[dlrich]

**Also Posted on TTC**

Women with early losses... please respond to this post so I can share it with my DH who seems to think that I shouldn't have a single feeling about this, or that at least he shouldn't have to hear about it or be supportive of me in any way.

Ok,
So I was pregnant... for a few days. Just enough days to get my hormones going, to have some symptoms, to get a bit excited and to begin daydreaming what this child might be like. DH was out of town, and before I had a chance to suprise him with the good news, I started bleeding. I tested for 4 days and watched the positive line get lighter and lighter, all the while feeling my body struggling through this. After 2 days of very light bleeding it just stopped, so I began to get hopeful again. I had a beta drawn on Monday and by Tuesday I learned that I'm no longer pregnant. DH came home tonight and I gave him the sad news and one statement of his seemed to sum up his whole attitude "It's not like it was a real loss... it's not like it was even alive".

Ok, in a very hyper-logical sense, I get it. True, I was probably just 12 - 14 days pregnant and the embryo was probably nothing more than a mass of cells just beginning to differentiate. Yet, to me, it's only natural that there's some sense of loss. On a very visceral level I have felt my body struggling with this loss.... feeling so pregnant, and then "just not" and I still have the feeling that all of what was this little bean has not passed yet. Emotionally, it's been a roller coaster as I've oscillated from feeling hopeful that this might have just been implantation bleeding, to feeling hopeless that this pregnancy would stick.

I understand the positives here... 1.) that at least this shows that we CAN conceive, 2.) that there had to be a good reason "nature's way" that this didn't stick and that 3.) at least this happened very early on. I get that this is not the end of the world and that we can have many more opportunities at success. At the same time is it completely odd or out of line that I feel sort of sad and disappointed about this and would just like a hug and some warmth from my husband???

To add insult to injury, DH let me know that he was tired of hearing about it.. (he thought I was obsessing because I called him early in the morning and several times while he was out of town when I had just gotten a BFP and was now bleeding). And, that now, since I've talked on and on about 'baby this' and 'baby that' for the last two weeks, he doesn't know if he even wants to have a baby with me.

I honestly don't know how much of this he really meant, or how much of it was said out of anger in the heat of the moment. Nonetheless, he couldn't have picked a worse time to tell me something like this. Here I've just given him the news about this loss, and he acts as if I'm hysterical if dare to have a feeling about it, and THEN he drops a bomb with "I don't know if I want to have a baby". He has a tendency to be insensitive like a lot of guys can be... but this is just above and beyond anything he's done in the past. After a long night of arguing, he shut down and refused to say a word and I finally told him that I felt betrayed, that I felt he was being intentionally cruel and I told him not to even so much as look at me until he's willing to find his heart and treat me with some compassion, love and respect. In the 7+ years I've known him, I don't think I've ever felt so angry, hurt and disappointed.

Ok, beyond simply ranting, the purpose of this post is to ask if any other women out there who have gone through similar very early pregnancy losses would be willing to post here and share their experiences so I can share these with DH. I'm extremely tired of being patronized and treated like an emotionally handicapped child every time I dare to have a feeling about anything and it's about time that I make this really clear to him. Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences with me.
Dlrich

[Never*Giving*Up]

Hey there my name is Emma, I am 23 years old and me and DH have been TTC for over 5 years and had a loss in june 06 at 6 weeks.

1.) that at least this shows that we CAN conceive[/b]

I have PCOS and was told I would never get pregnant without the help of drugs, so when we got pregnant without drugs we were so shocked, and lots of people have said this to me and it really makes me mad, yeah I CAN get pregnant but I wanted that baby, this was my 1st child and we wanted that baby for so long.

So I was pregnant... for a few days.[/b]

Whether you were pregnant for a few days or a whole 9 months you were still pregnant, I only knew I was Pregnant for a week but the bond I made with my baby was so strong, when I lost it that bond was and still is there.

3.) at least this happened very early on. I get that this is not the end of the world and that we can have many more opportunities at success.[/b]

It was the end of my world when I started bleeding that sunday night, My baby had gone and a part of me went to heaven with it. Yes it happened early on but does that mean I didn't love that child, yes we can have other children but thta was will always be my 1st baby.

