[chomanyama]

Am new on this board (also not much on JM, but my sis comes regular)

She got her BFP, and all was well, went for her first appt, went for blood work, and the same day the doctor got results showing low progesterone levels, she went to take a shower, and she was passing clots in the bathroom. She went to see the doc, and was sent for an ultrasound. Her prog levels were about 2 and her cervix was closed. The ultrasound revealed no baby in the sac that was about 8 weeks or thereabouts. She had a complete spontataneous miscarriage as they called it. I was with her all through, and have been with her almost every day.

She stopped bleeding on day seven. She is still going for bloodwork to check her hcg levels and ensure they are going down. Dr. told us that they should go down in half every 48 hours. Day of miscarriage she was 2200, 3 days later was 540, A week later was 21.2 (But still got a positive BFP on an Internet cheapie the same day) and last Thursday we went for another blood test and she didnt feel like calling for results.

Now, she has been find on and off. She is ok one moment, then she starts crying uncontrollably. I watched her since Wednesday and she is not even responding to emails, her voicemails are full, and she loved the computer, internet and all that so much, and now she is hardly on line.

I have tried to talk to her, since doc told us that low progesterone is not always a cause of pregnancy but a sign that something is wrong with the formation of that baby and the baby would have been born may be with multiple abnomalities, she will at times, be ok with that till the next crying episode. She will cry sooooo bitterly and I need help from you ladies.

I have been encouraging her to POAS every now and then and so far we have negative HPT, and I think we are going to get a positive OPK soon. She doesnt even want to make love or anything like that. I told her it is fine, she could wait till she is ready emotionally, but at the same time, she says how much she is craving for a baby and wants a baby sooo soon. The only way would be through making love and all that. I need to help her, because she might be getting a positive OPK anytime, Today at 11 am, it was same color with control, but it was same color with control like yesterday at 10.30 am too. At 10.00PM it wasnt so much exact....even if she was preparing to ovulate, the crying stress might have stopped it hence she may have got positive on two days. Not sure.

Please help me help my deeply wounded sister, like so many women I have met lately who have gone through the same painful experience till I am wondering what family hasnt been touched by this pain! If not the woman am speaking with, the sister, or cousin, or aunt or niece or someone else in the family. It seems everyone somehow is touched by miscarriage loss!

She wants a baby so much, she is scared of this happening again. She says she wants to try now, but she has no sex drive or strength.

Sorry - Too long - just need my joyful strong sister back. Nothing has shaken her so much before!

[keekopeeko]

its still really soon for her to be moving on.. i think some women just need time... I know it was rough for me for a few days..but i had to pull it together because i have a daughter already to be strong for... tell her youll help her answer emails..or whatever it is she really needs to do... maybe having you there with her will help her take that first step and then she'll start getting back on track herself.. i dont know.

tell her you are going to be trying for a baby... but that you dont want that to get in your way of being there for her.. last thing she needs is you jumping her with a positive pregnancy test of your own...

anyways.. im really sorry for her loss... ive been there..it really hurts.

~Em

[Madison.N.Hailey'sMom]

First I want to say that I am truely sorry for your sisters loss. It is going to take some time for her. She is having so many different emotions going on at once. My advise is to just be there for her in whatever way you can but try not to push her. She will heal in her own time. If she deceides to start trying then be there for her and if she choses not to be there too. She will know when she is truely ready. I would maybe have her stop peeing on things. That could also not being helping her much. How long has it been since the m/c? Normaly you have to wait 2 w eeks before you can even have sex and lots of doctors tell you to wait 2-3 monthsbefore ttc that way your body has time to heal. Tell her about this board and tell her that we are all here for her and will help in whatever way we can. She can come here to cry or vent or whatever she needs. Its good that your there for her but just let her take her time. The worst thing for her right now is pressure. Hope this helped some.

