[MrsPoe]

I took another hpt and it was bfn again. I know that I am not pregnant this month and I am so down. I was really hoping that I would be pregnant again this year around the same time. I thought it might be easier to get through the holidays and winter months knowing that I had a little one growing inside of me again. I feel like I am completely losing it. Seriously I wish I would just go to sleep and not wake up. I just don't know how much more pain I can take. I miss my little girl so very much. She should be here with me and be about 4 months old. I should be able to dress her up in little costumes and have a million pictures of her.

I just feel like I will never get pregnant again. It took 5 years to get pregnant with Abby and here it has been 7 months since I lost her. 5 months of ttc again and it is just getting worse. Dh and I only bd'd once this month. I get the feeling that he doesn't really want to get pregnant again. I have tried to seduce him, dress pretty, everything you can think of to get him to dtd with me during my "fertile" time. He is one of those men that doesn't want to know when I O because it is too much pressure for him to finish the job.

This is all so very frustrating for me. I feel like my marriage is falling apart, my little girl is gone, and I will never know what it is like to be as happy as I was when I was pregnant with her.

Ok, enough of a pity party for me! Thanks for reading. I may not be on here as much. I might just need a break from it all. I wish you all bfp's!

Oh Rhonda,

I've had these days too believe me. I wish I could do something to take away your pain. Maybe a break from these boards would help, maybe you need to focus on something else for a little while? Sometimes people get pregnant when they give themselves a break. I hope you are ok. Please PM me if you want to talk. I've been through hell and back. You'll make it through I promise.

[ShannonMVT]

Rhonda, I am so sorry for how horrible you are feeling. Forgive me, as I don't know your whole situation, but is fertility testing an option?
I know how you feel about trying to get your Dh to BD....it becomes so much of pain sometimes that you wonder if it's worth it.

If you need a break from this place, then you should take one. But you can always come here and vent and we're here to listen. I hope you have support IRL hon, and that you get to feeling like life is good again soon.

[Shaustin]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so down Rhonda. I wish I could take all that pain away, it just really sucks. I think that if taking a break from the boards will help, then you should do it, even though we would miss you!! I hope your day gets better!!

[mellochick]

Rhonda - I am so sorry you are sad. I have been in that dark place before - and I know how it feels. Please don't give up hope. I took a long break from the boards after my 4th loss. Although we will miss you - it did help me a little to not be bomarded with ttc/pg for a little while. Not sure if you are spiritual, but if you are, PM me and I can send you some verses that may give you comfort.

[MrsPoe]

Thank you all for your support!

Erika, I hope that a break is all that I need because when I finally gave up on getting pregnant is when I got preggo. I am not putting much faith in that though because its so hard to just let go of ttc. I don't know if I can stay away from you women either, you guys all give me a good laugh and I need that too.

Shannon, fertility testing isn't really an option because my doctors know that I can get pregnant although I now found out I have blood clotting disorders and I take meds for that. Also I am type 1 diabetic and they believe I have pcos. I can't take clomid because it can cause cysts and I can't take bcp to shrink them if they do develop. I also have fibroid tumors and it could make them grow from the clomid. Plus the dr. said he is afraid of me getting pregnant with twins or more since I am already so "high risk". Thanks though, but looks like I just have to wait for it to happen. I don't have much support IRL though. Nobody I know has ever been through infertility or a stillbirth. Dh isn't very supportive either, in fact I greive alone! He isn't making things any better at all.I wish some of you girls lived closer!

Shauna, I wish none of us women had to know this kind of pain. I wish we could all be neive again and enjoy every minute of a pregnancy. It will never be that way for us though. We will always have some worries. Thanks for you kind words.

Nicole, I am fairly spiritual but not like most people. I have very different beliefs. I don't believe that my daughter is an angel or hovering above me watching me hurting this bad. I do believe that one day she will be in my arms again, and that is why I wish I would not wake up, just so that when I do I would be able to see her again. Kwim?

Thank you all for helping me out, I just feel so lost and down today. I am sure once af gets here and leaves I will be in a much better mood. I always seem to get this way around the time the witch is due!

[tracybeers]

i am so sorry you are in so much pain. i know i am new to this board and i don't really know too much about anyones situations, but i can hear and feel your pain in your post. i don't know too much about the pcos, but is that why you can't take the clomid?

[dee68]

Rhonda,

My heart is aching for you right now.. I wish there was some magic word to take away the hurt you are feeling...and yeah, I wish we all lived closer too! If you do decide you need a break from the boards, you need to do what is best for you......BUT just know that I will be keeping in touch with you
I'd hate to see you leave here, even just for a bit, but I do understand that sometimes we need to "step back"....
We are all here for you sweetie, don't ever forget that. I really really hope things get better for you soon!



Dee

[*Bobbie*]

Rhonda....



I am sorry you are having a rough time right now. I totally understand.... TTC can be really depressing at times.

I agree if you need to take a break from the boards do it... but just know we are all here for you.

Lot of love to you girl!

[Danica]

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry you are feeling down. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better. I hope you find the support and strength you need to get through this. Please know that we are hear for you to lean on, vent with, cry with and laugh with. You need to do what is best for your heart and soul. If that means to take a break from the boards or take a break from ttc then do what you have to. We will be here waiting. You are in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))