And, that now, since I've talked on and on about 'baby this' and 'baby that' for the last two weeks,[/b]

Do you not have the right to talk about your child???
I still talk about my child and my loss happened nearly a years ago.

I honestly don't know how much of this he really meant,[/b]

Maybe this is his way of dealing with the loss.


I will be sending you some (((hugs))) I hope you sort things out with your husband and I am sorry for your loss.

[claire1979]

firstly hun can i just say im so sorry for your loss.

i ve had a early loss and a stillbirth while the stillbirth was and incredibly hard emotionaly and the worst thing i will ever have to go throu in my life emotionaly or physicaly the pain of my early loss...(m/c at 11 weeks ) dosent lessen. for the baby i lost at 11 weeks from the moment you learn you are pregnant you love your baby...i can understand you husband tho cause they dont have to be emotional attached as we do they didnt carry it or bond with it....my other half was different with my losses with my daughter he was with me watched my stomache grow and felt her move inside me...was there when i gave birth to her...but with the m/c he went to work and left me on my own to him he didnt bond and there was nothing he could do...but he didnt realize that he could be there for me ...hunnie you did have a loss no matter how early you were!

[greenchild]

I didn't get to be pg very for either of my losses, 1 week each time until I started bleeding (they were ectopic) and the knowledge that they were literally being removed thru surgery was awful, go in pg, hoping for a miracle, and coming out NOT pg.
It doesn't matter how early the loss was! You felt pg, got to experience being pg, and (unfortunately) experienced the loss of your baby. How can any hopeful mother NOT be emotional over that? I'm lucky in a couple respects, now we know we can conceive (we always thought DH would be unable to prior to the 1st one) and that he has been and still is very supportive. I think he probably thought I was weird for NOT crying right away with the loss of the 2nd one (I was too mad to cry!). I did cry eventually and he held me when he got home from work.
Just Monday even HE had a bad pg-related day . . . 3 women came into his workspace and bragged about their pg's, one nearing the end of her pg (she's the only one who knew what we've been thru), one newly pg, and another woman, and I guess they talked for quite awhile, he was so upset when he got home! And just FYI, a few years ago he was still adamant that he never wanted children.

I am so sorry for your loss and that your DH is being less than supportive! Sending you lots of

[1walks3soar]

I am so sorry for your loss (and it IS a loss).

When you lose a pregnancy (no matter how early), you've lost not only that baby, but also all the hopes and dreams that were triggered the moment you tested positive. It is the future that was lost... what COULD have been.

Here's a poem I found online (don't know the author) that I think expresses this beautifully:

Sisterhood of Sadness

Author Unknown

"I was once a member of the Pregnancy Club, my membership card consisting of two pink lines on a stick. I was eager to pay my dues, just like all the other members. Morning sickness, stretch marks, cravings -- I welcomed them all.

But they never came. And before I knew it, my membership was revoked. No real reason -- at least none I could discern -- other than bad timing, perhaps. Or, at least, that's what everyone's been telling me. That and "God's plan."

Miscarriage is a terrible word. As if one has dropped something, or carried something incorrectly. Similar to "mistake" or "misunderstanding." How I longed for it to be either of those things when I learned my baby was gone. Surely, it was a mistake, I prayed. If they would just look again, they would learn it was all a simple misunderstanding.

But the ultrasound screen showed otherwise.

1 out of every 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, say the books. That statistic terrified me when I was pregnant. So many lost babies, I thought. How can I keep mine from being one of them? But now that mine is one of them, that 1 out of 5 seems awfully small.

Or, at least, it did. Until soft-speaking female voices started whispering to me in my grief, "It happened to me, too." Their eyes told me the stories of the pain that we shared, the pain that only a woman who has carried a child - and lost it - could know. For some, it was fresh pain. For others, it was dulled by healthy babies since born.

A sisterhood of sadness.

It's a silent group, this new club of which I have recently become a reluctant member. Our membership cards are the scars we will always carry on our hearts. Our dues are paid in blood and tears. It is a painful initiation, and one never ceases membership. Because one never forgets.

