[Em2528]

So this weekend may not end up being as wonderful as I thought it was going to be...(WARNING: this is going to turn into a rant haha) So since DH and I havent been able to get to our hometown (where are parents live) for 2 months my husband came home from work on tues. and surprised me with a trip there this weekend since we were able to work it out and I thought "awesome" because I could really use a mini vaca. to just get away for a few days, relax, and get my mind off things...well yesterday my mil called (thats where we stay when we go visit) and said she was thinking of inviting over (on Sat while were there) my bil and my pregnant sil (the one who got pg same time as me, except she is 4 months pg now and we lost our baby...) anyway...im thinking in my head "are you kidding me?" she knows i need to just get away for a few days and now that i am getting away for a few days, she wants to invite the one person over who i cant bare to look at right now (because it will just be a slap in the face as to how far along i would have been and the belly i would have etc etc...) now she knows ive been having a very hard time with loosing the baby and with not being pg again yet with a healthy baby and i cant even believe that she would suggest that (its bad enough that my mil calls me and brags about everything going on in my sil's pregnany...im like, HELLO, where is your head...its too hard for me to hear this!!), the problem is that everyone im going to see this weekend has never had a m.c so even though they know ive been having a hard time with this, they have NO IDEA how it feels, or what im really going through or anything and so they think i should just "get over it" and that im selfish for getting sad around other pg people in the family, am i being selfish? Do you think im being totally out of line for not wanting to see my sil right now?? I mean im already having a really hard time and i think seeing her would only make it worst..plus she is one that will shove her pregnancy in my face like HAHA im pg and your not (and at one point even decided she was going to steal our boy baby name..which supposibly they've decided not to do, which they better not!!)..she has always been that way (her and I havent really ever been close). Now im TRYING not to get to worked up over this because i dont know for sure if its going to happen, but i am so against the idea right now that i told my husband that if she comes over, ill have to leave the house and go see my family for the time. I feel bad for being like this, but i cant help the grief i am experiancing right now, this has been one of the hardest things ive gone through in my life....i just dont know....CANT I JUST HAVE A FEW DAYS TO GET THINGS OFF MY MIND...is that asking too much...UHHHH, i just need a break from all this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I explained to my DH that what i really need right now is a weekend away, to get things off my mind, and that seeing her wouldnt get me any of that, it would only ruin the weekend and make me feel worst...so he said he would talk to his mom.... I cried myself to sleep lastnight and now i just want to scream.

[~*Kixs*~]

I am sorry...for everything! It sounds like you are having a really tough time right now. My BIL (DH bro) new wife sounds like your sil. DH sister, me and bil new wife were all due with in 5w of each other. Well DH sister lost their baby May 20th and we lost our angel May 27th. BIL new wife still walks around saying 'I can't believe how big I am getting' and rubbing her belly all the time! DH sister and I get very annoyed but this but what can you do.

For me the one thing that helps to remind myslef that the baby is my niece or nefew and I am going to love it no matter what a twit it's mother can be sometimes. I don't know if that will help you but it is worth a try. If not...just leave the house or pull the I have a headache when they come over . It sounds like a mini vac will do you good. Hope I could help.

[MrsRodgers]

I don't think you are being unreasonable in the least. Having a m/c and trying to get people who have never had one to understand is impossible and its not like you lost your baby years and years ago---it just happened recently!! Your mil should have a little sympathy. although I suspect that she is just so excited about being a grandma that she doesn't understand how much it hurts you and she may be hoping that you get some good luck off your sil by being in the same room with her. (I'm really hoping she just isn't out right evil so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt). I'd tell DH to tell his sister (or his brother's wife) to back off on taking baby names. That is just ridiculous and insulting. What is she 12? Sorry that just makes me angry. Anyway, I think you should go and try and relax and when the situation becomes uncomfortable get a mysterious cell phone call and tell them that your fam is meeting on the spur of the moment and since you are staying with your mil, you want to go hang out and tell DH that he can stay with his mom no big deal. Personally, you have to do what is best for you right now and protect your own sanity. Plus, you need to relax in order to invite that next soul to come to earth through you. I say be as "selfish" as you want without causing any permanent rifts in your DH family.

