[Madison.N.Hailey'sMom]

Here's the deal. I have been through 2 m/c within the last year and have been trying since March of this year. Well a friend of mine who has been helping me deal with everything from trying to the anniversary of Samantha on the first has resently found out she is pg. Now I am really happy for the two of them but every time I've been around her since she found out, she has made comments about " you and mike need to get pg so parker (her son) has a girl friend" and other things. I dont really have a problem with the comments its just that sometimes its hard to hear because I have been trying with everything I have to get pg. I've gotten to the point where the comments shouldnt bother me but they do and I dont want to make her upset by saying anything but I am just at a point where I would rather not hear them. Know what I mean? So this is where I come to you fine lady's and ask, am I just over reacting or just letting my emotions come out? I have to admit that I am jealous of people around me that are pg just for the fact that I want it so bad.
Sorry for the vent but this has been on my mind for some time now and just thought maybe someone could help me understand it all. Thankx for your help.

[dee68]

it is totally understandable for you feeling the way you do. I have gone through & still do go through it myself.
let me share a quick story with you....when I found out I was preg. last year, Mick's father didnt even acknowledge it at all !!!!..no congrats, good luck...nothing !!!!!..and same thing with the m/c..nothing.
..last month we had a b-day party here for mick & his father announced he was looking at baby stuff for little boys, because he "wants a grandchild soon"...this comment was directed to Mick's brother and his wife that got married during the summer....that cut through me like a freaking knife !!!!

not the exact situation as yours, but in general, I KNOW how you feel. People sometimes think, that just because we don't have our babies on our arms, that we still don't think about them...or need them. Sometimes our feelings are often "blown off" by people for one reason or another...and to put it mildly it just sucks.

If I were you, and someone said " you need to get pregnant soon" I would reply, I was & have 2 angels, remember?...and am still trying....it might sound harsh to some, but it's true & why shouldn't we be able to say it out loud for everyone to hear since no one else seems to having a problem saying what they want to us???

whew! didn't mean to go off ona tangent, but this kind of stuff really aggravates me to no end.
we are still mommies, no matter what.

[*Judy*]

Here is my opinion, and remeber it is just an opinion...talk to her...Tell her it hurts when she says that. I am a counselor and when you have an issue with someone the best way to deal with it is be upfront. But make sure it's not just about them.
Something Like:
Jane when you tell me that I need to have a baby so Parker can have a girlfriend
I fell ______________________
Because_______________________
Just be up front but not confrontational, share how you feel. Don't focus on what you think they are doing wrong.

Try it with your SO a few times so you have the wording right and then talk to her...Use "I" mssage (messages about you) not You messages (messages about her and what you want her to do).

[priddymama]

Angela

I truly believe you have a right to your feelings no matter what they are and I can definitly empathize with you. I feel like pg women are everywhere I turn and it's hard not to feel jealous and bitter. I even dreamed last nite that a friend of mine called me to tell me she was pregnant but never bothered to mention anything about what just happened to me. I guess I'm very sensitive about this lately.
I think Judy has a good idea on how to approach your friend. Let her know how what she says affects you. One thing I know is that it is very difficult to really know what IT (and that "it" being anything one has to go through) is like til you walk in those shoes. And although your friend knows what has happened with you she has know idea what it feels like--if she hasn't gone through it herself.
Good luck and stay strong!

[dee68]

I too agree with Judy, maybe my idea was a little harsh sounding? But seriously, I don't feel like I need to "tip toe" around someone when someone continually "stomps" on me.I also agree with priddymama, it is tough for someone to understand what a loss is like that has never experienced one, that's why I wish people would be a little more sensitive about the entire pregnancy issue and not have an "all is forgotten attitude at times"...but thats JMO....

good luck hon, however you decide to handle it



btw Judy...when can I schedule an appt ??

[EmilyRenee]

I think everyone is right on here. My friend did the same exact thing to me. "Hurry up and get prego so I can have somebody to be prego with". Then she would sit there and complain every day about how horrible her symptoms were and that I should be glad that im don't have morning sickness or sore boobs. It hurts a lot. I told her look I want to be totally honest with you right now I am going to be jealous of you and its gonna be hard for me to hear you talk about your pregnancy but i am happy for you and wish the best for you and your boyfriend. If she is a good friend she should take it well.

[priddymama]

[Sabina]

I agree with the girls. My sister was always doing that to me because she wanted to get rid of her baby stuff. She would bug me and bug and I finally stopped telling her anything about us TTC or dr's apt or anything because I didn't want to hear her insensitive comments. It really drove us apart. I wish I would have just talked with her about it. Things might have been a lot different if I did. I hope you choose to say something to her. Those comments are hurtful and if you let things go on the way they are now you may end up shutting her out after a while without even knowing you are doing it.