I am joining, not because I want to, but because I wasn't given the choice. But at least I know I'm not alone. At least I know there are hundreds of thousands of women with me, however silent and invisible, quietly holding my hand."

[tparum]

first off im so sry for ur loss. and i know u said for the ladies w/eairly losses to reply but i had to say something.

this is how i feel no matter if u were just pg. for a few days or the whole nine mos. and u experience the loss of a pregnancy it is a liable pregnancy i dont care how early it was that u lost it its still considered a loss.

[BabyBird]

First I am so sorry for your loss. Second I agree with the other girls that a loss is a loss regardless of how far along you are. However, I can see where your DH is coming from. My DH never seemed too sad about our loss...more just worried about me. I told him once that I was upset that he wasn't very upset about it. He told me that he just felt like he hadn't really gotten attatched to it because he couldn't feel anything different. It made me sad because I felt completely attatched to our baby and I wanted him to feel the same way. I know it is harder for guys to feel how real it is because it isn't inside them. Especially with the first, most guys don't realize how real it is until they see the U/S or feel the baby kick and see your belly growing. I am not saying you shouldn't be upset by what he said but that I understand. He also may be reacting that way as a way of NOT dealing with the loss and being in denial that there ever was a baby...which there was. Maybe he will see that this was real and you need his support now.

Edited to say that I just re-read this post and I hope it doesn't sound harsh becuase that was NOT the intention. I just wanted to help you realize that men just don't get it sometimes and to try not to be too hurt by what he said.

[Ava+Bryce's_Mommy]

Dlrich,

Wow.....it was soo strange to me reading your story because my DH said almost the exact same thing to me during my loss.

I had about a month to get excited and start day dreaming about my lil bean growing inside of me and how special he/she already meant to me....then it was all taken away in one day! I know exactly how you feel...and only us ladies who have been through these tough times know EXACTLY what you're feeling...and what you're going to feel for the days and months ahead. Its been 4 months since I lost my baby, and I still think of my angel every single day!!!!! I've also tried talking to DH about my feelings...but you CAN NOT expect a man to understand or even begin to feel what you have went through and what emotions will overcome you in the days to come.

I went to my 2nd appt at 8 weeks or so to hear the babys heartbeat for the 1st time....the doc couldnt find it with his doppler....he said not a big deal...that it was probably just too early and so on...well a week later I went in for my 1st ultrasound, and thats when I found out that I had lost the baby due to blighted ovum in early pregnancy. (basicly thats when the embryo stops forming at a certain stage due to a cell abnormality, but the sac continues to grow) We saw just an empty sac on the the ultrasound screen......I knew it before anyone even said anything!!! Then my husband had the nerve to say to me while I was devastated "it's like it wasnt even there"......................was that suppose to make it better????

Hang in there....be strong.....everyday is tough in one way or another.....for me it is. Just know that right here on this board is where you will find people who know EXACTLY how you feel and understand what you've gone through!

Hi hun, I was a little over 6 wks along when I miscarried. I found out on a Fri that I was pg, we were TTC and it was our first month trying. I was so excited, I called everyone I knew and told them. By Sat night I started to bleed and by Sunday morning it was worse. I went to the dr, to find out my levels went down a LOT from Fri. I was loosing the baby, my Dh wouldnt take a day off of work to be with me. I had to deal with it alone, my MIL took my DD for the day so I could be alone. I wanted Dh there, his comment to me was "I couldnt just take a day off of work because you miscarried. You were not that far along, it wasnt really a loss"
It killed me and to this day he still says it. I really dont think they understand at all.

[baby4me?]

I am so sorry for your loss. I too had very early losses. Both occurred around 5 weeks... and were extremely difficult for me. After the first loss I was sooo angry and sad. It took me a few months before I started to feel like myself again... and it still hurts. I felt changes happening in my body before I even found out I was pregnant. As soon as I found out, I dreamed about what it would be like to feel my baby grow inisde, and how life would be when we would bring our little one home. I honestly have had other struggles in life (like most everyone else). My father is an alcoholic and life growing up was not fun...But nothing compared to the pain I felt when I lost my babies. After the first loss I became consumed with getting pregnant... and of course it still fills my mind every day. At this point I don't know how I can be truly happy until I bring my baby home.

