I've been a bad member!! Lurking...

home4mygirl · #1 January 5th, 2008, 07:51 AM

Hey guys!! I was actually gone for a couple weeks right around christmas, so that's not the bad part...lol. BUT I've been back and just lurking here and not posting much. SORRY!!! I still love you guys!!!

Anyway....I tested on 12/31 (twice!), 1/1, and 1/2 with dollare store tests. I totally didn't think I was pregnant because I had NO symptoms at ALL, but we had dtd at "O" time and have always been pretty fertile people, so I just wanted to make sure because there is a bottle of wine in my refrigerator that was calling to me...lol! So I bought 4 tests so I could have one or two for this time, and some leftover for next time. Soooo.....here they are....tell me what ya think...scroll down....

...keep going...

Hmmm....I think I'm pregnant!!!! Yep, not much doubt about that one!

Here's my dilemma though....I'm so scared that I can't seem to get excited, which is very frustrating for me. I haven't joined the Sept DDC yet (my EDD is Sept 9) because I'm just too scared, nor have I joined pregnancy after a loss yet either. I promised myself that I would NOT let my previous loss rule this pregnancy, but I can't seem to help it. I think becuase I was 4 1/2 months along when it happened, now I realize that it really CAN happen at any stage. I don't think I can handle getting to know another group of girls in a DDC then having to say goodbye to them.
I never actually did leave the Feb DDC that I was a part of before. I knew them for 4 1/2 months and built some great friendships there. I'm still a very active part of that DDC and love them all. But, I can't do that again. I can't be a part of another DDC, get to know the girls again, then see them all going on with happy, healthy pregnancies while I'm not.
I know my chances of a m/c now are not any more than before just because I've already had one, I just can't seem to shake this FEAR!! It's making me a bit angry and feels like the magic of pregnancy had been stripped away.

So....while this is VERY exciting news (and a part of me is VERY excited!), I'm also very scared. **sigh** Sorry for the rant guys, I just figured you all would understand and maybe have some words of wisdom for me.

keekopeeko · #2 January 5th, 2008, 08:12 AM

well ... i know im gonna be terrified too! and if youd rather not join a DDC.. youre welcome to hang out here still..

But congrats!!! i hope that happens to me! i dont feel pregnant either...

Im very very excited for you!!

~Em

tparum · #3 January 5th, 2008, 08:12 AM

omg yayy girlie congrats i hope u have a great 9 mos.

Danica · #4 January 5th, 2008, 08:37 AM

Congratulations Emma!

I know what you mean about being nervous. I told myself the same, that I would be just as thrilled for pregnancy post m/c but I can't seem to shake that nervousness and it doesn't help that I just got my bloodwork back and the numbers aren't exactly doubling. I'll post about it next. Anyway, you don't have to feel like you need to join the September ddc or Preg. after loss yet. Do what you feel comfortable with.

Congrats again and loads of sticky dust coming your way!

*Judy* · #5 January 5th, 2008, 08:38 AM

YAH!!!! Congradulations EmmA!!!!!! So glad you are back! Those are great BFPs. So about this being scared thing. Believe me I know I have been there. I had a hard time getting into it after my first loss. But I am a firm believer in even if you don't feel it act it. For example...even when I am not feeling like I am that happy with DH about something, I still act very loving and stuff with him, after a short time I am able to get back to the place where I am not upset with him. Does that make sense? So even though You don't feel excited start acting excited. Eventually you will self talk you way into being excited. Does that make sense? (the technical term is called positive self talk) I hope this helps!

Brittanie · #6 January 5th, 2008, 08:43 AM

My last pregnancy was one of those. I was SO scared, and since my loss was at term, I didn't have that "safe" line that a lot of women have. But, like you said, you can't let your loss rule your pregnancy.

Maybe you should just lurk in PAL. And you might be surprised how many girls you already know in the sept. DDC.

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

luvmygirls · #7 January 5th, 2008, 10:09 AM

Congrats on your beautiful bfps!! I can only imagine how you feel. All you can do is think positive thoughts and believe that this pg will be sticky and wonderful! Congrats again!

..Jessica.. · #8 January 5th, 2008, 01:34 PM

Congratulations Emma!!!!!

I say do what feels right, if you want to wait a little bit before joining either board, then do that. We're here for you no matter what!!

Here's some sticky dust!!!!!

home4mygirl · #9 January 5th, 2008, 02:05 PM

Thanks for all the support guys!! It means the WORLD to me!! Judy, yes, I believe in the exact same thing (lol...it's probably saved my marriage a couple times!), and it usually works. I'm trying, and I actually am getting more and more excited the more I talk about it and the more real it seems. And the more support and positive thoughts I get, the easier it gets too. I'm sure I'll eventually join the PAL group and the Sept DDC, but for now, I think I'll just stick around here.

I love you guys!!

victorialv · #10 January 6th, 2008, 02:22 PM

Sorry I am late to this....CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I think once you mc, it is an unfortunate inevitable worry. Try to push it out as much as you can, but we are here if you need a pep talk!

So excited for you!!! I sure hope you DO stick around here!!!