[Em2528]

I don't think you are being unreasonable in the least. Having a m/c and trying to get people who have never had one to understand is impossible and its not like you lost your baby years and years ago---it just happened recently!! Your mil should have a little sympathy. although I suspect that she is just so excited about being a grandma that she doesn't understand how much it hurts you and she may be hoping that you get some good luck off your sil by being in the same room with her. (I'm really hoping she just isn't out right evil so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt). I'd tell DH to tell his sister (or his brother's wife) to back off on taking baby names. That is just ridiculous and insulting. What is she 12? Sorry that just makes me angry. Anyway, I think you should go and try and relax and when the situation becomes uncomfortable get a mysterious cell phone call and tell them that your fam is meeting on the spur of the moment and since you are staying with your mil, you want to go hang out and tell DH that he can stay with his mom no big deal. Personally, you have to do what is best for you right now and protect your own sanity. Plus, you need to relax in order to invite that next soul to come to earth through you. I say be as "selfish" as you want without causing any permanent rifts in your DH family.[/b]

Thank you, thank you, well said, and im glad to hear that its ok that im feeling this way right now because it is still fresh to me and im going to feel this way for a while. Thanks for helping me see that this is ok and that im not just loosing my mind!!

[Mom 2 Avery]

You are definitely NOT over-reacting.
These people have never lost a child and have no clue how painful it is!!!

My cousin and his alcoholic gf had a baby in Feb.
I saw them Memorial Weekend and she comes running at me with the baby...
You wanna hold MY baby???

I threw my hands up like she had leprosy!!!
I said, "I don't do babies!" (Avery was the last baby I held and that was in 2005).

She started crying and told my aunt I was mean.
My aunt told her she was stupid.
(I love my aunt!!!)

So, some people get it. Some people don't.
Smack the ones that don't and be thankful for those that do!

I hope your trip turns out better than you're expecting!
Sending hugs!
Dawna

[greenchild]

It's definitely okay to feel like that! Right after our 2nd loss we found out my SIL was expecting (which was NOT a good situation BTW) and she was absolutely THE LAST person I wanted to be around at the time because of her situation. She did NOT want the baby and was planning on ending the pg, which she end up doing. I barely spoke to her during family get togethers, but that wasn't hard because she was too busy chatting on her cell phone to chat with family members.

If you do go, and she is there, I highly agree with you to spend some time with your side of the family. We're all here for you!!!

[MrsRodgers]

You are definitely not losing your mind. Try to enjoy your weekend and just remember when others don't get it, we've got your back!!

[*Bobbie*]

I am sorry they are so insensitive You have to do what's best for you. Maybe hubby can go and you can have a girls weekend alone? Grab a couple books or movies.. buy new pj's and just relax for the weekend Or stay with your family instead.


Life can be so hard. Everyone deals with it differently. For me the sooner I chatted with people due at the same time I would have been the sooner I felt like I was healing. I held my friends baby two weeks after my m/c. She was born the day my water broke and I lost mine. Holding her sweet baby just made me happy. It helps that she also had a m/c before she got pregnant with her daughter so she understands what I feel. Holding a baby made me realize life does go on and women can have healthy babies after miscarriage.


I really hope your MIL gets a clue about how she makes you feel

[Em2528]

You girls bring tears to my eyes with how sweet, caring, loving, understanding and supportive you are...im so glad to have you all at this time when im feeling so alone, you all understand how im feeling and what im going through and i thank you for reassuring me that its ok to feel this way right now...i hate that some people just dont understand i just shake my head and say "if only you knew"...its so frusterating and sad. I dont know what id do without all of you.