My DH also felt differently about the loss. He didn't feel as connected and seemed to go on with life much easier than I did. I actually became angry with him because he didn't grieve like I did. We went to counseling which has helped, because we learned that it is ok to feel how we feel. I need to accept and understand that DH was not as connected to the pregnancy and he needed to accept that it is a real loss for me and that I needed to grieve my loss. It has gotten much better and DH and I are getting back to our old selves.

I hope you and DH work things out. It can be very stressful on a couple.

[dlrich]

Hi everyone and thank you soo much for your responses!! Please keep them coming b/c i really do intend on showing some of these to my husband, just as a way of saying "Hey.. look. I'm not insane, I'm not 'over-emotional', I just feel sad and I feel a sense of loss and that's a perfectly OK thing for me to feel!!"

In reading the responses here, this is what comes up for me. Why is it fine that, as women we can be understanding that "men just process these things differently".... in other words, we find it simple to accept that our DH's response isn't like our own, and we do what we can do support him in the way that works best for him. Well, then... why is it such a HUGE FLIPPING stretch for men (well, my DH anyhow!) to offer us the same sort of consideration in return????? I'm not expecting my DH to feel just like I do about this loss. If it's not that significant to him, that's really understandable to me. However, what I just absolutely cannot accept is that he prefers to stare down his nose at me and say i'm "over-emotional" b/c I cried the day I began bleeding!!!! How dare him judge me like that!!!! If I can accept that he has the emotional intelligence of a ROCK , then why can't he accept that I'm bothered by this loss?? Would it be a completely immasculating experience for him to just offer me a hug and say that he can see that this is bothering me.

Why, as a woman, have I made excuses for my husband's insensitivity and gone the extra mile to try to understand where HE is coming from, and yet I don't hold him to the same standards?? Don't I deserve the same consideration?? Ok.. I am woman.. hear me roar

[Ava+Bryce's_Mommy]

"he prefers to stare down his nose at me and say i'm "over-emotional" b/c I cried the day I began bleeding!!!! How dare him judge me like that!!!! If I can accept that he has the emotional intelligence of a ROCK , then why can't he accept that I'm bothered by this loss?? Would it be a completely immasculating experience for him to just offer me a hug and say that he can see that this is bothering me."--

OMG----I very much understand where you're coming from. I cried the day I didnt hear the heartbeat, b/c I knew in my instincts that someting was wrong.....and it was....He wanted to know "why I was crying"..."dont worry about it"--thats what I was told by DH....well easy for him to say, he didnt have a living being growing inside of him.....Belive me, you are NOT asking for too much by saying why cant he just offer a hug!!! But also remember dont get overly worked up if he dont hug you or embrace you say "I understand, everything will be ok."----It took my DH almost 4 months to understand that my loss isnt just something that I'm going to get over in a snap of a finger! I think of it everyday...I think about my pregnant friends, and how far along I would be right now if I was still pregnant!!! It hurts badly.....he understands NOW...how bad it did hurt me and that it will take time for me to get stronger....but I will NEVER forget.

Stay strong...I'm thinking of you!!!

[BabyBird]

Hi everyone and thank you soo much for your responses!! Please keep them coming b/c i really do intend on showing some of these to my husband, just as a way of saying "Hey.. look. I'm not insane, I'm not 'over-emotional', I just feel sad and I feel a sense of loss and that's a perfectly OK thing for me to feel!!"

In reading the responses here, this is what comes up for me. Why is it fine that, as women we can be understanding that "men just process these things differently".... in other words, we find it simple to accept that our DH's response isn't like our own, and we do what we can do support him in the way that works best for him. Well, then... why is it such a HUGE FLIPPING stretch for men (well, my DH anyhow!) to offer us the same sort of consideration in return????? I'm not expecting my DH to feel just like I do about this loss. If it's not that significant to him, that's really understandable to me. However, what I just absolutely cannot accept is that he prefers to stare down his nose at me and say i'm "over-emotional" b/c I cried the day I began bleeding!!!! How dare him judge me like that!!!! If I can accept that he has the emotional intelligence of a ROCK , then why can't he accept that I'm bothered by this loss?? Would it be a completely immasculating experience for him to just offer me a hug and say that he can see that this is bothering me.

