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LOU05 · #1 January 15th, 2008, 10:20 AM

Hi
I have been lurking mostly but today i feel so lost and hopeless i decided to post and chat to people that know how im feeling.
after trying for 18 months i finally got my bfp to say the least i was sooo excited,I waited 11 weeks and told my other children on christmas day and they were just as excited.

Yesterday at 13 weeks i went for the nt scan and the bottom of my world fell out my precious little baby had died , what started out to be a great day turned to one of the worst days of my life. I had a D&C last night and even woke up from the op crying I came home 2 hours later and have cried since i cant sleep i just feel totaly lost and dont know what comes next .

I thought i was past the danger period and everything was fine i am still getting really bad morning sickness even as i am typing this my boobs are still killing me and i know my baby is gone.

I just wished i would wake up and it was all a really bad dream.

thanks for listening
Lou

luvmygirls · #2 January 15th, 2008, 10:30 AM

I am so sorry for your loss!

I know how you feel right now, like the world is coming to an end and you'll never be happy again, but it will get better! Trust me! We've all been there, and it's not a fun place, but you'll start to heal soon. You're allowed to cry, and it's healthy to get it all out. Seeing a therapist might help you too. I wish you the best of luck when you're ready to ttc again.

..Jessica.. · #3 January 15th, 2008, 10:48 AM

Hi Lou,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss!!!! I wish it never happened to anyone!!!

I felt the same way you do, back when I had my m/c. Really sucks to feel like you're the only one in the world who has gone through it. To wonder why it happened, literally all the time!

This board is full of women who know exactly what you're going through, and we're all here for one another! Lots of support, advice, love and caring on here as well!!!

I wish you and your hubby the best of luck when you begin TTC again!!!

steph&dan · #4 January 15th, 2008, 10:51 AM

Lou, I am soooooo sorry. This is just aweful. We are here to help in whatever way we can.

jademyst13 · #5 January 15th, 2008, 10:56 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. We are here anytime you need to talk. Just know that things do get better.

Danica · #6 January 15th, 2008, 11:46 AM

Lou, I am so sorry. I know it feels like the world is collapsing and you would just rather go hide in a closet than face anyone. It just really sucks. Sucks Sucks Sucks. You can make it through this, we can travel this bumpy road together. BIG HUGS. I really am so so sorry.

heatherrose415 · #7 January 15th, 2008, 12:25 PM

*tears* I am so so sorry for your loss!

I woke up from my D&C balling my eyes out too, so bad I set my blood pressure monitor off!!

Cry all you need to!!! It is perfectly normal for what you just went through, you just lost your baby and you needto grieve that.

Dont let anyone make you feel like you do not have aright to be so upset, you do okay!!

we are all here for you!

Lv2Mommy · #8 January 15th, 2008, 02:13 PM

Oh, bless your heart - we all know how you feel. It's such a horrible, empty feeling knowing that you've lost something so precious. I cried for days after my u/s and I was so angry that I was given something only to have it taken away. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, but know that it does eventually get better. Come here & vent anytime - we're all here for you.

LOU05 · #9 January 15th, 2008, 03:43 PM

Thank you all so very much for your kind words.I am sure i will get through this just goinmg to take some time i have so many different emotions going at the moment.
Lv2Mommy - you are so right about the anger i just dont understand why , why make me wait 18 months to conceive, why take my baby at 13 weeks.
I will just have to sort my head out and work out what i do next.Once again thank you all

Lou

Banned-AmyH1023 · #10 January 15th, 2008, 04:31 PM

I am so so sorry for your loss. We are here whenever you need to talk or vent or anything. We're all in this together

Melanie0507 · #11 January 15th, 2008, 07:17 PM

Oh Lou, I am so, sorry for your loss. Even though the reason we all end up here is sad, this is actually a pretty fun place to *hang out*! I look forward to getting to know you and please remember that we are all here if you need anything!

Shaustin · #12 January 15th, 2008, 07:59 PM

I am so very sorry for your loss Lou. I hate that this happens to anyone.

*Bobbie* · #13 January 15th, 2008, 08:16 PM

I am so sorry

I m/c at 14 weeks. The pain does eventually dull. Someday soon you will think of your angel and smile before the tears come. We may have lost our babies, but we gained angels.

I hope this road isn't too long or bumpy for you. If you need anything, just say so.

Lots of

Christal · #14 January 15th, 2008, 08:55 PM

I am so sorry. I know how you feel my head was a mess a million thoughts and the neverending why's. I kept thinking this is a horrible nightmare I will wake up from and everything will be fine. And eventually you will wake up and you will be fine. Everyone needs time to mourn and for me the more I cried the better I felt if that makes since. I am glad you found us. Take care of yourself.

LOU05 · #15 January 15th, 2008, 11:22 PM

Thanks again Did any of you get really angry because it seems everyone one els is just continuing as normal? even my Dh was out buying a new boat today and i cant even think about anything besides the loss of my baby, all the stuff we had planned for the next few months i dont wont to do anymore. I feel like i have failed my baby and could'nt even get that right and if i hear the words it was meant to be i will scream it wasnt meant to be like this i was meant to bring home my baby in july and watch her/him grow and enjoy my family. Grrrr rant finised for now

MrsPoe · #16 January 16th, 2008, 09:35 AM

Anger is one of the many stages of grief. Men grieve in different ways, but they do grieve. Men have to be the "strong" ones for us and once we are "ok" then they finally show some of their grief too. At least that is how it worked for my dh. Like you we tried for a very long time, 4 1/2 years, all just to lose our sweet little girl. At times I still get mad at the world for going on with their lives, when mine has turned upside down.

Like you I hate the "it was meant to be". I also hate the "everything happens for a reason" too. Then they try to tell me that someone was wrong with my dd, but she was perfect it was my body that failed her. I have blood clotting issues that I never knew about. Anyways, it is completely normal to be feeling everything that you are feeling right now. You can be mad, cry, or scream. We are here for you!

Lv2Mommy · #17 January 16th, 2008, 10:08 AM

I had a lot of anger about everyone else just being normal, especially I think b/c I miscarried right before Christmas (12/22) and everyone was celebrating this or that and expected me to go since we hadn't told anyone about my being pregnant. I didn't want to do anything, see anyone, or go anywhere. DH was good for the first couple of days, but after that he kept wanting to get together with our neighbors who are good friends. They were wanting to exchange gifts and I remember telling DH that I didn't care what he told them, but I could care less about exchanging anything with anybody. I was really angry that he didn't seem to get it.

I still have moments when I cry and feel angry, especially when I hit a point that should've been a milestone in my pregnancy. It is getting much better, though.