Hi my name is Erika, I'm 24, I live in Chicago with my boyfriend. I have a B.S. in Child Development and I'm a nanny and preschool teacher. I've posted on here a couple times a month or so ago when I was having issues with my boss and I was trying to figure out how long to work, etc.

Anyhow, last Wednesday I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I'm not positive I was 13 weeks because we had an appt. for the very next day to hear the heartbeat. I was having mild cramping all day Tuesday and Tuesday in the middle of the night I woke up with awful awful awful pain. I was praying I had kidney stones (both my parents have had them). I went to my doctor at 730am Wed. and started bleeding. I lost a TON of blood and finally late Wed. evening got in for surgery for a D&C. I had passed about half of it throughout the day. It was very traumatic and scary and I am devastated. (I'm sure you all know exactly what I'm talking about.)

Right now all I can think about is getting pregnant again. This was an unplanned pregnancy but I was so happy. I keep thinking now is our chance to get married and all of that. I feel guilty and selfish when I think about getting married for some reason. Like it's my second chance. I'm so sad and so confused. I just want to go back in time and still be pregnant.

Are there any good books or articles or anything I can read to get through this. I know it's only been a week. I want to get pregnant again so badly but I think I'd be paralyzed with fear every second of the day. I think I need a pep talk.

Help me please. And good luck and prayers go out to all of you who lost and are carrying babies right now.

[..Jessica..]

Oh hun!!! I'm sooooooooo sorry!!!

I know the feeling of wanting to be pregnant again really soon. I hope you are able to conceive and have a happy and healthy pregnancy soon.

There is a Pregnancy Loss board here on JM, and it's been and still is a great help. The ladies on the PL board are so supportive! As are the ladies on here!!

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!

[dee68]

Erika,

I am so sorry for your loss !! I truly wish none of us had to go through something as heartbreaking as this.
I think for many women it is quite natural to feel the need to try again quickly, although I really do hope you give yourself plenty of time to grieve your loss, heal physically as well as emotionally. It is sooooo important to do that.
I think I can speak for all of us about wishing we could turn back the hands of time....still be pregnant and then get to hold our babies in our arms. When you are truly ready to ttc, I think you will find all of the girls here extremely helpful & supportive. I myself have not read any books about loss, but some of the ladies here may have. Also, I would strongly suggest the Pregnancy Loss Board (if you haven't been there already). The room has quite a bit of good information on coping with losses as well as a great bunch of ladies just like here......so on that note, I want to say again, how sorry I am, and know that we are here for you & understand.....
and I may add, um, we are a very, let's say unique bunch

Take Care !

Dee

[mellochick]

Oh Erika,

I am so sorry for your loss. A miscarriage is a physically and mentally draining experience that none of us should have to go through. I will echo the advice of going to the pregnancy loss board for support - and also some information about what you can expect in the coming weeks/months physically. There is a book called "Coming to Term", but it is a book written by a man who's wife suffered multiple miscarriages. You can go to amazon and search on the topic - I know that there are many books about it.

I don't know if you are a spiritual person - but seeking a higher understanding and purpose has been helpful to me. There is one particular scripture Isaiah 43:18-19 that I refer to for uplifting and hope.

Take care of yourself and remember all of us are here whenever you feel like venting! We will listen.

[*Judy*]

Erika,
So sorry for your loss. With my first miscarriage I did a lot of searching on the internet. There are articles out there, but don't get to wrappped up in them. With the second pregnancy I was a nervous wreck and unfortuanetly loss that baby too. Just know that we are here to help when you are ready to try again. Also there is no blue print to grieving and what ever you feel is totally acceptable. You will be in My T&P.

[MinDB]

i'm sorry for your loss, girl. it most certainly is a confusing time. it makes you wonder all kinds of things! after my m/c i thought about things i never thought i would think about. if that makes sense.
i did and still want to, get pg right away, and i know i'm going to be scared, but not every pregnancy ends in m/c. we must remember this.
take care. we're here for you.

[*Bobbie*]

I am sorry you lost your sweet baby

I lost mine at 14 weeks. I would check out the PG loss board. There really are some great women over there. That board was a life saver for me back then.

I post on both boards as most of us here do.... you will be welcome with open arms on both boards.

I read the book "About what was lost" after I m/c and I thought the book was great. You may want to check it out.

Good Luck to you and lots of BFP to you if that's what you are wishing for

Ladies,

Thank you all so much for your advice and thoughts and prayers. I will definitely look into the Pregnancy Loss board today. I am nannying right now, (which I thought would be hard to go back to, but it's not at all thank God!) and I am able to be on a computer most of the day. Maybe we will all become fast friends soon.

I'm going to the Dr. on Saturday for my second follow-up appointment for blood tests and all that. I don't know if she'll do a pelvic exam already but I want her to look at every square inch of me in case there's something wrong with me. She has told me over and over again that I'm perfectly healthy and she thinks it was a chromosomal abnormality and there's nothing anyone can do about that. I also read somewhere that 85% of women that have a miscarriage go on to have totally normal pregnancies. I might have that statistic wrong. I'm still just trying to get my head around all of this. I always envisioned being pregnant as a happy time and I'm afraid the next time I'm pregnant I'm going to freak out all day long.

Did your Doctor check for anything or give you any other advice? I want to be take advantage of our Sat. morning appt. because I know we won't be rushed.

Again thanks to all of you for your kind words and I pray that you all have happy, healthy pregnancies!

Erika

[JennLynn_]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

I felt the same way as you when I had my m/c. It was totally and completely unexpected, unplanned and well... great! and then I lost it and all I wanted was to have it back!!!

I hope that all goes well at your doctor appointment!!!!