Why, as a woman, have I made excuses for my husband's insensitivity and gone the extra mile to try to understand where HE is coming from, and yet I don't hold him to the same standards?? Don't I deserve the same consideration?? Ok.. I am woman.. hear me roar [/b]

I totally agree with you. I hope you don't think I was telling you that you shouldn't be upset by his comment (although I think it sounded like I did and I am sorry). I do think that guys think differently BUT he should respect that you are grieving and support you. Maybe reading all our comments will make him realize that this was a very real thing and you need him to be there for you and not judge you. You can always vent here! I am sorry you have to deal with this right now and I hope he starts to understand soon.

[TabithaE]

I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I think that men just can't put feelings into words, thing come out angry or not in the "tone" we need to hear. Did he have enough time to let the pregnancy sink in?
I am actually more worried about my DH because he hasn't said very much about our loss. Besides admitting that he almost fainted at the US, and saying that he is worried about his wife (me) He hasnt talked much about it. he has said he wants to try again so that is good.
Good luck on this, and remember he is your partner, and you both need to be on the same page for this to all work out.

[*CAMM*]

Im very sorry for your loss.

I guess my dh may be OVERLY sensative compared to most men. We had been ttc for over 2yrs when we got preg and then lost the baby at 12 weeks. My dh took off the next day which was friday (when i had my d/c) and that following monday to be with me. He never said I was overreacting. He actually cried when they told us the baby was gone and when I went in for my d/c. I have felt that my husband grieved right along with me, maybe not AS MUCH but he definetly grieved. He even listened to me obsess constantly over getting preg right after.
Im not saying that your dh should be crying right along with you because everyone grieves in their own way but he shouldnt be trying to make you feel like you should just shake it off and get over it.
Hopefully he will be able to see that this did hurt you and that it was a very big deal for you to go through your loss.
I think men just dont understand what its like to have life growing inside of you and then it suddenly goes away. They want to understand how a woman feels being pregnant but really and truly they will never fully understand whats its like when you first realize your preg and then to have that taken away. Its just hearbreaking and devastating no matter if you were preg for 5 days or 5 months. It still hurts.

[aimeen]

I'm sorry that he isn't being more supportive. You're right that you shouldn't have to make excuses for him. You have every right in the world to be upset about your loss and he shouldn't be so dismissive of your feelings.

I have to say that my dh wasn't terribly supportive of me after my 2 losses either. I know he was upset, but it was A LOT easier for him to just say "oh well, we'll try again" than it was for me. I think it was because they were so early. I don't think pregnancy seems real to most guys until you start showing and looking pregnant. He actually told me before that he had a hard time getting really excited until he saw the ultrasound and then felt the baby move. He is a wonderful father though and I actually do understand where he is coming from. For my last m/c I told him Friday I was pregnant (I actually thought I was for a couple of days before that) and started spotting on Monday. I just don't think he had enough time to get attached. My first m/c was a little later, and he took me to the E/R and was a little better about it. He certainly never told me to get over it or that I shouldn't be upset. But he honestly never seemed that upset at all and I am quite sure he just doesn't think about it anymore.

I still don't think that this is an excuse to be insensitive or not supportive though.

