[..Jessica..]

I'm on the phone with Dwayne, and he's being all negative and stuff right now. I told him about my sister and told him to keep it on the DL, simply because her fiance doesn't know, and won't know for a few days/weeks. He said that he'd be sooo mad if I got pregnant right now! He said we can't afford a baby, and how we have no place to live and that I'd have to take care of the baby at my house, and how he'd barely come over because he feels weird here and all this.

I WANT A BABY!!!! I know we can't afford it, I know I'd have to take care of the baby at my house, HECK, I've PREPARED myself to be a SINGLE MOM!!! When I got pregnant with Quinn, Dwayne and I weren't dating, we were "seeing" eachother. I knew that I would probably be taking care of a baby by myself and I STILL know that! I am NOT stupid!! I don't think he realizes just how much it hurt me to lose our first baby!!!

HE'S the one who keeps pushing back our TTC date!! Why doesn't he just tell me he doesn't want a baby?? Instead of playing with my emotions like this EVERY SINGLE MONTH!!! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! I'M SO PISSED OFF!!!!!

I'm thinking about just telling him - I O'd on Sept. 28th, and we had sex, and on the 12th, I'm testing to see if I'm pregnant - if I am, you're going to be a daddy whether you like it or not! We both laid down, and now we might have to pay for it!! If I get a negative result, I'm going on the pill!

I don't want to play games with my emotions every month!!!

[dee68]

YIKES ! AND

Men get weirded out at the worst times !!! A few months ago, Mick said almost the same thing, being that he didnt think it was the best time to try again. I think it was more fear of another loss more than anything else, and some men can't admit to fear. I hope you can both talk this through & work things out hon.

[greenchild]

I know my DH was ready to quit TTC after the 1st loss, he was being quite pissy about the whole thing but luckily I got pg a month after that argument, but unfortunately that one ended the same as the 1st and he wanted to quit again, but now I know it was because he was really hurting from the losses, although that's not what he said to me at the time. And believe me we had some long talks about it all and he never mentioned once how hurt HE felt from the losses. His mother just told me a couple weeks ago how he's been feeling (apparently he shares more with his mother than with me, and we've been together 13 years!!! )
I say good for you for sticking up for what you want, you know you're ready for a child, especially if you are aware and okay with it that you might be facing it alone, but I hope you two are able to work things out and get that baby you both want!

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

But the bottom line is, you can't force someone to have a baby and what you are doing is wrong. Why are you even planning on a child when you haven't even got married yet? I know you're engaged, but it's much easier for a man to walk away from a relationship if not married. I'm sorry but marriage is a different commitment than engagement. From reading other forums I see too many bf/gf relations ttc and then after getting pregnant they split for one reason or others. Now I do know that many are successful but I would rather know that my husband, not bf wants a baby as much as I do. You have to think of the child you are bringing into the world........you're not married, you can't afford a baby, and your bf told you you would have to raise the baby alone at your house. That's very selfish of both of you.

You shouldn't play games with him, how would you feel if he did something similar to you?

I was a single parent by accident for 8 years. I had made a vow to myself that I would never have unprotected sex until I was married. I did make it as a single parent, but it's not easy and my child has to live without his biological dad. I have been married for 5 years now and we have one child together. My son was very difficult when we first got married and it put my husband off on having children so we never officially ttc. Just left it at, if it's meant to be, it will be. Then we got pregnant and even throughout my pregnancy, he still said he only wanted just this one. It was heartbreaking because I really wanted one more with my husband. But I knew I would never push it because bringing a child into the world is the decision of both. I love my husband with all my heart and came to respect his choice and decided to be happy with my 2 children. Don't get me wrong, deep inside, I knew I would always long for another. So after our baby was born and he had to go back to work, he came straight in and said how much he missed our baby and said........makes me wish we had tried sooner and makes me want to have another baby. I was over the moon. We waited until I finished nursing and for the first time, we were ttc. We did get pregnant on the second try, but sadly lost our baby 11 weeks in. So respect his wishes, wait for the real commitment and things will be better. I don't mean to be so harsh and do apologize.

