How long do I keep putting myself through this?

proudmommato4 · #1 September 20th, 2007, 07:36 AM

I am really having a hard time today. I was supposed to have a baby in october, but miscarried that baby in march. I have alot of family and friends that are due between Sept and Oct. Some of them have already delivered and the rest are about to deliver. Every time I go to these babies it only reminds of the fact that I should be gettin ready to hold my precious angel. We have been trying for 14 months and I just finished my fourth month of clomid. I just don't know how much longer I can keep trying. I so despritley want a third baby, but month after month I see that dream slipping away. Then I think after four losses what makes me think I will carry another child to term? Thank you for listening, Sometimes I feel like nobody understands what I am going through.

MelissaT1973 · #2 September 20th, 2007, 07:51 AM

I am so sorry that this is such a hard time for you, especially with ones around you having babies...that just hurts the heart so much. It's a bittersweet thing, certainly your happy for those you know delivering, but ache for you loss. That is hard and it's to be expected and ok to feel that way. And it is more than possible for you to carry a baby to term, you've done it twice,...you can again. Keep the faith in that.
I hope this cycle brings you a BFP.

HangingInThere · #3 September 20th, 2007, 08:35 AM

If your looking for someone who understands you aggrevation and pain, then you have come to the right place. The ladies here are wonderful and supportive and you will usually find someone who can relate to your situation in some way or form. I have not walked in your shoes exactly but through out my child bearing years I have taken some of the same steps. When trying to have my dd we tried for a year and then did 6 months of Clomid. The 7th month we decided to wait and try no clomid and actually concieved that cycle. Then my 2nd pg I was also due in Oct and lost the baby in March. I went on to know of two cousins who also had babies in March and one who had her baby shortly after our loss. It was so hard to go see that baby and know that ours was no longer with us. Then I too am TTC our third right now after a second m/c a month ago. The road to conception and children is never easy, but just know that there is always someone on these boards who will understand and be there for you to lean on.
Good luck, and I hope this is your month,

Sabina · #4 September 21st, 2007, 09:12 AM

I know it is so hard when you are yearning for your own baby and they are all around you. It can be very difficult when you are happy for your family and friends but sad for your own loss. I am very sorry that you are having to go through this.

I hope this will get easier for you in the future. And don't give up hope yet, it still may happen.

*Bobbie* · #5 September 21st, 2007, 05:32 PM

I think the worst part of my loss was having to hear about babies right before my DD. I felt like I was all done crying at that point and then about two weeks before my DD it all came back full force. I think it's totally normal to be feeling the way you are.

I hope you get your BFP soon. Lots of

to you....and an extra

proudmommato4 · #6 September 21st, 2007, 06:38 PM

Thank you all so much. This has been a difficult week for me. I had my third m/c on 10/4/2006 and my last m/c I was due 10/21/2007. October is a bad month for me. I know it's not even October yet, but with everyone that I know having babies it has just put me into a funk. I am really hoping to get my BFP! I am goint to test Oct 1st.

*Bobbie* · #7 September 21st, 2007, 08:02 PM

Tricia.....

have some baby dust

and more

and a BFP cheer squad...

Gimme a B

Gimme a F

Gimme a P

I hope this cycle is it for you. Did you stop charting? I was trying to stalk you...but it looks like you stopped charting?

proudmommato4 · #8 September 22nd, 2007, 10:15 AM

I did stop charting. I went to another ob about two weeks ago, and she thinks that with me obsessing over my charts that that could be a reason I am not getting pregnant. She told me to take a break from the clomid and charting for three months and just see what happens. I want another baby soooooo bad, that is all I have been thinking about lately. So I am going to try and see what happens. I have enen gone on a diet and lost 10 pounds! At this point I will do anything that will give me a healthy baby! I appreciate all of your baby dust I really hope it works. I hate that I am testing in Oct, because I have had nothing but bad luck in Oct. My husband said last night that He hopes god gives us our BFP this month. He said he has a good feeling! I hope he is right.