[HangingInThere]

Boy is it good to be back on-line! I thought I might never be able to get back in to chat with you guys. No I have not been purposely MIA I just haven't been able to get signed on to my account. Our main computer internet access was down for awhile and so I tried to sign in from Dh's laptop but it wouldn't retrieve my password for me. I even tried signing up for a new account and it wouldn't send me the password for the new account. So finally I got on this am and I'm glad. I have missed you all and there has been several times that I needed to talk and wasn't able to with the computer being weird. I was able to at least lurk as a guest and keep up with some of the goings on.

As for me, I am not pg this month and in fact AF came to visit on New Year's Day. What a way to start off the New Year, right? I had a really nice Christmas and spent good times with family, I was a little stressed with trying to get things done before the holiday but things are looking better now. I'm still a little stressed at times, trying to keep up with the usual house work and trying to get back into the routine of things. It's just hard when Dh is gone alot of the time. I just feel like I really could use an extra hand sometimes and he's not there. Of course him being busy also puts a damper on TTC and I came really close this month to starting back on BC. More for controling my heavy periods than for preventing pg. However when the nurse told me it could take up to three months before I saw results and lighter bleeding, I decided to forget it. BC has always messed with my sex drive anyway and I suppose I can deal with a few days of heavy bleeding if it means the rest of the month that I can enjoy love making with DH. Besides I'm still hoping I will get pg and not have to worry about it.

This month is hard for me though. I should be having Ben next week as he would have been a scheduled c-section, and that's so hard to believe. I had hoped the Lord would bless us in the same manner as he did last time when we lost Angelon and bless us with a new pg in my EDD month if he couldn't bless us with a babe in our arms. Unfortunately it didn't work out that way this time. I suppose I could still end up blessed with a babe this month, I was just hoping to know about it before my EDD (1/30). However, maybe I will get lucky and be able to test on my EDD, though on second thought that might not be the best emotional decision I could make for the let down might be unbareable. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. The hardest part is going through this month feeling alone as up until the other day Dh didn't even remember that this was the month in which I was due. He just out of the blue ask my dd if she thought I should have another baby and when I pulled away from the idea and became depressed he didn't understand why. I ask him if he even remembered what this month was and said it was a hard month for me. He said why? I said because we should be having a baby this month. I couldn't beleive he didn't even remember, that hurt so bad.

In light of the situation I am trying to keep my spirits high. My new year's resolution is to eat healthier and excercise and I'm hoping that will have some bearing on my ability to conceive. When I considered going on BC earlier this month I thought for sure I would get a sigh on releif from Dh but was astonished to get the exact opposite. He still trys to encourage me to pursue another baby and I think it's great that he still wants it for me, sometimes more than I do. I just have to be careful that he doesn't play too much into my emotions because when he does it makes my highs even higher, leading to my lows crashing further. I just really hope this is my month and that I can move forward on a new journey. The only thing that scares me is that I would be due right around the same time that Angelon was due, which could be good or bad. I haven't been taking my temps but think I might start again at least up until the time I O. I keep trying not to involve too much in TTC so as not to get to emotionally involved and stressed. I just want it to happen.

Anyway enough about me. I just wanted to catch up and let all you gals know I'm alive and kicking and may need your support this month to keep me strong. It's great to be back!

[keekopeeko]

Hi! i am glad youa re back! sorry it wasnt your month.. i was hoping youd show up with a BFP... but oh well..

Im scared about my EDD in may coming up... I know how hard it is for you.... and men.. forget em..they just DONT get it!

~Em

[..Jessica..]

COURTNEY!!!!!!

Danica JUST posted a "where are you?" thread about you!!!! SO happy you're back!!!!!

If I could reach out and hug you, I would! My DD is approaching as well, and it's been a rough few days for me! I'm sorry your DH didn't remember this month!

I hope you do get preggers very soon, so Angelon and Ben can watch over their little brother or sister.

and heading your way!!!

[luvmygirls]

Welcome back and I know it must be rough for you, but hopefully you'll get your bfp soon!

[HangingInThere]

This is why I am sooo glad I'm back and why I missed you all sooo much! You all just know what to say to brighten my day, Thanks.
Luv you all,

[Shaustin]

YAY!!! I'm glad you are back!! Sorry AF showed her ugly face...

Like Jessica, my DD is approaching as well, and I have been down in the dumps more and more lately, and couldn't figure out why, until I realized February is quickly approaching. Its hard to get out the funk, but I really want to start this year on a good note.

Anyhow, I'm glad you are back!! LOVES.

[HangingInThere]

It is hard to get out of a Funk, but I realize now exactly what I was missing! The support of all of you!! Just in the short time I have been on this am and the few responses I've gotten, I feel better already. All because I can talk to someone who truely understands my feelings.

[heatherrose415]

*tears* so sorry this month is so hard for you so heartbreaking to know we should be having ababy, but to have empty arms

I am soooo glad you are back!! I was thinking about you alot!!!

We are always here for you

and I am still not prego either!!!

[*Bobbie*]

GEEESSSHHHH.... Finally.



I am glad you are back! We missed you...... LOTS!!!!!!

[MelissaT1973]

Glad to see you back!! I was going to PM you this week now that I am also back on but you know how the time flies!
Your BFP is coming, I just know it!!!