[Danica]

Oh hun, I can tell you care so much about your sister. I am sorry for her loss. I would agree with the other women. Everyone heals in their own time and losing a baby only 2 weeks ago is still so soon. Has she even gotton her first period yet? I know the longing to really want to be pregnant immediately after m/c. I think that this longing is very normal for a lot of women but she has to give herself time to heal and subconsiously she probably knows this since she doesn't want to make love. Only she will know when she is ready. I'd let her make the decision of when to start tracking her ovulation and ttc again. Some women will try after they get their first period (like myself) and some will wait years. Emotionally we all heal at different speeds. I would say just to continue letting her know you are there for her. She will be on a rollar coaster ride this next year. Initially she will probably cry a lot and then she'll have a day when she keeps it together, maybe even a week or two but then something will trigger her to breakdown again like maybe when she was supposed to be in her second tri or maybe third, or maybe the baby's due date comes and goes. Just listen to her and let her cry on your shoulder. That is the best support she'll be able to get. Don't try to solve anything. I also wanted to mention that naming the baby helped me a lot and also burying the baby in a special place and saying a prayer for him. It sounds like she lost the baby in the shower but she can still name and buy something symbolic to represent her little angel. Or you could help her paint a memorial stone for her backyard so she knows her little ones memory will always be near by. Just a suggestion. JM has a great pregnancy loss board and ttcal is also a great board. There are many women here that are not actively ttc but they are here for support and friendship. She and you are welcome to join us anytime. ((HUGS)))

[dee68]

I am very sorry to hear about your sister's loss. IMO , It way to soon to be thinking about trying to get her to "want" to ttc. A loss is a devasting experience, no matter how far along you are. The grieving process can not, and should not be rushed at all. When her HEART starts to heal she will know if she is ready. Until then no one can force her....and yes it is natural for a woman to want to be pregnant right after a loss, but this is also, JMO, you need time to heal....physically & emotionally.
since she is familiar with JM, I would recommend that she goes to the Pregnancy Loss Board. It is an amazing group of women for comfort and support. Which is what your sister needs right now, IF she wants it......then when SHE is ready, she should stop by here,but not until she is ready to try again.....just give her time & let her do what she needs to do to work through it......our thoughts & prayers go out to her....

[tracybeers]

i agree with everyone above, she needs to take some time, and although she may want to be pregnant again, imo, it is for the baby she just lost. that is probably the pregnancy she wants. have you asked her what you can do for her. i distanced myself from phone calls, emails etc....sometimes you can only hear the i'm sorry's so many times or explain what happened so many times. you just don't want to think about it.
you and your sister sound very close, but the best one to ask would be her....she's gonna cry and she's gonna have times where she is ok, it takes some time for the good times to become more frequent and the sad times to be a little less. 2 weeks really isn't that long, and from the sounds of it, she is not ready to ttc at this moment. when she is ready, she will want to take the opk's and make love

[..Jessica..]

I'm so sorry for your sister's loss!!!!

I agree with the other ladies, right now she needs time to heal.

She will be ready in due time for another baby. It's just so hard to be pregnant one moment, and not the next. Right now she just needs to be thought of and hugged. Even a simple coffee or tea and a chat. I know with my sister, she just wanted space for a little bit and then she was ready to open up and talk about her miscarriage.

I hope she's back to her normal self soon.

[Sabina]

I am very, very sorry for your sisters loss. I can understand you feeling like you need to help your sister make another baby to fix her pain but it doesn't work that way. I am pregnant after two losses and while being pg again is wonderful I miss my babies even more now. I cry for them all the time. I still don't feel like I have healed and it was a year ago now that I was pg with Hannah, my first loss. It will take her some time and while she may be telling you wants a baby - she wants her baby, the one she had inside her. I wouldn't push her to do anything she is not ready for. When she is ready she will try. I know it's hard to see your sister like this but right now she needs to cry so try to be that shoulder she is looking for. I am glad she has a concerned sister to be by her side

[Sunshine03]

I am so sorry for what your sister is going through.
I was there not to long ago.
The only thing I can say to you is that you just have to be there for her. She is going through a loss that only she can go through. I know others around her are going throught it to but she is going through something all her own.
When I had my m/c the first question I had for the Dr. was when can I try again? I thought I wanted to try right away and get pregnant and have a baby. But then I realized that if that were the case then I never would have had time to come to terms with what happened.
Once her body is ready then she will know.
I hope that she will have an easier time as time goes on. Just make sure that you are there when she wants to talk about it. Other wise don't bring it up. Let her do the talking!
Hope that helps even if just in a small way!