It's been 3 months!!

HangingInThere · #1 November 16th, 2007, 09:17 AM

It's been three months now since we lost Ben and I find it so hard to beleive. Sometimes it seems like it's been forever, and other times like it was just yesterday. It's also funny how I started feeling bummed last night and really wasn't sure why, until it hit me like a rock this am, oh my goodness, today is the day. I think we've all been there at some point where you just start feeling the wear and your not sure why until suddenly it hits you like a ton of bricks and your like, no wonder I was feeling down. It's also hard when I keep seeing all the BFP's and thinking how badly I want one too. Don't get me wrong I'm excited for all of you but it's still hard. It's also hard when I get the call for my middle sister's baby shower and I think, that should me having the baby shower. When the neighbor across the street just had her baby and ask how I was feeling. Hello, I don't have a baby belly, does that not speak for itself. Or when my baby sister just had her 1st U/S at her 1st appt and I think why didn't my dr do an u/s to date my pregnancy the first time I went in. I would have loved to have seen Ben move and his heartbeat, just once!!

The funny part is that as my heart is filled with sadness, at the same time I am filled with anxiety and excitement as I just have the overwhelming feeling that this is the month, especially with all BFP's we've been getting. (How many is it now?) I guess it's good to know that I can still mourn my loss and cry, but still turn around and find the joy in my life. That's what is important right? That's what leads you to realize that your grief as taken it's course.

Love you Girls,

BTW, I will be MIA for the next week as we are headed to OR to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. Hopefully there will be a few more BFP's by the time we get home. I'll miss you girls, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!!

..Jessica.. · #2 November 16th, 2007, 09:22 AM

I know exactly how you're feeling!!! My 5 month Angelversary was yesterday and boy was it ever hard!!!

You'll get your in no time!!! And pretty soon, you'll be getting that first u/s and baby shower and baby belly!!

These feelings are alllllll from us healing from our loss. I'm thinking of you today!!!

HangingInThere · #3 November 16th, 2007, 09:25 AM

Jess,
How funny, I was just thinking of you and remembering that I had seen your post for your Angelversary yesterday and that I hadn't posted anything yet. So as you were posting for me I was posting for you, LOL!!

Danica · #4 November 16th, 2007, 03:51 PM

(((HUGS))) I am sorry you are feeling down Courtney. I know what you mean about the highs and lows. It must be especially hard for you seeing and hearing about your sisters milestones knowing that you should be right there with her. I hope this month is your month. (((HUGS)))

I hope you have fun in Oregon and enjoy your Thanksgiving with your family. Funny thing is we are also from CO and were going to leave for Oregon to visit dh's family this year but decided at the last minute to stay here. He is from Grants Pass. Anyway, I hope you have a fun trip and that you come back with lots of stories

*Bobbie* · #5 November 16th, 2007, 05:10 PM

Courtney,

I am sorry it's hitting you hard right now. I still have days like that. I still break down and cry too. It's hard to watch the months pass. I think you summed it up pretty well... about being able to see the sun shining through the rain.

I can't wait till the day we have a group baby album for all of our babies. Hopefully by this time next year we will all have babies in our arms.

Have fun this week. We'll miss you