[dee68]

I do agree, that it would be best to have your partner on the same page with you when it comes to having children, you can't force somene to be a parent, no one really benefits from that in the long run.Like I said in a previous post,men don't always let their true feelings out....and suffering a loss is a devastating blow, that often makes people do or say things that they do not really mean,because of a fear of it happening again.
If it is a good,strong,soild relationship, I personally do not see the harm in being "engaged" while ttc.
It took me what seems like an eternity to find Mick, he is 43, I am 39 (tomorrow) so, yes, we are planning a wedding & ttc.
Neither of us are going anywhere....we are "committed" to each other, we just don't have a paper saying it. JMO

[*Bobbie*]

Jessica...


HMMM I don't really know what to say.... or how to say it.

But I have been there... I was PG at 15 and then again at 19. I married their dad at 18. I LOVE my kids and don't regret having them for even a second. But my God it's HARD rasing kids when you don't have a place of your own and money is tight. We lived with my parents until we could save up enough to buy our own house at 18. We really lived paycheck to paycheck. It was tough to just pay the bills let alone get ahead a little.

I wish I would have waitied. I am now divorced and having to deal with an ex-husband isn't a walk in the park. I wish I had waited until I found someone I knew without a doubt was the man I wanted to spend my life with. You two really should get your relationship solid before you decide to TTC again. It really isn't fair to the children to have them split between two parents. I hate the fact that I did that to mine. We even tried getting back together a couple times. I just wasn't meant to be. We were together trying to make it work for 11 years.

I totally understand that NEED to have a baby. It's all I ever wanted. I wanted to be pregnant at 15. I was in love and knew I could make it work. I now know I was being selfish. Just because I wanted a baby didn't mean it was the best thing for my baby. He didn't get to bond with me like he should have. I was at school all day and then went to work until 10:00pm just to be able to buy him formula, clothes, and diapers. I was VERY lucky in that my mom, grandma, and neighbor would watch him for free.

My need to feel loved and create a life was something I should have really thought long and hard about before I brought a child into this world.

That said.....Have you talked to your parents about how they feel about you TTC? After all you would need their blessing and support if you do get PG and plan to live there. I really hope Dwayne is just getting "cold feet" about TTC and I hope you two can work out the problems you are having and go ahead with the wedding if that's what you want. If not take a step back and think about what you really want in life. You really are young...and if you aren't 110% sure about him or TTC with him.... I would take some time to find out what it is that would really make you happy.

and I am always here for you and promise to never "preach" again after this

[..Jessica..]

Why are you even planning on a child when you haven't even got married yet?[/b]

See, I'm not like you. I don't feel the need to be married to have a child. Sorry, but I think if two people are willing to be together, have a child, and pay for it, and they aren't married, then so be it.

Have you talked to your parents about how they feel about you TTC? After all you would need their blessing and support if you do get PG and plan to live there. I really hope Dwayne is just getting "cold feet" about TTC and I hope you two can work out the problems you are having and go ahead with the wedding if that's what you want. If not take a step back and think about what you really want in life. You really are young...and if you aren't 110% sure about him or TTC with him.... I would take some time to find out what it is that would really make you happy.[/b]

I have spoken to my parents, and my mother said she would prefer for me to stay home, so she could help out and things would ease up a little bit.

Like I said - if the test is negative, I'm going back on birth control.

[tparum]

First things first

ok here it goes i kinda agree w/everyone else but i see what ur saying. and ive always thought of it like this if you wait tell ur finnancial stable then ull never have a baby. but i wanna say this and as easy as i can Please please make sure this is something u both want parent hood is hard very hard and to put it straight i couldnt do it by myself at all. so please hun just make sure thats what u want. i know u want a baby just make sure both of u are ready. cuase it takes 2 to make and 2 to raise them.

and hes prob. just scared of u all loseing another baby.