[dlrich]

I totally agree with you. I hope you don't think I was telling you that you shouldn't be upset by his comment (although I think it sounded like I did and I am sorry).[/b]

Babybird,
I didn't think at all that you were trying to tell me I should be fine with his comments.. really. Actually, thank you so much for sharing your experience!! Hearing from so many people wikth similar experiences has really "normalized" this for me and helped me to get a little less reactive to all this. Anyhow, thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
Dlrich

[dlrich]

Here's a funny update .
I hope I'm not the only one who can get so angry and then cave so easily!!
DH literally arrived home from work just as I was finishing up my earlier post by putting the doghouse symbol on the end of it!!! I gave him a gruff hello and he gave me a gruff hello back. Two minutes later, he goes back out to the car and returns with this HUMONGOUS bouquet of flowers plus three cards... one that says he's sorry, one that says he loves me and a third one congratulating me for the world's record for most cell phone voicemails left in a day..LOL!! (I was REALLY REALLY angry... and so.. uhhm.. left just a few not so sweet messages on his cell phone....). How could I stay mad after that?? I mean, after all, all I wanted in the first place was a hug and at least an attempt at understanding. I feel like I may have let him off the hook a little too easily, but on the other hand, the turkey could have saved a lot of time, money, energy and grief had he just been kind in the first place!! Oh well, the flowers are beautiful and he really made a sweet gesture that says he cares and he's trying to understand.
He's not the most direct person, but from what I could gather tonight, he still wants to TTC, he just seems a bit hesitant. I think some of this has to do with the loss, but even more so it has to do with the stress and changing dynamics between us as we go through this. For starters, I agreed to, in the future, hold off on testing until after AF is due. With this being our first month TTC, I think it was really stressful to get a BFP that turned BFN. I mean here we are, completely new to this whole process, and then BOOM! I'm pregnant.. uhmm.. oops.. no I'm not. Also, I think it's wise for me to realize that he really doesn't care about the details of all this (so far as my monthly cycle and all those types of details) and I'd be much better off coming HERE to obsess about my "o" date and whether or not I have fertile CM!!
Anyhow, thank you girls soooooo much for so openly sharing your experiences!!! Your stories really really helped me to feel validated about my loss and to put things in perspective where DH is concerned. This is such a neat community and I'm really glad to have found this site!!! Best wishes to all and thanks again!!
Dlrich

[maddie02]

Here's a funny update .
I hope I'm not the only one who can get so angry and then cave so easily!!
DH literally arrived home from work just as I was finishing up my earlier post by putting the doghouse symbol on the end of it!!! I gave him a gruff hello and he gave me a gruff hello back. Two minutes later, he goes back out to the car and returns with this HUMONGOUS bouquet of flowers plus three cards... one that says he's sorry, one that says he loves me and a third one congratulating me for the world's record for most cell phone voicemails left in a day..LOL!! (I was REALLY REALLY angry... and so.. uhhm.. left just a few not so sweet messages on his cell phone....). How could I stay mad after that?? I mean, after all, all I wanted in the first place was a hug and at least an attempt at understanding. I feel like I may have let him off the hook a little too easily, but on the other hand, the turkey could have saved a lot of time, money, energy and grief had he just been kind in the first place!! Oh well, the flowers are beautiful and he really made a sweet gesture that says he cares and he's trying to understand.
He's not the most direct person, but from what I could gather tonight, he still wants to TTC, he just seems a bit hesitant. I think some of this has to do with the loss, but even more so it has to do with the stress and changing dynamics between us as we go through this. For starters, I agreed to, in the future, hold off on testing until after AF is due. With this being our first month TTC, I think it was really stressful to get a BFP that turned BFN. I mean here we are, completely new to this whole process, and then BOOM! I'm pregnant.. uhmm.. oops.. no I'm not. Also, I think it's wise for me to realize that he really doesn't care about the details of all this (so far as my monthly cycle and all those types of details) and I'd be much better off coming HERE to obsess about my "o" date and whether or not I have fertile CM!!
Anyhow, thank you girls soooooo much for so openly sharing your experiences!!! Your stories really really helped me to feel validated about my loss and to put things in perspective where DH is concerned. This is such a neat community and I'm really glad to have found this site!!! Best wishes to all and thanks again!!
Dlrich[/b]

