[mommytutu]

I had a miscarriage in February. Before February I wanted to TTC as soon as possible. We were not TTC when I got pregnant, and I didn't even know I was pregnant for sure until I was nearly 8 weeks pregnant. I miscarried four days after I found out.

Now...I don't know if I ever want to TTC. I have always wanted a large family, but I don't know now. DF has been pushing me to set a date for 2008. He wants our daughter to have a sibling close in age. I don't know what is wrong with me. I do want more children, and at the same time I don't.

I know this probably has more to do with my miscarriage, and the feelings that go along with that...I basically just wanted to ask if anyone has felt this way, and how long it took to want to TTC again?

TIA

[Em2528]

Im sorry you are feeling this way, I know its difficult to go through a loss, I just recently lost my first pregnancy on May 8th...I was 6 weeks along. DH and I wanted to start ttc again that day because we want a baby so badly (we waited till I got my first post-m/c AF), but at the same time I am scared to get pg again because my first loss was so heartbreaking that I dont know if I can handle another loss....we are ttc again, because I keep thinking that there IS a chance we will have a healthy normal pregnancy this next time around, and if we dont keep trying than there isnt even a chance for us to have a baby...so im trying to stay strong and leave this is Gods hands, I feel at ease when I put my total trust and faith in God and know that he will do the best thing for us....hang in there and I hope you find peace with this soon!

[mommytutu]

I had the same feelings! I wanted to start TTC right away after lossing our baby, but we waited because we really weren't ready to get pregnant again. But now that we have waited a few months I've just gotten more and more...I don't even know what the word is. Scared, aprehensive.... I keep thinking that I am just going to have another miscarriage, and I don't know if I can handle that again. I had such a hard time losing my baby in February, and DF wasn't very supportive (he was in denial for a very long time, and has just recently started to grieve.) My mother was just evil about it, telling me that I deserved to lose the baby. I didn't tell anyone else about it (except for JM girls) until just a few weeks ago when I told my best friend.

It's not that I don't want more kids. I guess I'm just scared to lose another baby, and I'm not sure if I want to take that risk again. I have this feeling deep in the back of my mind that I'm going to end up with secondary infertility (my mother, and my aunt were both diagnosed with secondary infertility in their early 30s.) I know that having one miscarriage and jumping to infertility is a HUGE jump, but the fear is still there.

[the scotts]

you should give yourself some time to think about what you want and let your dh know how you really feel! who knows he'll probably understand you and then you can have some time to deal wiht your feelings! it's normal to feel that way after a m/c,we are the ones who carry them.............goodluck!

[mommytutu]

Thanks for the support ladies. I guess DF is having a hard time understanding because he didn't feel so strongly about losing our baby. I can accept that, but it is hard to get him to see how I feel.

[Marissa]

I had my miscarriage in April. My baby didn't grow past 7 weeks and i miscarried at 10 weeks.

I was so devestated about my loss that during one of the bad points during the time i was actually miscarrying, i told my SO that i just couldn't do it anymore, and i didn't want to be pregnant again, in fear that i would just keep having miscarriages and would never have a baby.

At first we didn't want to TTC again until August or September. So we could be mentally prepared. After a long talk we decided to push it forward to June because we were both ready to TTC again, and just let things happen when they should happen. I got pregnant 3 months after we started TTC and on our first cycle charting, and we figured that we may not get pregnant straight away, so we'll just go with the flow.

We waited one cycle before we started again. I had my first period after the miscarriage in May and started after my period in June.

After speaking to my doctor before my period came, i asked him what the chances of me having another miscarriage was when i got pregnant again (I wanted to know because i had convinced myself that once you have one, your at a higher risk of having another), and he said that i had a 20% chance of a miscarriage, the same percent chance as those who are pregnant and have never had a miscarriage, so there is no added risk of a repeat miscarriage because you've already had one, thats what settled my fears alot, knowing that i had a 70% chance of a healthy pregnancy and the end result a healthy baby.

Maybe sit your fiance' down and talk to him about your fears of becoming pregnant again. What you are feeling is completely normal sweetie. Everyone has big fears after having a miscarriage. The pain of losing the baby, is so raw that you just never want to feel the pain you had to feel when you lost the baby. I know i never want to have to go through what i went through 2 months ago.