between her kids so she knows, KWIM?[/b]

I totally understand not wanting to see people with children. There are friends that I avoid because they have small children or are pregnant. I know it's wrong, but I just can't help myself!! I bawl at commercials with children. I was even watching a movie the other day where a mother was hugging her daughter (a daughter who was a grown adult, by the way) and I started crying because I wanted a daughter, too. My husband thinks something might be wrong with me.

greenchild · #9 April 9th, 2007, 03:02 PM

There is nothing wrong with you! Men!

They process grief differently. My DH has been very supportive of me, but I can't tell where he is with all of this bc he never wants to talk about HIS feelings.
I still have a really hard time whenever I see a dad hugging a daughter, whether it's real life or TV, and my dad's been gone now for 6 years, but I still have a hard time.

maddie02 · #10 April 9th, 2007, 03:08 PM

Quote:

There is nothing wrong with you! Men!

They process grief differently. My DH has been very supportive of me, but I can't tell where he is with all of this bc he never wants to talk about HIS feelings.
I still have a really hard time whenever I see a dad hugging a daughter, whether it's real life or TV, and my dad's been gone now for 6 years, but I still have a hard time.

[/b]

Sorry about your dad. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to one of my parents. It's one of the things in life I dread. I know it has to come eventually, but there's no way to prepare for it. I am lucky. My real dad left us, but I have had a stepfather since I was 8 years old that I consider my father.

Brittanie · #11 April 9th, 2007, 03:13 PM

It's been almost a year since I lost my Cora (I can't believe it!!!), and I still struggle seeing women with brand new babies. Or women who are very pregnant and excited. Even though I am pregnant again, I can't be excited like they are and that just hurts. So I would say it's normal. I hated every woman I saw for the longest time (you know, the ones who were pg, had little babies, or any children at all).

Even if they didn't have kids, I hated them for not hurting as much as I was.

I made it a policy to get out of my bed, get showered & dressed, and leave my apartment every day. If I didn't, I think I would have just stayed in bed for days on end.

You know what? I haven't lost my father, but men with their daughters hurts me to see too. Maybe because I have one picture of my husband with his daughter and it's probably the most tragic picture of them all. I was looking forward to seeing DH with his baby girl, and that got torn away from us. Ugh. It's hard to deal with, and sometimes it still takes my breath away and brings me to tears.

But it DOES get better! It DOES get easier to handle. You'll realize one day that you've had 5 good days out of a week and only 2 bad days and you'll wonder when you started to heal. But it happens.

to you!

maddie02 · #12 April 9th, 2007, 03:26 PM

Quote:

It's been almost a year since I lost my Cora (I can't believe it!!!), and I still struggle seeing women with brand new babies. Or women who are very pregnant and excited. Even though I am pregnant again, I can't be excited like they are and that just hurts. So I would say it's normal. I hated every woman I saw for the longest time (you know, the ones who were pg, had little babies, or any children at all).

Even if they didn't have kids, I hated them for not hurting as much as I was.

I made it a policy to get out of my bed, get showered & dressed, and leave my apartment every day. If I didn't, I think I would have just stayed in bed for days on end.

You know what? I haven't lost my father, but men with their daughters hurts me to see too. Maybe because I have one picture of my husband with his daughter and it's probably the most tragic picture of them all. I was looking forward to seeing DH with his baby girl, and that got torn away from us. Ugh. It's hard to deal with, and sometimes it still takes my breath away and brings me to tears.

But it DOES get better! It DOES get easier to handle. You'll realize one day that you've had 5 good days out of a week and only 2 bad days and you'll wonder when you started to heal. But it happens.

to you![/b]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine the pain you must have had to endure. I admire your strength.