I agree that it's best not to test with HPTs before AF is due! I made that decision after the same thing happened to us. I've decided to at least wait a week after AF is due before testing because I don't want to ever experience this heartbreak again!! Even when I showed DH my faint BFP he said "Don't get too excited yet. It might not stick". I was like "whatever. I'm pregnant!" I don't know what made him say that. It was his first positive pregnancy test (that I know of) and already he was skeptical. Maybe I should have been, too. I don't know if I will ever just relax and enjoy a future pregnancy after this experience. It doesn't help that some women on these boards speak of stillbirths in their last trimester. I know they need to talk about their experiences, too, but it scares me so much! We have decided not to BD this month because I think my body needs time to return to normal and I don't want to get pregnant again while my hormones and uterus are still adjusting. But, I am so excited about trying again next month. I am counting down the days to my next AF. I will never forget what I went through or what I lost. As far as I'm concerned I became a mother when I saw that second pink line and that will always be my first baby. I have a hard time at work because I spend 12 hours at a time with lots of pregnant women (nearly everybody at work is either expecting or just had a baby). I still cry a lot, but I just have to move on and look forward to what is to come. I know in my heart that the next baby will probably be healthy and once I hold that little baby in my arms all this pain will fade. My husband doesn't think about the baby like I do now, but the day I miscarried he took me into his arms while I wept, standing there in a hospital gown in a cold E.R. room and he told me that he loves me and we will try for a little girl that shares my birthday in February. All he ever talked about before was how much he wanted a boy. I thought it was the sweetest thing he ever could have said. I'm trying my best not to talk about our loss to him because he simply doesn't understand the emotions I'm going through. However I emailed him a link to try to help him understand. You may be interested in reading it, too.

http://www.ourmiscarriage.com/conceiving_a...iscarriage.html

http://www.ourmiscarriage.com/coping...scarriage.html

Sorry my post is a little long. I just want you to know that I am here if you feel like talking about it. We can obsess about our O dates and CM together if you want!

[BabyBird]

Here's a funny update .
I hope I'm not the only one who can get so angry and then cave so easily!!
DH literally arrived home from work just as I was finishing up my earlier post by putting the doghouse symbol on the end of it!!! I gave him a gruff hello and he gave me a gruff hello back. Two minutes later, he goes back out to the car and returns with this HUMONGOUS bouquet of flowers plus three cards... one that says he's sorry, one that says he loves me and a third one congratulating me for the world's record for most cell phone voicemails left in a day..LOL!! (I was REALLY REALLY angry... and so.. uhhm.. left just a few not so sweet messages on his cell phone....). How could I stay mad after that?? I mean, after all, all I wanted in the first place was a hug and at least an attempt at understanding. I feel like I may have let him off the hook a little too easily, but on the other hand, the turkey could have saved a lot of time, money, energy and grief had he just been kind in the first place!! Oh well, the flowers are beautiful and he really made a sweet gesture that says he cares and he's trying to understand.
He's not the most direct person, but from what I could gather tonight, he still wants to TTC, he just seems a bit hesitant. I think some of this has to do with the loss, but even more so it has to do with the stress and changing dynamics between us as we go through this. For starters, I agreed to, in the future, hold off on testing until after AF is due. With this being our first month TTC, I think it was really stressful to get a BFP that turned BFN. I mean here we are, completely new to this whole process, and then BOOM! I'm pregnant.. uhmm.. oops.. no I'm not. Also, I think it's wise for me to realize that he really doesn't care about the details of all this (so far as my monthly cycle and all those types of details) and I'd be much better off coming HERE to obsess about my "o" date and whether or not I have fertile CM!!
Anyhow, thank you girls soooooo much for so openly sharing your experiences!!! Your stories really really helped me to feel validated about my loss and to put things in perspective where DH is concerned. This is such a neat community and I'm really glad to have found this site!!! Best wishes to all and thanks again!!
Dlrich[/b]

AWWWWW...I don't think you let him off too easy. He obviously heard your messages and understood. I didn't get flowers!! Anyway I got pg on our 2 nd cycle and it was such a shock too because you never think it could happen to you. I agree not to tell him about the details...but of course you can obsess about them here! I think with us I told DH everything about when I thought I would O and what my temps were and when we had to BD and I think he felt a bit used. THis time will definately be different...I will know what is going on but I will try to make it seem spontaneous! Good luck and I am glad to hear that he came around!