[greenchild]

so here's my update: here I am, still waiting to m/c this baby, which of course the dr's have given like ZERO chance of surviving bc it is way behind in growth and looked to be getting smaller.

I don't know what to make of this. It's very weird. Maybe it means nothing, I don't know. Probably wishful thinking. Hope y'all don't mind, this is going to be a long one!

I had a dream on Thurs nite, not even sure it was a dream. We had watched Grey's Anatomy Thurs where they had a healer in the hospital and i often dream about things that happen during the day, or something I see on TV, or even something I read so I don't put alot of stock in my dreams. In this "dream" it was like my mind had sunk down into my body and I was looking at my uterus, and i could see everything else too (gross, I know!) and several sets of hands were moving very fast all around my uterus. Then a collective voice (like many together, kind of a monotone) said something like, it is all we can do, or we have done what we can, etc. I noticed the pain in my uterus from the rupture was absolutely gone and I asked what about the baby, and they answered "that's up to the baby" and I woke up. Weird dream. But then I noticed that my uterus no longer hurt. When I got up in the morning, it still didn't hurt, and when I looked at myself in the mirror the 90% of the swelling/bloating was gone, and so was 90% of the bruising. So I called DH over to see (I had told him about the dream), and we are just thinking WTH???

Now before I went to bed Thurs nite (I'm not religious by any means, but I do consider myself spiritual, and I believe there is a male & female aspect to everything) I had begged like I had never begged before to the "Mother" aspect of God to heal my uterus so DH & I can share the experience of pg together rather than having to go with a surrogate and to either get this m/c over with or to save the baby bc we have been thru way more than enough! So, after I woke from the dream I spent quite some time telling the baby how much we would love to be its parents, etc. and both DH & I have since too just in case a miracle occurs (DH suprised the crap out of me, normally he doesn't do stuff like that, EVER). I have asked for things before and received signs, but I seem to mis-interpret them each time so I don't know what to think here. This could all be my imagination running wild, as I am sure my very Catholic mother would tell me, like she has many times before. I saw one of my past lives once and she doesn't believe me. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly.

I know from experience the pg symptoms will be there until the HCGs drop significantly but the symptoms aren't exactly going away, they are getting more pronounced. Another thing is that I lost a bit of weight from the surgery - the anti-nausea meds always do that to me, it's happened with each surgery. So I'm down about 6 - 7 lbs and right now my smaller size jeans should fit me real good. but my belly is getting bigger, not smaller, and the swelling/bloating is literally almost gone. ummm . . . ok . . . I don't think that should be happening if I am going to m/c. I am used to the ups and downs in weight (I love to eat . . .) and for this weight, I know what my body should look like physically and it shouldn't look like this. This is so incredibly frustrating!!!!! I wish I could just see into the future and know for sure one way or another *** is going on right now. (banging head against wall)

If nothing else I got alot of peace from the dream in knowing it wasn't up to me, it's no longer in my hands. I have another dr appt tomorrow for another HCG draw and if they aren't dropping good enough they will do an u/s. I don't by any means expect good news, that's just never happened before and logistically it shouldn't for this pg.

Sorry to ramble, I've been holding this in for a few days and needed to get it out! I've only told DH and one close relative about this dream bc the rest would think I was crazy.

[*Bobbie*]

Anne....

Wow that is some crazy dream! Cool though!

I do belive in miracles happening and maybe that really was a sign. God knows you deserve a miracle. I hope you beat all odds and get great news from the doctor tomorrow.



Enjoy pregnancy... even if it only feels like we get to be pregnant for a moment

[tparum]

first off what a dream

and now i believe that mericles can happen and will just gotta have a bit of faith u never know life and the bean just might surpprise ya keep us updated when do u go back

[jademyst13]

Well I don't think your crazy.... I agree with Bobbie, just enjoy your pregnancy and keep believing in miracles.

[heatherrose415]

wow that is a very amazing dream!! I really hope your baby decides to stay here on earth with his mommy and daddy!!!

((HUGS)) keep us updated okay

[greenchild]

Thanks ladies!!!

This is what I mean when I say my belly is much bigger . . . I just don't know what to think!!!

This was taken the day I started my stim shots for IVF and I weighed about 6 lbs more there then I do in the below pic:


And this is a few minutes ago and I definitely did not look like THAT at 7w when the did the surgery:

[*Bobbie*]

Maybe this baby is gonna beat all odds??? That sure looks like a 9w belly I agree symptoms and belly should be going away not getting bigger. When I lost my little one, within 2-3 days my belly was going down and symptoms were gone.

Ya never know!!!!! I soo hope this turns out as a miracle.

<fingers crossed>

[Shaustin]

WOW!! What a dream Anne! I do believe in miracles, but if for nothing else, at least you have found peace in the fact that it IS out of your hands!! I know you definitely deserve a miracle!!

[..Jessica..]

Anne, I'm so sorry you're going through this!!!!

If your baby is getting smaller, why is your belly getting bigger??? Sure looks like your lil miracle is trying to show his/her mommy and daddy that they LOVE them and want to be here on this Earth with them!!!

I hope at your next ultrasound that the doctor's see that the baby is growing and doing great!!!

[Melanie0507]

Thanks for the update Anne...I have been wondering about you! I think your dream sounds really cool and I am really going to be praying that you get awesome news after your blood draw tomorrow. Please KUP! You, dh, and the little bean are in my T&Ps!