I'm new here (sorry so long)

Nadine41 · #1 April 26th, 2007, 01:08 PM

Where do I begin. I feel like there is a hole in my heart and I don't know how to mend it. I just lost my baby at almost 6 weeks, this past Saturday April 21. This never happened to me before. My doctor does not understand why as he puts it "I'm so distraught". He said at that stage if I didn't know I was pregnant I would have just thought that I had a late period. Not so true as my cycles are very regular. You could set a clock by me. I wanted this baby so very very much. To me it was a baby no matter how soon, our baby, not just a "group of cells or embryo" as he put it. And to make matters worse one of my good friends is pregnant and complains about it all of the time. I can't even talk to her right now. My father and mother feel that I should be over it and moving on. My father commented to me yesterday that he "wants to see another face on me, instead of the one I have been wearing the past few days". Well, I'm sorry. I just can't help it. I feel hurt, sad, empty, angry and I don't know what else. I'm sorry if I make them feel uncomfortable because I'm sad. It's the only thing I can feel right now. Why can't people understand? I am the one who always has to be strong for everyone else in the family, but I feel so weak now. They just keep coming to me with their problems, like nothing just happened to me. I can't deal with their problems now. I just can't understand it. Can't they see I can't deal with their problems right now, I have my own? I just want to know why? Why would God give you the gift and then so quickly take it away? I did everything right, I thought. I don't smoke, don't drink, stopped drinking coffee, took pre-natal vitamins. Can someone tell me what I'm suppposed to do when I feel so bad and others want me to feel and react the way they want me to. I realize that I am blessed to have the children that I do have and I do feel blessed, but I wanted and love the one I just lost, too. My doctor told us to wait until July to try again. My DH and I definately want to try again, but I am so fearful of losing another angel again, but my heart has this empty space. How do you get through this? Does anybody know?

Paula (Nadine41)

Mum2three · #2 April 26th, 2007, 01:19 PM

first of im sorry for your loss.HUGS!
it is completly normal to have those feelings. just cause u never had the chance to feel ur baby move, u knew that u were pregnant. a baby is a baby, and a loss is a loss. i found that after losing my 2 children, i started to do some hobbies. i made up scrapbooks for both of them. im not saying wipe ur memory of ur baby, but remember that he was yours. and u will never get over it. i hate when ppl say that. time is ur best friend right now. and u have to use that time well. and i also looked at god for many answers needed. i started to become more with myself, in a good way. and i figured that my children were meant to help god up there. its hard to over come but it will come. good luck and i hope u start feeling better.

momto4blessings · #3 April 26th, 2007, 04:23 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I too m/c recently on March 27 (9 wks) and it was extremely hard. I don't know if there is a "way to get over it". I'm not sure I ever will, but it will get better. Right now the loss is so fresh for you and it is only natural to mourn that loss. I hope that with time you will heal and continue to TTC. In the meantime, I will pray that you are comforted and that your family realizes that you need to grieve for your baby. Take care hun.

aimeen · #4 April 26th, 2007, 06:21 PM

I'm sorry for your loss. I think what you are feeling is very normal.

proudmommato4 · #5 April 26th, 2007, 06:36 PM

First, I am so sorry for your loss. I too just suffered my fourth loss on 3/27/07 @ 10 weeks. I don't think there is a way to get over it. After my last m/c in Oct I got angels wing tattooed on th back of my neck for some type of closeure. After my most recent m/c in march my huband and I made a memorial for the baby that we lost. It did help alot, but I still get upset when I think about. You will never forget, but it seems like it gets a little easier with each passing day. Feel free to cry and mourn, because that was a baby, a part of you. No matter how early you were, and don't let anyone else tell you diffrently. Please feel free to pm if you ever need someone to talk to. Sometime it is easier to talk to someone that has been through it. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

greenchild · #6 April 26th, 2007, 07:15 PM

I am so sorry for your loss!!! I think everybody here will agree that you need to grieve in your own way for as long as it takes. I wanted to slap my first OB (even though he is very good and I still like him

) when he said my 1st pg wasn't a baby, it was just a blob of tissue. Yeah, like that helped!

I hope your family will be more supportive for you! I know we will, the ladies here are great!

Osu2k1 · #7 April 27th, 2007, 11:34 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I m/c a little over a week ago and it's a rough thing to go through. I haven't ever m/c before and it was such a shock. But in my heart of hearts I know that God took our little cookie monster (DH named it) for a reason. He knew that what ever was coming down the road in 9 months, we weren't going to be able to handle it and His hand helped us. I know it sounds bad, I have a hard time explaining it. But that is what I keep telling myself. I know my Dad is up there with God hashing out His plan for DH and I to have another. I am so blessed with Chandler that I look at him and thank God for giving me him. Just know that it's ok to mourn the loss of your baby and that you can cry and feel sad!!! It's totally natural, as I am learning.