[EmilyRenee]

Ok here goes. This has been a long week. I posted a bulletin about my friends miscarriage recently since then I have been having issues and im not sure if its just me or she is really craving attention. First off we have been friends for like 10 years. I do love her and she has always been one of my best friends. Over the past year our friendship has been going downhill. Anyway im getting sidetracked.

The other day i took her to her doctors app. we saw a nurse and the doc. The nurse of course was very nice (she had 2 miscarraiges and was very understanding). The doctor i thought was decent. He had some weird personality quirks but overall very professional and not rude at all. She was talking to her grandmother about it going on and on about how horrible he was? Then she was like oh just ask emily. I was like um he wasn't rude at all? She just kinda looked at me like well your opinion doesn't matter anyway.

Since she found out she was miscarrying she has totally ignored my efforts to console her. She has been throwing everything out of porportion. Within two minutes of leaving the er the first night (tuesday) she was like "Did he even tell me he was sorry" in a tone like he should have sat there for hours on end telling her how sorry he was. Again that doctor was very nice you could just see it in his face he hated telling her that news. Also he had only taken her blood so he probably wasn't really supposed to tell her anything in detail til she had her ultrasound the next day.

Then today her grandmother called me to tell me she went back to the hospital because of more pain. She went on and on about how horrible it was and how she was doubled over. So i asked why she was in so much pain (i thought something else had gone wrong). Her grandmother was like all matter of factly well emily she is haaaving a miscarraige. Also she is telling everybody that she has just had a miscarraige and goes into long detail about it whether that person wants to hear about it or not. I know what she is going through and i know every person reacts a little differently but its really taking a toll on my emotional state. I feel like all i am to her is a ride to her doctors(she doesn't have her license). And i don't expect her to be all interested in my life right now but what her grandmother said to me tonight and the tone of her voice and the way my friend has been acting just makes me feel like crap. Like she is the only one in the world that has had a m/c andthat i have no idea what she is going through. I feel like im being a lil selfish i havn't said a word to her about this and don't plan on it. I kinda plan on just backing off.

I am so emotional right now. I cried like 3 times today over small stuff and was laughing during one of the times cuz i was so annoyed that i was crying. LOL My husband must think that im crazy but he was nice about it and said it was ok to cry lol. Tomorrow i will be six days late!!! Im going to take a clear blue easy test which ive never taken before. Anyway my cousin who knows my friend very well said that I need to take some time to myself because if i am prego i shouln't be stressing out about it. I know everyone here knows about and understands all about having a miscarraige so maybe you can help me with understanding my friend. Thanks (Sorry this was so long and serious lol figured id end on a happy note)

[*Bobbie*]

Hon

If it were me I would probably give your friend a lot of space right now. You really have to think of yourself first. If it is upsetting you how she is acting, I would give her some time before you take her calls or call her.

Sounds like she isn't in need of a friend right now, but just a sounding board and it seem like anyone will do for her right now. There will come a day when she really needs your friendship and if you are sick and tired of her at that point, you won't be able to be there for her.

Just remember it's the grief talking right now and not her. I am sure she doesn't mean to upset you... the feelings are probably raw at this point for her. I know when I was m/cing I had the same feelings about my doctor. I was scared, tired, weak, and frustrated and things seem to feel 100 times worse than they really are when you are feeling that way.

About being late..... I hope you get that BFP! Keep us posted

[MinDB]

wow! i can't say i've been in your situation, but maybe you should try talking to her when all of the hormones settle down.
i believe that saying exactly how you feel is the best thing in most situations--just a thought. just take it easy and give her time.

i hope you get your BFP!

[..Jessica..]

Wow

I think her grandmother was very rude to use the tone she used with you. I'm sure you already KNOW your friend is having a miscarriage! I agree though, that right now she isn't herself. But, with that said, she has no right to take anything out on you! If anything, she should be thanking you for being the one who is obviously taking her everywhere.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now, especially when you're testing tomorrow!!!

I hope everything works out between the two of you, as the saying goes "a friend in need, is a friend indeed"

[Madison.N.Hailey'sMom]

I agree with the other lady's. Maybe she just needs some time to wrap her mind around everything that has just happened. She may be pushing you away right now but in time she will come to you for comfort knowing that you have been through the same thing. Im sorry that you are having to go through all this right now but I hope that everything turns out ok and that you get your BFP soon. One thing I have to tell you is that if you do get a BFP I would wait a little bit before telling her just for the fact that right now it might be a little hard for her to hear. Not to sound mean or anything. Hope everything works out and you guys get work past this all and you get that happy news.

[ers0507]

I understand your friend's need to tell everyone she meets... I kind of felt like that too. Only, I didn't tell everyone because I had the foresight to understand that it would make many people very uncomfortable. I really had to bite my tongue sometimes but now that I'm past the "want to tell everyone" phase, I'm glad I held it in a bit!!! I guess if you are going through something traumatic, it makes it more 'real" to hear yourself say it outloud. Kind of like if you keep it a secret then everything goes on in your day "as normal" and then you don't get to deal with the issue at hand? Wierd, I know.

You're friend's family should be trying to help her, yes, but encouraging her already exaggerated "woe is me" phase probably is not healthy.

I have to agree with you, your friend is projecting her angry feelings (which are normal to have) on people around her who are trying to help, like you, and her doctors. Frankly, it sounds like her Grandmother is too. Just because you are going through something traumatic doesn't mean you have a get-out-of-jail-free card when it comes to treating other poeple nicely!

A miscarriage is a loss. I had similar feelings when I miscarried as I did when my father died. Maybe if you see it that way it will help you put it things for your friend into perspective. She is no doubt hurting because she is going through a loss, but that is no excuse to not show gratitude for people when they help you... drive you around like miss. daisy... etc.

Also, good luck with your pregnancy? Keep us posted!!

PS, my name is Emily Renee too! I loved it so much I didn't have the heart to drop the Renee when I got married :-)